[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> WELL, BARTENDER, I'VE DONE
IT MANY I'VE WON THE NOMINATION. NO, I HAVEN'T.
I KEEP LOSING STATES. MATHEMATICALLY I'VE DONE IT.
TO MATH. ALL RIGHT, I THINK I'M GOING TO
HEAD HOME. DON'T YOU WORK TOO LATE NOW
ABOUT. >> I WON'T.
I'M ACTUALLY CLOSING UP THE BAR RIGHT NOW.
SO EVERYBODY'S GOT TO GO. THAT MEANS YOU TOO SIR.
>> NO FREAKIN' WAY. [ APPLAUSE ]
>> I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. I CAN STAY HERE AS LONG AS I
WANT. >> SENATOR SANDERS, I'M SORRY,
BUT THE NIGHT IS OVER. >> NO, NO, IT'S NOT OVER.
IT'S NOT OVER UNTIL I SAY IT'S OVER.
>> OH, HELLO BERNIE. I DIDN'T SEE YOU SITTING BEHIND
ME. SO FAR BEHIND ME YOU COULD NEVER
CATCH UP. >> YOU SAW ME.
YOU SAW ME IN YOUR SLEEP, BABY. I'M YOU'RE WORST NIGHTMARE.
>> MY WORST NIGHTMARE IS A MANDATORY SPA DAY AND YOU KNOW
IT. >> MINE IS WAITING OVER AN HOUR
AT LENS CRAFTERS. >> OH, BERNIE, IT'S ALWAYS JUST
SO FINE TO SEE YOU. I LOVE YOUR SUIT BY THE WAY, IT
LOOKS OLD. >> AND I LIKE YOUR SUIT, IT
LOOKS LIKE YOU WERE JUST ELECTED TO THE GALACTIC COUNCIL.
>> EXCUSE ME, BARTENDER, DO YOU MIND IF I HAVE JUST ONE MORE
DRINK WITH MY OLD, VERY OLD, KIND OF DANGEROUSLY OLD FRIEND
BERNIE FP. >> SURE, MRS. CLINTON.
WHAT CAN I GET FOR YOU? >> I'LL HAVE A BEER, SOMETHING
PEOPLE ARE FLOCKING TO. SOMETHING THAT DRAWS HUGE
CROWDS. >> AND I'LL HAVE WHATEVER BEER
NO ONE LIKES BUT GETS THE JOB DONE.
>> BERNIE, YOU SHOULD BE PROUD, YOU RAN A GOOD CAMPAIGN.
>> I'M REASONING A GOOD CAMPAIGN.
>> DON'T WORRY, I PROMISE I'M GOING TO HAVE A SPECIAL ROLE FOR
YOU IN MY ADMINISTRATION. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE THE
SENATOR FROM VERMONT? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> OH, HILLARY, I'LL MISS THAT LACK OF CHARM.
>> I'LL MISS YOUR DEAL TOO. I HAVE TO MOVE ON, THAT'S WHY I
STARTED TO MOVE ON TO THE GENERAL.
>> I SAW THE PIVOT. NOT TOO FOND OF THE PIVOT.
>> WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING PIVOT. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, YOU HAVE
TO ADMIT, WE'VE HAD SOME GOOD TIMES, YOU AND I.
>> IT'S TRUE. REMEMBER WHEN I TOLD EVERYONE TO
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR DAMN E-MAILS?
WHAT A SCHMUCK. >> I KNOW.
THAT COULD HAVE TAKEN ME DOWN. >> I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.
I'M SO STUPID. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> SO STUPID. >> I DO NOT LIKE HUMOR, BUT THAT
WAS FUNNY. AND REMEMBER ALL THOSE STATES
LIKE WYOMING WHERE YOU BEAT ME BY A LOT AND I GOT ALL THE
DELEGATES. >> I WAS SO STUPID.
IT'S RIGGED. >> IT'S SO RIGGED.
>> TO DEBBIE WASSERMAN-SCHULTZ. >> TO DEBBIE.
>> LISTEN, HILLARY. THIS MIGHT BE THE BEER TALKING,
BUT CAN I TELL YOU A SECRET? >> OKAY.
>> YOU KNOW HOW I CONSTANTLY RAIL AGAINST THE UPPER CLASS?
>> YES. >> WELL, SOMETIMES WHEN I GO TO
SLEEP AT NIGHT, I DREAM ABOUT BEING A FANCY MILLIONAIRE OR
BILLIONAIRE. >> REALLY?
>> YEAH. >> AND IN MY DREAM I WEAR A
FANCY HAT. I SAY FANCY THINGS LIKE, I'LL
HAVE A TUNA SANDWICH ON A CROISSANT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> CAN I TELL YOU A SECRET?
>> SURE. >> I'VE NEVER TOLD ANYONE THIS.
BUT YOU KNOW THE PRESIDENCY. >> YEAH.
>> I REALLY, REALLY WANT IT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU DON'T SAY. >> YEAH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?
I DON'T REALLY LIKE PEOPLE. I ONLY TALK TO THEM BECAUSE I
WANT TO BE THE PRESIDENT SO BAD. PLEASE DON'T TELL, DON'T TELL.
>> I THINK THEY KNOW. >> OH, BERNIE, YOU KNOW.
WE ARE MORTAL ENEMIES, BUT I REALLY ADMIRE YOU.
SO WHAT DO YOU SAY? WILL YOU DANCE WITH ME?
>> I'M NOT GOING TO DANCE WITH YOU.
>> I'LL GIVE YOU THREE SUPER DELEGATES.
>> YEAH, LET'S DANCE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> AND I'LL LEAD. >> NEVER.
♪♪♪ ♪♪♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ LAUGHTER ]
♪♪♪ >> HEY, HILLARY, MAY I CUT IN?
>> NO. >> BEAT IT, BILL.
[ LAUGHTER ] ♪♪♪
♪♪♪ >> WELL, THAT WAS FUN WHILE IT
LASTED. AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."