- Low self-esteem can be so crippling for so many people.
Because when you have low self-esteem,
you hold yourself back from living
the life you want to live,
having the experiences you want to have,
it even can stop you
having a normal conversation with someone.
Watch this video now to learn three ways of massively
boosting your self-esteem,
and start living the life that you want to live.
There is nothing, nothing, nothing,
that will boost your self-esteem like praise.
But guess what?
It's not the praise of someone else, as nice as that can be.
It is your praise.
When you praise yourself, your self-esteem goes up.
You see if I praise someone, if I say to my PA,
"Hey, you are the best PA I've ever had in my life,
"I love you, could you please work this weekend?"
I have totally manipulated her with praise.
I go to a store they go, "Oh, that shirt is so you,
"you must buy it."
They've manipulated me with praise.
And our unconscious mind understands
when other people praise us, they often have an agenda,
not always, but often they want something.
But when you praise yourself, your mind understands
there's no agenda, it must be true.
You see your mind really doesn't care
if what you tell it is right or wrong, true or false,
healthy or not,
it lets it in.
And that's why it's so important to stop criticism
and to start praise, to praise yourself every day.
And I promise you, praising yourself
does not make you big-headed, it doesn't make you arrogant,
it doesn't make you obnoxious, or unbearable,
it makes you better.
You see people who are going, "Hey I'm great me,
"I'm amazing, I'm better than everyone."
They don't really believe that.
Arrogance is trying to convince someone else
that you're worthy, 'cause you don't really believe it.
But self-praise, first of all,
no one even has to know you're doing it.
It's about you taking the time every day
to say nice things to yourself.
Let's do it right now.
Why wait?
Take a minute and say, "Today I did something amazing."
It doesn't matter that it's as simple
as letting someone in front of you in the store,
paying someone a compliment,
letting someone in in a queue of traffic,
smiling at someone,
giving someone your seat on a bus, or a train.
You see when I was a parent
I used to say to my daughter every night,
"What did you do today that was amazing?"
And she'd go, "Mommy, I lent somebody my crayons."
Sometimes she'd say, "I don't know. I can't think."
And I'd go, "I'll think of something."
But you see, praise boosts you,
criticism withers you,
it's very easy to go through it again,
"Oh, I messed that up, and that was awful,
"and I'm so useless, and I'm such a loser."
You have to stop that.
And as you stop destructive criticism,
you must add in a lot of praise, and praise is so simple.
"I'm a nice person."
"I did something good today."
"I did lots of good things today, I'm kind."
"I'm warm."
"I'm nice to my friends."
"I'm a nice person."
"I listen to people."
It isn't rocket science.
Think of how you can praise yourself every single day.
And if you can praise yourself every day for something tiny,
for lots of tiny things, even to say, "You know, today,
"my partner was speaking to me, I put my phone down, and
"I actually listened, I made a point of being interested.
"I helped someone at work that was struggling.
"I was kind to someone."
You know kindness is so underrated.
So think of how you can praise you.
The words you can say.
And remember, there is nothing that will boost yourself
as in not shopping, not even a promotion, not more money.
Studies show buying stuff, getting a raise,
don't affect you as much as praising yourself.
So I want you to praise yourself every day,
make it a habit, make it a habit,
you make your habits,
and then your habits turn right around and make you.
And one of the best habits you can acquire
is praising yourself.
If you're a parent, it's even more important
'cause your children will see you doing it and go,
oh, I should do this.
You see children naturally go,
"Hey today I was good, don't I look beautiful,
"aren't I smart, look at me, watch me,
"notice how good I am."
Little kids say, "Mommy, watch me dancing,
"watch me swimming, watch me climbing."
They praise themselves until we say,
"Oh, stop showing off.
"Stop parading yourself around,
"no one's interested in you."
And that's not true, you are interested in you.
So praise yourself a lot, every day, a lot.
No one needs to know.
Won't make you big-headed.
You know what it will do?
It will give you massive, powerful,
permanent, or pervasive self-esteem.
And you know, so much of this fear of praising ourself,
fearing that we're arrogant, or big-headed, or a show-off
comes from our childhood.
And if you want to know how our childhood
really shapes us,
just click the link below and take a look at my free,
'I Am Enough' masterclass,
which will show you how you got shaped, and imprinted,
but also how to change it.
So let's go to step two,
the second way of massively boosting your self-esteem.
I just talked earlier about the praise you've always wanted.
What many of us do,
is we expect someone else to make us feel good.
We go through life like this,
"Hey, hey, could you make me feel I matter?
"Could you make me feel I'm attractive?
"Could you maybe make me feel interesting?
"Can I give you this job?
"This responsibility of making me feel I matter?"
And if you give that job to someone else,
the problem is you also give them the job
of removing it any time they feel like.
And all those songs,
"You make me feel wonderful,"
and then, "Oh, you've left, and now I'm nothing."
So think of the words you most wanted
to hear from your parents.
If you wanted your mom to always say,
"You're my favourite child."
Or, "You're so pretty."
Or, "You're so cute."
Or, "You're so interesting."
Or, "You matter."
Or, "How lucky am I to be your parent?"
Think of the words you most needed to hear,
and then start to say them yourself.
You see, you know far better than me
the words you most needed, your mother,
father, teacher, grandmother to say.
And all kids want to hear the same thing.
"I like spending time with you.
"You're interesting.
"You're funny.
"You're great to be around.
"I'm so lucky that you're my kid.
"I'm so lucky that I get to raise you.
"How lucky am I?
"I got the best kid in the world."
We all want to hear that.
And some of us never hear it.
And then we try to make someone else out there
play that part.
"Could you do it?
"My dad, or my mom, or my grandmother never did.
"And tell me I matter."
You have to tell yourself you matter.
Many years ago, I worked with someone who said,
"I only date women that diminish me and put me down.
"I seem to love women that are so intelligent,
"and I always feel inadequate."
And he said, "You know, when I was six,
"I was showing my mom a drawing,
"and she said, 'Darling, you might be six,
"'please remember I'm not six.
"'I find you very boring, I'm so intelligent,
"'I should never have had children.
"'I'm just too intelligent to deal with you.'"
He said, "I never forgot that."
I'm like, "Who would forget that?"
Your mother saying,
"Darling, you might be six, I'm not, I find you so boring."
He knew what he was doing.
Finding women that were super intelligent
'cause he wanted them to say,
"Gosh you're intelligent.
"Let's talk about the stock market,
"let's talk about science and neurons,
"'cause you're so bright."
But they never did.
I said, "Look, here's what you have to do.
"When you meet a woman,
"if you don't feel smart and intelligent, leave."
And he said, "You know, a few weeks later I met a woman.
"And my first thought was, gosh, I feel smart with her."
He married her, I went to the wedding.
It was a wonderful thing because he stopped
trying to make someone else tell him he was smart.
And he told himself, "I'm smart.
"I'm intelligent."
After all, my mother, if she was that smart really,
she would never have said that to a six-year-old kid.
That's not smart, that's stupid.
That's not intelligent.
You would never say that your own child,
"You're boring.
"I'm too intelligent to have you."
If you were really intelligent, you'd shut your mouth,
and you'd say something kind.
So back to you,
think of what you most wanted someone to say,
it's not difficult.
Maybe you wanted to be told you were the favourite.
Maybe you wanted to be told "You're my third girl,
"and I was thrilled to have a third girl."
"You're my fourth boy,
"and I was so glad to have a fourth boy."
"Your brother might have been the most intelligent,
"but you were always the most interesting, the most funny,
"the most compelling."
Whatever you need to hear,
say it now, you are smart.
You are beautiful.
You are gorgeous.
You are funny.
You're endearing.
You're interesting.
You are great to be around.
I love your company.
I'm proud of you.
How many of us never heard that?
"Daddy, you proud of me?"
"For what?"
"Mom, are you proud of me?"
"No, you have an easy life."
You see, often we ask our parents,
please meet my need to matter and they don't.
And then it becomes an unmet need.
And we go through life with this unmet need.
"Hey, could you meet my unmet need?"
Don't give that power to anyone else.
You can meet any unmet need.
You know, if your parents died and you put up for adoption,
500 people would have wanted to adopt you.
So as a kid, you have very simple needs.
You need to feel safe.
You need to feel loved.
You need to feel your parents are proud of you,
and cherish you, and celebrate you.
And if they didn't,
that's now an unmet need.
And you want someone else in the world to meet this need,
to make you feel safe, or cherished, or celebrated.
No, you must meet that need.
Did you need your parents to say they were proud of you
and they didn't?
That's a great shame,
but you can start saying, "I'm proud of me," every day.
Say it, state it, until it's stops being what you say
and becomes who you are.
And here's the third way to massively
boost your self-esteem.
Look in the mirror and go, "Look at you,
"you amazing person."
Every time you clean your teeth, comb your hair,
don't go, "Oh my God, look at the state of me.
"I look so old, so tired, so knackered.
"I should have cleaned this shirt.
"This doesn't suit me."
Stop all of that immediately.
Stop it and just go,
"Hey, there you are you gorgeous creature.
"Look at you you wonderful person."
You see, I had a cat once.
It had a missing tail, and a wonky grin,
and a funny little ear that flipped over.
And its imperfections made me love it more
than all the other cats.
My favourite story says, "Tess, her eyes were neither blue,
"nor green, nor brown, and her lips were lopsided.
"And these imperfections made her perfect."
So don't say,
"Well, I'll praise myself when I lose 10 pounds,
"when I've got a designer suit,
"when I've got a gym body."
No,
do it now.
If you had a little baby, you wouldn't go,
"Hey, I love you when you're perfect.
"I'll praise you when you're perfect."
You praise them when their nose is running,
and their diaper's leaking,
and they got milk spots,
because you love them.
So look in the mirror and go, "Hey, look at you,
"you gorgeous creature, there you are
"you amazing person, I love you."
Yes it feels a bit cheesy, but who cares?
Because it works.
So promise me you'll look in the mirror every day
and go, "Hey, I love you.
"You're amazing.
"You're warm, and funny, and kind."
People don't fall in love with you
'cause you've got thin thighs, or a six pack.
They fall in love with you because
you're real, and kind, and genuine.
And the basis of all friendships is we choose people
who share their vulnerability.
When you pretend you haven't got one,
it's hard to make friends.
It's being real, and vulnerable, and authentic
that makes people relate to you,
and love you, and connect to you.
But first you have to connect to yourself
and look in the mirror going,
"Hello, there you are, I love you,"
is the fastest way of connecting to yourself
and boosting massively your self-esteem.
And when you fall in love with you,
you give the whole world consent to join you.
So remember, click the link below
and go ahead and watch my free 'I Am Enough' masterclass.
So you can wire in, fire in,
code in forever ways to really believe in you,
love you, and have high self-esteem.
Not sometimes, all the time.