she's University material forwards that
changed my life forwards from a
reception teacher we're all it took I
visited my primary school last year
after a period of about 38 years and I
was struck by the realization that
everything I've done since every life
that I have touched was as a result of
that teacher one school one teacher one
sentence and a sliding doors moment that
literally saved me and changed the
course of my life that's the power of
language and the content of my talk
statistically I should never have been
the success I've become I'm the oldest
of four children and I was born and
raised in Toxteth and Liverpool into a
home where fear and violence were the
norm I was born into a home where my
father was the violence gets the phrenic
and my mum was a very vulnerable but a
very lovely woman before I'd even
entered school I had developed a highly
tuned intuition a real sense of personal
safety where I had to learn this hyper
vigilance to make sure that I could read
every situation to keep myself safe I
spent every day of my life like that
when I was finally able to go school
became a sanctuary for me it was a place
of safety I did not have to second-guess
the emotions and the reactions of every
adult in the room I could just be I
found myself feeling enveloped by love
on the days that I arrived in school and
I was disheveled and covered in my mum's
blood I found myself feeling like I was
energized by the words and the powerful
talk all around me the enforced
isolation that my father subjected my
mother to meant that we her infant
children were really her only companions
and our search from an early age I
developed
wide vocabulary and I could read well
before I enter the classroom and the
first book I ever read as a child was
tested the d'Urbervilles
and although the concepts were well
beyond me I did know that Tess was a
fighter and I loved her for it and thus
began a lifelong love of literature and
the alternate words that books could
offer you and that stories could grab
you and hide you in at the end of my
first year of primary school my
reception teacher said to my mum and my
nan this girls University material and
actually in retrospect that a sentence
was like a golden key for my life
however is an experienced teacher myself
now I have absolutely no idea what that
expression means what I do know is that
nobody in my not in substantial family
had ever been to university before I
don't know that my nan or my mum
actually knew what this expression meant
but I do know that for them they saw in
me from that point on a huge potential
and that's how they treated me
and despite the daily chaos that my
family lived through they repeated this
to me often that I was going to
university I was University material and
I absorbed that narrative because that
was the discourse that surrounded me I
was basically in a hurricane of positive
affirmations every day and despite the
fact that I had all of that potential I
think it's highly unlikely that without
one key events that I'd have even have
survived my childhood never mind gone to
university the final and successful
suicide attempt of my father when I was
eight basically changed my life forever
that and the selfless actions of my
aunts and my grandparents meant that all
eight of us moved and we were relocated
to the world where there was still a
Selective system in the 11-plus and my
default setting my predisposition if you
like for dealing with virtually
everything in high was then and still is
just to bury myself in books so as a
child I'd
I was mature beyond my years and I knew
exactly what was expected of me and
academia did not frighten me in the
slightest it was something I could do
despite being painfully shy so I passed
my eleven plus and off I went to
universe it's awful went to a girl's
grammar school and in fact the same
grammar school that my daughter now
attends this amazing building that
smelled of floor polish and success and
the boy free he corridors that were
wooden panels and filled with happy
laughing glassy head successful girls
and teachers who talked to me constantly
about this mythical place University
where we were all going to go obviously
and where all things were possible and I
quietly thrive there I got on with the
business in hand which for me was about
making myself physically strong so that
nobody could ever hurt me and making
sure that I got an education so that I
could be financially secure and
independent for the rest of my life and
I was very lucky I came across a number
of adults as a teenager who noticed that
I had a few skills and signposted me
towards activities that they thought I
could be good at so I did a lot of
sports I played netball and lacrosse and
badminton and hockey and I did the Duke
of Edinburgh and I doing the Air Cadets
and they will write those adults they
were absolutely right because I did did
do well and I think that was because of
a combination of a healthy challenge and
competitiveness and also a widening
understanding of the world because by
then my home life had become quite
socially and emotionally restrictive so
I did well and what I would say is that
I'm very grateful to those adults for
transforming my life with simple
sentences and simple comments inevitably
at 18 I had to make some decisions about
my adult future and I didn't have a
strong female voice at the time making
me question the
Vica see if the only advice i'd had so
far which was from school and also you
know challenging me on this orthodox
route that i was taking so although my
heart lay in being the first female
pilots of Chinooks in the army raf i
actually did end up in university and I
have got no regrets about that obviously
because my life unfolded and became
wonderful as a result of training to
become a teacher and I met some of the
most powerfully influential people of my
life during my time in Ambleside
training it's a the teacher training
college and their presence and their
love in my life as span decades but what
I would say genuinely is that the
amazing trajectory of my life began when
I was five and that teacher was some
magic in Sirte parents evening feedback
for me because whilst I might have been
the first person to attend University
from my family I certainly was not the
last and I hope in a tiny way a small
way that I blazed a trail for my
siblings so that they could see that
they could study whilst having children
working full-time and being in the
forces
and they've all gone on to do the most
amazing things of which I am truly proud
so powerful language we know because
there is a powerful and strong body of
evidence and research that suggests the
way we behave towards children is vital
our language and our behavior towards
them is the biggest indicator of success
I'm also living proof of that I know as
an educator that every word I say to
children has got a huge impact on them
and it's incumbent upon me to make sure
those words I say are positive every day
we see children in school now because of
this prolific social media world that we
live in financial austerity and also the
way our society is configured children's
capacity for good mental health is
deteriorating rapidly and on the rise
are these horrible statistics about
child suicides so we know that so we
have got to make sure
we teach children how to be resilient
we've got to encourage them we've got to
provide ourselves as wonderful role
models for them because they may not
have those role models at home but what
I perhaps didn't realize until a couple
of years ago was the power that ordinary
people like me or any of you could have
over other adults you might think that's
a little bit naive because obviously I
know that words over centuries have been
able to break people down and build them
up and give us armor and I know that
powerful prose has inspired people for
generations but I genuinely didn't know
that normal people ordinary people like
us could actually have influence so I
think I'm an unassuming boss for want of
a better word but I'm a boss
nevertheless and I would say it's
absolutely vital for people like me who
are leaders but also for each of us in
our roles in society to really take
ownership of the language that we use
with other people because it really can
have an impact through conversations
that you may not even know you're having
people can take things from that and it
can change their lives for example last
year I attended a formal dinner and I
sat next to two people I'd never met
before and through my conversation with
them they made me really assess myself
they inspired me in ways that they will
never know to think about my career and
myself they changed my self perception
had I not had that conversation that
night which I'm forever grateful for and
ostensibly it was simply about what I
used to think of was my boring life I'm
a single mum I was a teacher now I'm
head teacher I did some study and I've
got a doctorate I love sports and all
things the outdoors I like charity work
and I overcame a double mastectomy and
ran the London Marathon in the same year
so that's what they gleaned from me and
what they returned to me was this idea
that I could actually do a second career
without that conversation I never would
have thought that I could be a reservist
soldier which I am now
and I never would have thought I was
somebody he was actually even an
interesting person to talk to because
the other thing that they taught me by
holding up a mirror with their
conversation was that I have been
carrying for many decades this
ridiculously heavy mantle of impostor
syndrome and I needed to really get rid
of it
and what I had to do was take a long
hard look at myself and my life and my
career and the things I'd accomplished
and actually changed that and what I
realized was this woven through the
tapestry of my life were words
conversations that I had with people he
would influence me all the way through
my life what I realized was also that I
hadn't just been influenced but that I
had been influential when I realized
this was when I was at home following my
mastectomy and people wanted to come and
tell me about how powerful I had been in
their lives and it was very humbling and
heartwarming to hear of how even small
conversations that I had all but
forgotten I'd had a monumental impact on
the recipients from nail technicians to
random strangers in coffee shops from
Boy soldiers who I'd helped to get
qualifications who'd been felled by the
system to colleagues that I'd lectured
on the master's program I felt very
proud to have been part of that journey
for them for me being a good teacher and
being a good leader as synonymous or
just simply being a good human being and
I think this is really easy to
accomplish much easier than I think
perhaps people give it credit for it
requires very little skill knowledge and
money it just requires time listening to
people and talking to them and offering
help if you can
people looking at my substantial CV may
be tempted to think that all of this has
come easy to me that I've led a charmed
life they may look at my list of
accolades and my broad smile and think
she has it made I'm simply the product
of the support and guidance I've
received throughout my life and in our
age now of prolific social media where
it's almost become acceptable so you be
publicly aggressive argumentative
narcissistic I would say it's incumbent
upon all of us to challenge that norm we
already know that our words can do harm
but what about if we switch that around
and we're proactive about all the good
that we can do what have we actively
seek out human interactions and contacts
with other people not just on social
media but in real life and actually help
people to be the best versions of
themselves social media is a good tool
for that but actually there's a much
easier way and that is right now in this
moment with the very next thing that you
say to someone research suggests that we
use probably about seven thousand words
a day what if each of a singularly took
responsibility for every one of those
words that we say what if we put them
through a filter like we do our selfies
and we make them have a positive impact
on someone else
finally my call to arms is this I think
each of us needs to think about the
legacy of our words not just today
obviously it's nice if you say something
positive to somebody and they take
something away from that but what about
in 38 years time there might be somebody
out there a successful person like me he
was thinking about something you've said
to them today which was their magic key
for life they're sliding doors moment
more importantly there might be somebody
still alive as a result
you