The struggle is real are you trying to decide between being a 4w5 and a 5w4
it's one of my most popular questions that i get so many people come to me and say i can't tell if
i'm a four or five because of those wings and so in today's video i'm going to be giving you guys
5 things to be looking for that will help you decide between being a 4w5 and a 5w4if you're
new here i'm Hillary your Certified Enneagram Life Coach and i love teaching you guys the enneagram
in the simplest and easiest way possible before we go into the five things to be looking for when
deciding between the type 4 or the type 5 i wanted to let you know that if you need a brief teaching
on either of those types that will teach you the core fear the core desire the core longing
and the core weakness i've got videos actually they're like one minute videos on each of those
types and so i will link those in the description box below because when you are trying to decide
between these two that's where you start and then you come to these five things that i'm
going to be sharing today okay so let's go ahead and dive into the first thing that will help you
decide between the type 4 wing 5 and the 5 wing 4 and that is what comes first identity
or knowledge this plays a really big part in deciding between a four and a five the type fours
need identity over knowledge that's not to say knowledge isn't important especially to the four
wing five but think about it does identity come before knowledge fours are searching for identity
and significance first they've long to understand who they are they feel like something is missing
in them so identity comes before knowledge and the four wing five will sort out their emotions
by using intellect but again they're sorting out the emotions first and so that should
help you if you are thinking you might be a 4w5 and for the five knowledge comes before
identity they are searching for knowledge answers ideas they need to be competent
self-sufficient and knowledgeable first remember type fives believe that in able to be able to deal
with the world they need to be able to acquire as much knowledge as possible okay so moving on to
number two what's the second thing you should do when trying to decide between those two
it's ask yourself what do you do in stress when you're under stress what does that look like so
for the four at first they're gonna become moody withdrawn temperamental and then they will move
to the type 2 which is their arrow or their line right and they're going to start using the
average to unhealthy traits of that too and what that looks like is they become very relationship
focused by starting to become clingy maybe they'll even move into a more people-pleasing role they'll
start to lose themselves in romantic ideas and fantasies they might even become over-involved in
other people's business and they'll start to test the strength of their relationships and so that's
what it looks like for the four under stress and for the five before they move to their stress
arrow they're going to become stingy critical and will withdraw so the five is going to go to that
average unhealthy side of the seven and they start to distract themselves from the fears by jumping
from thing to thing they become restless scattered dissatisfied and very frustrated really easily
and so that's what it looks like for the five when they get really stressed and so does that help you
guys when you think of yourself which one of those do you go towards do you go towards that average
unhealthy side of the two or do you go to the average to unhealthy side of the seven the third
thing we want to look into is do you use your head or your heart first a lot of times we break down
the enneagram into three chunks and the one we're gonna focus on is the centers of intelligence um
these triads so within the three there's three types and so the first one is the instinctual
center and that is the gut triad and types eight nine and one are in that one and then you have the
feeling center and that is the heart triad which types two three and four are in that one and then
you have the thinking center which is the head triad and types five six and seven are in that one
so i wanna give you a simple breakdown of the head and the heart since the four is in the heart and
the five is in the head and we're trying to decide between which one you use first okay starting with
the head triad which is types five six and seven they are imbalanced in the way they operate most
out of their thoughts these types share a reaction to their mental struggle which is anxiety or also
fear and for the five it looks like anxiousness that they don't know enough to go out and operate
in the world and the heart triad types two three and four are imbalanced in that they operate most
out of their feelings these types share a reaction to their emotional struggle which is shame but
therefore it looks like they can feel all of their emotions with extreme depth and intensity and so
if you do want a little bit more information on triads i've already done a video on them and i'll
link that in the description box below um if you want to go further into the triads but the reason
why i shared that today is is just to give you a little glimpse of okay where the five is and where
the four is and how they are different and then i wanted you to think about yourself and go okay
which one do i operate most out of which one comes first which one is my first instinct
and that should help you a little bit in deciding between the four wing five and the five wing four
okay so with number four i want to look further into the wings obviously that's why we are in
this predicament right so that four wing five and five wing four is why we're here so i know you've
already looked at you know those wings in depth right because if you're here you're like gosh
i've looked at them i've researched them and i still can't decide and so what i want you to do
now is look at the other wings which is the type three and the type six right because you've got
the four wing three and the five wing six we're going to look at those two wings and see do you
use those at all what does the three bring to the four well it helps the four be more goal oriented
more emotional fluctuations and more concerned with what others think of them and so if you can
relate to those it has me wondering like oh are you connected to that three in any way and then
flip over to the five wing six and the six brings the five great problem solving skills more clarity
finding solutions and angst and anxiety and so that's what that six can kind of bring to the five
sometimes and so i want you to think about who you are and which one of those do you maybe use
and the last thing number five is do you want to be different that plays a big part in if you are
a four or a five and the reason is force feel like they are different from other people and they're
more than likely gonna wanna show it they're going to want to show how different they are
and fives think they are different but are more than likely going to want to hide it are you more
able to acknowledge your difference and go yeah it's okay i'm like i'm going to embrace that or
do you want to hide it you know you're different but you're like i don't want the world to know i'm
different and so you kind of hide that a little bit so what do you think if you are four or five
do you want to be different do you think you're different do you feel you are different are you
trying to hide that you're different i would love to know um leave that in the comments box down
below i would love to know your guys's thoughts and opinions on that so that's all i have those
top five things today to help you decide between being that four wing five and that five wing four
let me know did this help you i would love to know i hope it helped you guys even a little bit
um and if you do want a more in-depth teaching on those wings the the five and the four wing
i've already done videos on that and i will link both of those in the description box down below
um so that you can go give those a watch if you want a more in-depth
teaching and learning on the wings of the four and the five one last thing before we go is i
do offer discover you typing session with me it's a one-hour zoom call if you are still
struggling at this point but i really hope that these five things have helped you at least get a
little closer to landing on your dominant type don't forget to give this video a thumbs up if
you liked it guys that means the world to me when you do that and until next time bye guys