"Hey Nice Shirt!" How do you respond to that?
How do you feel about that? "What a jerk!"
Completely ignore it? "Heeey-a, nice shirt to you!"
"Thank you?" How you interpret that one comment
is indicative of how you interpret everything that occurs throughout the
entirety
of your life. This is one of the biggest
secrets that people who are charismatic and people who are outgoing
and people who are happy and jovial and people wonder
how they always feel like that why are they always in such a good mood?
This is one of the secrets that they know. Most people feel like life
is just, it's all coming at them so fast, like a huge pipe, like a damn or a
spillway.
Where all this water's being filtered and its commin at them through one pipe and their tryin' to get by
and lifes just happening, and theyre doin this and they're a
victim they can't really control much and all they can hope to do with kinda guide the
water and do theyre best.
When in actuality, when you start to control
the way that you perceive things you end up building
little bars that act as a filter through the
to the big pipe. They can block out 80-85 percent of the water.
So no you just have these little streams of 15 percent
shower coming at you that you could take a drink from and you could dance in and
you can control that you should feel like you have a sense of control in your
life
and being able to control the way you perceive things that happen
is a huge start and a huge way that you can start to do this immediately
we're going to talk about here today is focusing on what makes you happy content
for filled
and ignoring the other stuff now I would never be an advocate oven or ignoring
things that don't make you happy that need to be addressed
but we're not talking about anything a purse or 75 percent
or so I believe up the happiness in your life comes from the way that you look at
things
that means to only commonalities you have with the bomb under the bridge
and hold on trumpet the top of the tower is 25 percent
the restive at your all the same it just depends on the way that you look at
things
now I'm a talk about 3 different situations and you really tell me
how you interpret this how you would feel so let's see just got a French
press coffee with your body
and you're walking down the street and a shooting the shit
and all the sudden you see I ambulance
it's just tearing down the road and of five feet behind it is a brand new
pimped out Maserati just Tehran right behind all the other cars are waiting on
the road
stop for Mitt what do you what do you thinking what's happening
how are you feeling about what's happening are you feeling that
what a jerk me he thinks ever else just the way he doesn't he's rich he thinks
he's above everyone else how dare him
how dare him or just ignore it is even registered snot green you at the time
how does it impact you doesn't matter I'm still look at it yeah I guess I'm
who cares
or you thinking buyout I mean maybe that guy just pulled in from a hard day at
work any size wife get loaded the ambulances
Tarin behind ur trying to figure out what happened frantically a me to the
hospital and see what's going on
those three different reputations or
all equally valid though the wanna be ignoring it obviously is not valid or
not but I guess what CDs two interpretations are equally valid
arm when you look at it the first way though what a jerk you know he thinks
he's better than else
how do you feel you feel negative you feel mad you feel belittled
you feel like the victim when you say well maybe he's
he's after his wife instructor is going on you may feel lucky
that nothing bad has happened you got everyone I love the safe and sound
I feel optimistic made today's gonna be a good day so the two different ways
that you interpret those things is hugely indicative
how you're gonna deal for the next our some people the whole
rested today so why not choose the interpretation
winner is Mb ambiguity you're never gonna know what happened
want to choose the one that's gonna make you feel good it's completely your
control
really what I'm asking you is why not choose a
to know that you're gonna feel happy as opposed to choose that you know you're
gonna be in a bad mood pissed off for the next
hour at a minimum it's your choice now
what if I tell you sir up
95 percent sure attack i
was just being a jerk only five percent chance its release wife
it does it change big do you think the guy
let's see a 100 percent chance that he was being a jerk but you're never gonna
find out
do you think the guy that choose to interpret the way it really is is any
better off
he's never gonna find out he doesn't know all he knows is gonna be in a bad
mood for the next hour
you know you're gonna be in a good mood so this first example
is is brought up to tell you if there's any ambiguity it all
always favor the interpretations gonna make you feel good why not add your
choice it's like you're saying
I don't want to feel good it's that simple
okay now let's talk about something that's a little bit more difficult
with actually bad things do happen to you let's look at how we can get on top
for this
and take a definite bad mood into a neutral or maybe even a good mood
so friends it's let's see I'm going out with some friends are going to really
cool place up got an outfit picked out
spent some time in the shower get cleaned up lookin good did my hair
put on my fresh clothes will bounce in my step feel good
soon as I get out there to help cap a CD white Mercedes flying down the road
own pot all splashes me I'm soaked dirty water
can't do anything don't have enough time have to jump in a cab in go
how can I interpret this so I'm not completely pissed off
0 if he should have been watching where he was driving your day you don't why
does this always happen to me
how I work so hard I try to be happy it happens to me
as opposed to back let's look at a way that we can see
published might be funny I think we look at things in a way that's funny
it's the best way to try to put the best that a bad situation so
it's very ironic something can all look at me mister cool guy
did his hair gel in the hairy walking down he's gonna talk to some girls
tonight
feels so good boom gets splash in the puddles
I mean the irony of it is it is a little funny
yeah it's bad I gotta wear these clothes to the club in a
Sox not what I wanted but it is kinda funny big tough guy gets hit with
budget dirty water from some Mercedes and it's almost like a cartoon
some to find out a little bit a funny I'm gonna laugh at it
ayatollah Starbucks you for the post bounced down like I was so cool
they got hit with this water from this where this Mercedes okay
so tell that story now I'm gonna feel somewhat good about it I me think it's
kinda funny at least
as opposed to being pissed off so either way I'm wearing these dirty clothes in
the club but I don't want to be wearing
so why make it worse by dwelling on it and say oh it's so bad I'm such a victim
when I can be a it's a little funny because it's a little funny I'm gonna
feel completely different
I probably gonna forget about it someone comes up to me and could see what
happens going on that is so funny a
but I was so cool if I was looking so good I got hit with
water from this Mercedes sick as you read to rate this story in the night
goes on
it could continue to keep your mood high as opposed to
summer comes up hope I don't wanna talk about it it always happens to me
okay so let's bring it all together with an example then corporates both these
these concepts that were talking about
oMG reframing and looking oh it's funny it's something that's ambiguous
I'm sorry reframing with a big US or looking at something funny
looking at any way that you can bring good out a bad okay
this actually happen to me so this is a great example those leaving a hotel has
a LA
as leaving a hotel like 10 a.m. I get other elevator I'm walking out towards a
ballet
and there's a group I don't know 45 people and
there as soon as I walk in there laughing and one of the big want to the
pet peeves that I have
is that anytime anyone lasted a room
everyone assumes there laughing at them like at a restaurant like completely
completely non rational just if they're laughing laughing at me
it's not true nine times at a time some I got you know there's
although I've never a good time Saturday morning then
I see what are the guys kinda pointed at me from a distance
while they're laughing okay so obviously they're laughing at me
so I do gore there what's a problem but hot you say them to me
well yes they say it to my face absolutely not
what I'm gonna do is %uh minifig look at what's going on here Art Walk
just left the hotel just woke up a 6-foot-4 pale ginger man
my hairs going to everywhere I'm weren't some clothes looks like
a bat out to eat where the night before I mean if I was saddened that dude
and he saw me and I saw me walking out there he's making jokes
I'd probably laugh too I probably think it's funny amount of our God Calapan
something okay good I'm actually kinda Chuck ok got to get this big
Albina walking stick come into the lobby every that is pretty funny so now I'm
actually kinda chuckling to myself
so that's a great way to look at something there obviously laugh it be
that big sums funny
was opposing it matter start anything I get a laugh outta me what a better way
to turn
so I'm expecting you to immediately be able to turn someone laughing in your
face into something that you feel good about
but the beauty this is what you begin to work on altering your perception a baby
use events in events that are
up not so ambiguous but not your favor your brain learns
to begin to look at those things automatically so you get to the point
where you don't have to intentionally think okay
what could be so funny about this your brain just gonna naturally do that it's
gonna put up those great against the water
allow only the manageable funny fun good feeling stuff
to come through now when you think of someone its charismatic
always think I've optimistic happy in a good mood cheerful
so this is really important he trying to establish decor charisma
is a very positive arm pick color glasses perspective life
better just take a little bit deeper they're gonna be bad things that happen
in your life that
are beyond repair with three framing in getting a little laugh at it
but when those things happen I want you to very intently consider
whether it's something you can control or whether something you cannot control
I'm so Adam it when people come to me for advice so they come to me with any
kind of stress in your life
if it's a problem that's beyond their control I have no sympathy
for them trying to dwell on it and get advice on because there's nothing they
can do
obviously but something important you need to take care of it and get a plan
of attack how you gonna get it
hey can you get it taken care of but to worry about it is the biggest waste to
energy
it waste days weeks and months a people's lives
when there's nothing they can do it is a matter for a set
and right essays 24 hours a day for the next month group they don't pay it
any mind whatsoever it's not going to change the outcome
so choose to control that focus it's much like meditation you continually
reestablish your focus to just the blackness or on your breath whatever you
choose to do
shoes to control harness your focus always be
from things that you don't help you we have no control or negative things
her anything that's going to take you away from that good feeling about happy
optimism
the you should be living in on a day-to-day basis the quality of your
life
is the average mood that you live in during it
are you in a happy mood are you a five outta 10 are you to add a ten
are you a data 10 I hope you're not living at a to attend thinking if you
will
eight outta 10 says bring it up because that's not the case you have the power
def filter that water to filter life that's coming through you
in a way that's gonna make you feel happy for filled satisfied on a
day-to-day basis
again allow you to become one of those people that events like how are you
always in such
a good mood its not fake it's the way they look
at the world so this time how are you can respond I'm
she herded till next time
I'm