A lot of hearing people don’t seem to understand the do’s and the don’t’s when it comes
to appropriately interacting with people who are deaf and hard of hearing.
Or how to interact with us in general.
So we’re gonna get right down to business.
1: Ask what our method of communication is.
What you have to understand is not all of us are fluent in sign language or use sign
language to communicate.
A lot of us grew up in hearing households where parents preferred to “normalize”
and “mainstream” their deaf child and put them through speech therapy.
Some of us might prefer to talk to you.
(Friendly reminder to remain patient because just ‘cos some of us are oral, it doesn’t
mean we’re hearing and will always understand you.)
Some of us might prefer to write or type back and forth.
Sometimes, we might use a speech-to-text app for you to use.
2: Don’t say “never mind” when we don’t understand what you’re saying.
Ever. Whether it be in person or online.
“Never mind” is the biggest swear word of them all in our community and it essentially
translates to,
“Screw you, screw your needs. I don’t care about any of that or you.”
We want to know the information.
We want to know what you’re saying.
So if we ask you to repeat yourselves, reword it, or type it.
Just do it.
We’re going through more trouble than you are while having this conversation.
3: Repeat yourself or rephrase your sentences.
Only 30% of the English language can somewhat clearly be read on the mouth.
This means that a lot of what you say is going to look similar.
“Me”, “Be”, and “Pee” are examples of this.
Sometimes, using a different word works best.
For example, instead of saying “CD” because it’s not read well on the mouth, say “music”.
4: Don’t exaggerate your mouth movements.
[EXAGGERATE] Talking like this will not help us understand anything.
Damn, that hurt my TMJ.
What ends up happening is you warp the shape of your mouth and the way the words are naturally
supposed to look on the mouth.
You also sometimes tend to talk a lot slower than you normally would and it’s just not
natural.
Plus, you just look really silly.
5: Do learn sign language!
Again, not all of us are fluent or know it, but if we know it, learn it.
If you are able to, do it! Even if it’s just a few basic phrases.
This is very helpful for those of you who work in the food industry.
You don’t need to be fluent, but learn a few phrases that you use every day to hearing
customers in ASL or whatever sign language your country uses and you might get a new regular.
There’s a video teaching all the signs a server should know, so I will link that down
below for all of you food industry people.
Also, please note that SEE and PSE are not ASL.
6: Don’t wave your hands around pretending it’s sign language.
It’s like mimicking random sounds to pretend you’re speaking Mandarin or Cantonese.
Don’t do it.
7: Do face the person when you are talking to them.
If we’re relying on lip reading and body language to communicate with you, we need
to be able to see your face and mouth.
Do not move your head to the left and right.
It’s like doing an eyeshadow tutorial on YouTube. Keep your eyeballs in frame.
That’s a lesson for you, person who gave me my job interview at Chipotle.
8: If an interpreter is present, do not talk to the interpreter.
If a deaf person has an interpreter with them, like for doctor appointments, etc., make sure
you face your actual client, the deaf person, when talking to them.
The deaf client or person is your guest. The interpreter is just decoration and there as
an aid for the deaf person.
Every time I have someone with me whether I’m at the airport, bank, etc., the person
has a tendency to talk to the person beside of me even though I'm right in front of them and I’m the client.
They will ignore me and refer to me as “she” instead of looking at me and talking to me.
We are here. We are your clients. Talk to us, not them.
9: When wanting our attention, do something like tapping our shoulder, or tapping on the table.
I don’t have a table.
It’s a safe and easy way of getting our attention.
Also, give us a second or two to react to that and register the fact that you wanted
our attention.
If you already start talking before we’ve focused on your face, we might end up missing
some information.
10: Don’t throw things at us to get our attention.
‘Cos depending on what you’re throwing, we could get injured depending on where we
get hit. We can't hear it.
And we will throw back at you. Harder.
11: Be patient with us.
If you don’t know our language and we’re relying on lip reading, you need to be patient with us.
If we’re trying to lip read, we’re more so helping you or accommodating you and it
can be really difficult.
So don’t yell at us if we don’t get what you’re saying the first or second time.
12: Don’t say, “You talk well for a deaf person.”
It’s like saying, “You’re pretty for a black girl!” or “You’re pretty for
a fat girl!” or “You’re [blank] for a [blank].”
Not everybody liked to raise their deaf kids as Deaf.
Those people preferred oralism for their children for their own benefit so they would put their
kid in speech therapy.
And even though we would get put into speech therapy to do what they wanted us to do, we
would and still often do get made fun of for how we speak, what we sound like.
Some of us have very obvious deaf accents. Some of us do not.
“Where are you from? Are you from England?”
Obviously, England has deaf people but England and Australia seem to be the most popular
places to assume where a deaf person living in the US is from.
I wish.
Not all of us are successful with speaking, which is why a lot of us are voice off, not
voice on.
And saying, “You talk well for a deaf person” is a fancy way of saying, “Those other
people suck at it, but you did it! Good for you!’
Just focus on what we’re saying and not how we’re saying it. That’s what is most
important.
13: Don’t go searching for a deaf partner because they’re deaf.
This sounds weird, but apparently, it happens.
When Switched At Birth started getting really popular around the time that Emmett and Bay
got into a relationship, so many people wanted a Deaf boyfriend because they’re “so cute”
and “so awesome” and “so nice”.
Emmett cheated on Bay, people.
I’m not saying we’re all cheating assholes, ‘cos we’re not, but we’re not perfect
either.
Please don’t treat us like some fetish. It’s creepy.
14: Don’t purposely cover your mouth and start talking to “test” our deafness.
People like to do this to be funny and I don’t know why.
Purposely “testing” us and removing access to the information coming out of your mouth
is rude.
You might get slapped in the face.
And last, but not least.
15: Do treat us like human beings.
Hearing people are humans. Deaf people are humans.
We’re not contagious beings. We’re not here to purposely hurt you. We’re not here
to shove you off the planet.
We’re all trying to get through life in this place just like you.
I know Alexander Graham Bell disliked us very much and wanted to keep us from doing a lot
of things, but please don’t follow in his footsteps.
I’ll see you later. Bye.
Subtitles by the Amara.org community