- Welcome to the Love Lab.
I am the Love Doctor.
And today we're talking about something
that everyone is wondering.
Which of the 16 personality types
are most compatible with each other?
Romantically.
I always get comments that are like,
"Frank, you're the Love Doctor." (laughs)
"I'm an INFP, what type should I be looking for
"in a potential partner?"
Or, "I'm a INTJ, am I good match with a ENFP?"
So in this video, we're gonna be answering
those burning questions.
Get some oven mitts on,
because these questions are gonna be burning hot.
The answers will be blazing.
(sighs)
Before we jump into the meat and potatoes of this video,
I gotta get a little bit more comfortable
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Boom! (glass shattering)
Look, I'm gonna give you some advice.
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Whoa, I'm so excited about Ur My Type!
I'm spinning!
Oh man! (laughs)
Let's get back to the video.
Okay, Love Doctor is back in.
So let's get into the compatibility of the different types.
And just in case any viewers are wondering,
even though our lovely sponsor
of this video is a type matching service,
they have not influenced me or told me what to say
or had any effect over any of the content
in the rest of this video.
Just so you know.
'Cause I'm sure some of you INTPs are gonna be like,
"Didn't they tell you what to do in here?"
No! (echoing)
(laughs)
Wow, Frank, you just cut right out
of the gate attacking one particular personality type?
They had it coming, okay?
I only attack people who deserve it.
Let's start super simple.
We're gonna go through the different letters
of the personality type and see what happens
if you have it different or the same.
Is it better to have someone
with the same letters or different letters?
So the first letter of the personality type
is I or E, introvert or extrovert.
This is one where I don't think compatibility
is affected too much whether the type is I or E,
whether you date someone who has the same letter
or a different letter.
And that is because, as I have mentioned
in many videos before, this first letter,
the I or E, is very imprecise.
It's not really giving you a precise idea
of how introverted or extroverted someone is.
So you could get someone who is an E type,
an ENFP for example, who's more towards the middle,
who isn't really that outgoing.
Or you could have an ISFJ who seems to be more extroverted.
So it doesn't really matter in terms of MBTI type,
but if we're just looking
at perceived introversion or extroversion,
you wanna find someone in the same general ballpark.
Someone who you can keep up with,
or they can keep up with you, that you're not gonna be
like totally burning each other out.
The next letter is N or S, intuition or sensing.
This is one where I think
if you're gonna have any letter be the same,
it might as well be this one.
Intuition and sensing are how we see the world,
how we take in information
and then how we arrange it in our minds.
The intuitives are looking at things
from a big picture perspective,
whereas the sensing types are looking at the details.
The intuitives focus on the abstract,
the sensers focus on the concrete.
And not just actual, literal concrete,
(laughs) so stupid, barely a joke.
And I think you can be different with this letter,
that's fine.
I think what might happen is sensing types look
at intuitives as being like a bit weird,
'cause they're looking at this abstract stuff
rather than the obvious reality right in front of them.
Whereas intuitives might look at sensers
as being just like too caught up
in the minutia of what is real.
So, yeah, that second letter might be good
to have the same one.
The next letter is T or F, thinking or feeling.
This is how we make decisions.
The thinkers are making decisions using logic,
using, how are we just gonna get this to work.
The feelers are making decisions using their emotions
and using the importance, the value placed on things.
I'm gonna give you maybe a controversial opinion right now.
So hold on to your butts.
I think it is good for a relationship
to have a feeler and a thinker together.
I think that having this particular difference is good
because it keeps you, as a couple, balanced out.
You're not going too far with all the feelings and emotions
and you're not going too far with just blunt logic.
There are problems that can come up
when you have a feeler and a thinker together.
I think the biggest thing is
that feelers get their feelings hurt
when the thinkers start thinking.
A lot of times thinking types can just be critical
because that's how their mind works.
They wanna poke holes in things
so that they can find the best solution.
But someone who prefers feeling is not really used to that
and might feel like they are being attacked.
So in that situation, the feelers need to realize,
don't take it so personally.
Likewise, the thinker might look at the feeler and be like,
"You're being totally illogical here."
But what the thinker needs to realize
is that the feeler is trying to prioritize things
and make decisions based on
what they are feeling is important,
not necessarily what's gonna get results.
Then we have the last letter, J or P, judging or perceiving.
The judgers are gonna be a bit more organized,
they wanna plan things out.
The P types are gonna be a little less organized,
they wanna keep their options open.
They wanna be spontaneous.
This is another instance where I think different is good.
J types and P types go together.
Is it bad if you match up
with someone who has that same last letter?
No, not at all.
I just think that this is a particular dynamic
where having someone who is a bit more structured
and someone who is a bit more freeform works well.
It's all about balance, baby. (laughs)
Of course the problem is, if they are too different,
if they're not able to make some kind
of meeting in the middle, the J type is gonna be like,
"Will you please just get your stuff in order?"
And the P type will be like,
"You can't tell me what to do.
"You're not my mom!"
Or something like that. (laughs)
In our next segment, we're gonna get a bit more detailed
and look at the specific types
and which ones work best together theoretically,
so stay tuned.
Welcome back, we're gonna start to get more specific now
in our talk about Myers-Briggs types and compatibility
in the romantic arena.
Frank, you said that so awkwardly. (laughs)
And were gonna talk a little bit
about cognitive functions here, but don't worry,
I will talk you through it
if you don't know what those really mean.
The cognitive functions are really the inner workings
of each of the 16 personalities.
The four letters in a personality type are the code,
telling us what cognitive functions each type has.
Which, in turn, gives us much more insight
into how they see the world and make decisions.
And gives us more insight into
how they may or may not be compatible with other types.
So let's start by looking at the perceiving functions.
Whoa, hey folks!
Video editor Frank here.
So in this next segment of the video,
I talk about the perceiving functions,
intuition and sensing.
I go into detail, explaining what they are.
And then I ended it all by saying this.
But, you know, the perceiving function's
not the biggest deal in the world,
not the thing that I would get hung up on.
What I think is more important
are the decision-making functions,
the thinking and the feeling.
That is where I think there is the most potential
for conflict and misunderstanding.
So why would I leave something in the video
when I sum it up in the video as not being that important?
So, an extended talk about the perceiving functions,
let's leave it for another day.
It's not that important.
Lets move on, let's get to the next part of the video.
Oh, and be sure to hit the like button,
'cause I think I forgot to say that earlier.
So the FJ and TP types
have the same decision-making functions.
They both have extroverted feeling and introverted thinking.
The FJ types prefer extroverted feeling.
The TP types prefer introverted thinking.
They both have both, they both use both.
It's just one prefers the feeling, one prefers the thinking.
So the thinking, the logic to them,
because it's introverted is personal.
It's all on them,
they have to make sense of things for themselves.
But the feeling and the values
and the emotions are shared with the group.
It's like we have to look outward to really come up with
what the value and importance of things is.
We have to have some kind of harmony there.
But then we have the FP and the TJ types
who have different decision-making functions.
They have introverted feeling and extroverted thinking.
Of course, the FP types prefer introverted feeling,
the TJ types prefer extroverted thinking.
So it's like, the feelings, the value,
the importance we place on things, that is personal.
That is up to me to decide.
But the thinking, the logic, and how we work things out,
that's something we gotta do together as a group.
So you can see how if you get this crossed up,
if you have, for example a TP type who is with a TJ type,
there's gonna be a little bit of butting heads.
Because introverted thinking and extroverted thinking,
they're both doing the thinking thing.
They're both trying to figure things out logically.
They're both just trying to get things to work.
They're trying to find a solution,
but they're going about it in very different ways.
Or if you get an FJ type and a TJ type together,
yes, they are both using an extroverted deciding function.
You've got extroverted feeling
and you've got extroverted thinking,
but they're going about it in very different ways.
The extroverted feeler is just trying to figure out
how can we make everyone happy?
How can we all agree on what is important?
Whereas the TJ type is, I don't care if you're happy,
I'm just trying to get something to work
and I will like beat everyone over the head to get it done.
There is a lot of potential (laughs)
a lot of potential for conflict if you start
to mix these decision-making functions in a match.
Mix and match, that's right. (laughs)
Is it something that is impossible?
Is is a deal-breaker?
No, but it is something that can be shocking
if you have like, for example,
an FP type, an introverted feeler,
who's talking to an introverted thinker
and it's like, why are making decisions this way?
It makes no sense to me.
It's outside of my language of decision-making.
But you know what advantage you have, dear viewer,
is that you are understanding personality types,
so you can just realize, oh, this person isn't weird,
they just have a different cognitive function set than me
and I can work with that.
So I think if you have types that are very different,
you could have, yes, that shock initially of like,
oh, why are you doing things?
But I think you also get that opposites attract thing,
where it's like, ooh, you are so different,
I am attracted to that.
That is what opposites attract means, if you didn't know.
But there is the potential for conflict
because of misunderstanding.
Whereas if you get types together that are very similar,
there will be kind of an instant comfort
and rapport between you, because it's like,
oh, we are talking the same language, this is great.
But you could have issues come up and conflict
when it comes time to define each others roles.
And I don't mean honey rolls. (laughs)
I don't mean breakfast rolls.
For instance, if you have two feeling types together,
someone at some point
is gonna have to be the more logical one.
Because you just need to have balance in life.
So there could be some conflict arising
between which one of us is gonna get to be the feeler,
which we both are,
and which is gonna have to like change a little bit
and rely more on thinking to make sure that we're balanced.
It might sound silly,
but that could be a big source of conflict.
The other thing is,
when two very different types are matched up together,
there is a lot of potential for growth.
You will be strong where the other person is weak
and vice versa, which can, if you stick together
and work through conflict,
will bring out the best in both of you,
will bring... (laughs)
You'll grow and stuff. (laughs)
If you are very similar, you can still grow,
because you'll have to find balance on you own.
But there's also the potential for becoming too imbalanced
and like enabling each other,
because you'll have the same weaknesses
and the same strengths, and you'll be like,
"Hey, I'm weak in that point, you're weak in that point,
"let's just not even worry about it.
"Let's not try to grow."
Ultimately, compatibility comes down to things
that are not quite explainable by type,
such as shared experiences, shared values,
shared goals, shared sense of humor.
Although I guess you could argue sense of humor
could be a little bit affected by personality type,
but we'll leave that for another video.
Types should really be used to understand the other person
and where they're coming from, to be able to work with them.
'Cause compatibility, in my opinion,
is ultimately something that you work at and develop.
It's not something that just happens day one
and it's good to go forever.
Don't forget to download this video's sponsor
Ur My Type at the links down in the description
or in the app stores.
Thanks for watching.
If you watched all the way to the end,
leave a pony emoji in the comments.
If you'd like to get a bit more into
how the 16 personalities make decisions,
check out this video right here.
Or if you are just curious
to look through the whole playlist
of educational 16 personalities videos,
click the playlist right here.
Thanks for watching and until next time,
stay cool and attractive.