I've talked about this before,
but I think it bears repeating.
You've probably noticed a lot of late night hosts out there
they just come out and they tell some monologue jokes,
All right?
That's fine for them.
But this guy, I like to innovate, okay?
I'm sorry other hosts, that's just the way I roll.
You see, I found a way to tell great topical jokes
here at the top of the show that add excitement, sex appeal
and a little 80s nostalgia.
It's a great new way of devised
we're gonna do it again tonight, check it out.
(clears throat)
Well, it was reported today that there are 240 U S schools
named for confederate leaders.
Yeah, the Confederate leaders include Robert E. Lee,
Stonewall Jackson and Kid Rock!
♪ Breaking news, we have a world peace now ♪
♪ Thanks to Conan's Epic Burn ♪
♪ Did you ever think that you could laugh while you learn? ♪
What was that?
What do you mean, what was that?
I'm trying to save the world with laughter, Andy.
Oh.
Hey, Fox News is laying off the people
who do hair and makeup or, as Fox News calls them reporters!
♪ Conan's world Just caused a truth-quake ♪
♪ Crushed the bad guys in a blink ♪
♪ He has jokes that make you smile and make you think ♪
I don't know how that made me think, that joke.
Okay Andy, just go with it, all right?
Go with it, it's working. Okay, all right.
Recent polls revealed that Joe Biden
is struggling with Latino voters.
Today, Biden reminded a Latino group
that he voted against the Mexican-American war.
♪ Sleepy Joe just got destroyed now direct hit from C O B ♪
♪ He's crying on an Amtrak train the power of comedy ♪
This is actually my least favorite song
written for the movie St. Elmo's Fire.
Thanks Andy, I'll keep that noted.
Okay.
One more, scientists have discovered
a noxious gas on Venus, that's a sign of life.
Of course, here on Earth, the noxious gas
is a sign of a nearby Arby's.
♪ Uh oh, you've got punchline fever temperature of 103 ♪
♪ Comedy's the antidote and Conan's the vaccine ♪
(sighs)
Well, looks like no snarky comment from Andy on that one.
♪ Andy doesn't like this song but ♪
♪ No one asked what Andy likes ♪
♪ Cut to him right now look, he's not paying attention ♪