Oisín
What?
I need your help I got a new iphone
That's an android
What?
It's an android it's not an iphone
I don't care what it is
I can't get the thing working
Just turn it on
I haven't finished reading
the manual yet
I haven't filled out the warranty yet
This phone is to last me
five years
ten years
fifteen
seventy-five years
play your cards right
I'll leave it for you in my will
I just want the phone calls and the text messages
Okay so
Just the basics
Yeah okay just Whatsapp then
No Jesus no I don't want any of that
waste of time those
applications
but Whatsapp is text messages
Is it?
Yeah
Oh right yeah well
well that's OK yeah
Yeah just that yeah
Oh and the email
and the Skype
and the Facebook
Oh and the Tesco app
The Words with Friends
And the Zoom
Just the basics then?
Yes just the basics
Okay so what was your password on your last phone?
Password yes
Right yes I've written it down somewhere there now
Yes
Um...
Right
it's gone on me again
I had it there now
OK try...
Password11
No
Try
Clean as you go all caps
No
Try my name
No
Try my maiden name there
My maiden name
Eh...
Yeah
Oisín
My maiden name
Now I just need to put in your google password
Oh I don't know what it is
Put in your banking password?
I don't know
Facebook password?
Oh I can't remember
Microsoft password?
You don't remember
I don't have that
Oisín I can't
it's gone on off on me
I've broken it
Look there you go
What did you do?
I just turned it on
How'd you do that?
Press the button
Oh Jesus I'm pressing this one here now
What's that
Why why are those two things
That's volume
Well they're very close together
Well you just press this
and you put in your pin
That's ridiculous
That's absolutely ridiculous now
It keeps going off on me
Now why does it do that?
The screen just times out it goes alseep
Well can you turn that off
because it doesn't give me a second before
it's gone again
Look you can just it's on ten
Look it's gone there it's gone again
It's because you haven't used it for 10 seconds
10 seconds?
You can't do anything in 10 seconds
The camera on this is marvelous isn't it?
They're great shots you should get them printed
What are these now?
They're notifications
Right and
You just you press them
and then they'll open
You press into them right okay yeah yeah
Okay yeah
Just put in your pin
Oh I don't I don't know what that is
Doomdah
Right I'm off to the shop
uh do you want anything?
No
You don't?
No
Oh you forgot your phone Mum
Oh Jesus no I'm not bringing that with me now
way too expensive
They'll get robbed or lost or worse
What?
Hey we're Foil Arms and Hog subscribe to the channel
Don't mumble
Sorry
Mum leave him alone
Subscribe to the channel
subscribe to the channel
Hit your C's
s-C-ribe
Can we go play football now?
No no no you haven't told them about the Edinburgh Fringe Festival
Alright fine fine Foil Arms and Hog are coming to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival
with a brand new show 'Hogwash'
in August
Gonna be deadly
tickets are on sale now
There's no need for the tone right
This is the pitch
This is the bit where you're selling something
This is where they make their money
If they want to but a ticket they'll buy a ticket
they have all the information Mum
it's very important
that they make money
Doomdah