Questioner: When should you end a romantic relationship?
Sadhguru: Romance means that you are looking at the beautiful side of life.
The imprint of that within you is much deeper than thought process.
If such a thing is happening, you shouldn't make a deal.
When I was to marry, the moment she saw me, she burst into tears, and she had no other way.
So I said, "Okay, this is it!" [Laughter]
Questioner: Namaskaram, Sadhguru. My name is Kshitij.
And in this big jigsaw puzzle that we're navigating,
a small part of it is, our dating life and our relationships.
And that's what we as a company help the youth,
let's say from 18 to 45 years of age, help them navigate through.
And one of the big questions that comes up every time,
and this is a huge one for our own personal relationships is,
when should you end a romantic relationship, or continue to work on it?
Because when we've grown up, we've seen our parents...
Questioner: It's not a very... Sadhguru: It's no more Janam Janam – gone, huh?
Questioner: Exactly. No more Janam Janam. [Laughter]
Questioner: Just... this janam becomes so difficult, but there's that part...
Sadhguru: Monthly, monthly is it? [Laughter] Questioner: Monthly. [Laughs]
Sadhguru: See...
we are looking at everything with an expiry date for everything – that includes human relationships.
See, there are various types of relationships, but today...
you're in Mumbai and you're using the word 'relationship' as Americans use it:
that it has to be a body-based relationship; it need not be!
We have a variety of relationships: we have business relationships, we have family relationships,
we have friends, we have other kinds of relationships, isn't it?
First of all, romance means that...
you're looking at the beautiful side of life, essentially.
It's romantic to watch the sunset, because most people are watching this phone screen;
sunset also, they watch there only, later in the night. [Laughter]
So, essentially romance means you're looking at the beautiful aspect of life.
So, just because a man and woman are together, it doesn't mean there is romance happening,
because human relationships are still need-based.
Physical needs, psychological needs, emotional needs, social needs, financial needs – a variety of needs are there.
To fulfill those needs, people come together.
But this particular relationship, which you call as 'romantic relationship,'
a whole lot of time there's no romance there, just compulsions being fulfilled.
There are compulsive things happening, which needs to be addressed.
So, some people address their compulsions gracefully,
some people address it in ugly ways, in graceless ways.
Where your emotions are involved,
where your body is involved, thought is different.
See, with thought I can play with you right now; next moment, I can withdraw.
It's very agile.
But, once emotion and body plays,
the imprint of that within you is much deeper than thought process, isn't it so?
Once that imprint is happened, if you go on a...
because there is a dating app, whatever you call it.
What do you call it? Participant: Dating app.
Sadhguru: Dating app. So, because there is an app like you...
you know, you're looking up whether I go for Swiggy, or Ubery, or this, or that,
this restaurant, that restaurant – okay, order from all the 5 restaurants. People are doing this, all right?
So, because there's an app for relationships, if you start doing that, it looks like you're very smart,
because on one app you're with this one, with another app you're with that one, with another app you're with that one.
The 3 of them never meet, hopefully. [Laughter]
The city's big enough – and it need not be in the same city.
See... technology is a tremendous tool.
We must see how to enhance our lives with this, because that's the idea of technology.
Why we came up with so many machines? See, suppose you were made like a tree – that is, you were rooted in one place.
Would you have made, or invented, a bicycle? I'm asking you.
No; because you already had mobility, you came up with higher level of mobility.
Because of that further, further, further, see where all we are going.
We're getting into space only because there is mobility.
Because we can speak, we came up with the microphone.
If we had no speech, would we ever come up with a microphone? Telephone?
Because we can see, we came up with a microscope, telescope – all kinds of scopes.
So essentially, every machine, every technology that we have done till now,
is only an extension of the faculties that we already have.
So, you're capable of, you know, if you're in 60s, 70s,
you could only fall in love with your neighborhood girl, whoever she was.
Now, you can fall in love with somebody who is 10,000 miles away.
And with 10 different... or every 1,000 miles,
because you're using my 30,000 so I'm getting back at you. [Laughter]
[Laughs]
So, there is a certain facility which is nice, because otherwise,
your parents would search for somebody and say, "This is the girl for you."
Why? Because her stars are good, her father is good, and... whatever.
[Laughs] Why should I be telling you all this, but...
You know, when I was to marry, I just met this girl, and I just know her pet name.
I don't even really know her full name.
I decided this is it, then I went and told my father.
He said, "Who is this? Who is her father? What does he do? Where are they?"
I said, "I don't know what the hell he is."
"No! You don't know the father, you don't know the family, you don't know anything – how will you marry her?"
I said, "See, I'm marrying only the girl, I have no intention of marrying the father. [Laughs] Just the girl."
Well, I was never looking for anything in my life.
I thought... these things are not for me, because I was too busy doing what I'm doing.
The moment she saw me, she burst into tears, and she had no other way.
She just started following me wherever I went. So I said, "Okay, this is it!" [Laughter]
Any one of them, if they feel there's no way,
then yes, but not everybody may come to that kind of thing.
Then you have to make a deal. Deals have to be managed.
Love need not be managed. Deals have to be managed probably – it's a give and take.
Only one way transaction won't work. Hello?
In anything, whether it's marriage or marketplace,
both the parties must benefit, otherwise it's not going to work, isn't it?
So, if you just take this much, that once you really meet somebody, and you feel...
this is a good person for me, and I like this, and I'm drawn,
without wanting to think about them, you're thinking about them, hmm?
When you look at the textbook their face appears, when you look at the cinema their face appears;
if such a thing is happening, you shouldn't make a deal.
You must surrender to that, because the sweetness of emotion is the best thing that can happen to you.
You can call it whatever you want.
When you're emotionally feeling sweet, you have the best deal with life!
Don't give that up for somebody who's a little prettier, or richer, or stronger, or this, or that.
You will be making an ass out of yourself. [Laughs]
[Applause]