xxbubblemunkyxx: I don't think anything about this is good! *giggle*
Aladdin: Hi! I'm Aladdin, and I'm a magi.
It's my job to find douchebags-
I- I mean... king vessels, to become the leaders of this world!
This was Test Subject 001.
*Game of Thrones reference*
This is Test Subject 002!
His name's Alibaba, and he's...
Well...
Alibaba: Mag-eye!
Aladdin: MAGI!
Alibaba: How do I up my kingly reputation?
Aladdin: Well, one thing that'll boost your image is rescuing a damsel in distress.
Morgianna: Help... Save me...
I've fallen into a SAR-chasm... (Nice pun, bruh)
Aladdin: That'll work.
Alibaba: Let me guess... I'm gonna have to jump into a massive pit.
Aladdin: Yep.
Alibaba: Giant man-eating plant at the bottom?
Aladdin: Most likely.
Alibaba: ...Bring it on.
BOOYAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!
*screams in terror*
*opening theme*
Alibaba: Rescuing a damsel in distress: Check!
Aladdin: I don't think it counts if you killed a monster with the sheer amount of ammonia you generated from pissing yourself-
Alibaba: I SAID CHECK!
Aladdin: Oh my god...
Alibaba: So what else will help me become king?
Aladdin: Well...
We could go conquer a dungeon, summon a genie and wish for you to be king!
Ailbaba: Fuck yeah, lets *SHIA*!
Aladdin: Wait, you're gonna go conquer it now?!
Alibaba: Ba-bedoop beep beep! (Whatever that means...)
Aladdin: Alibaba, you're drunk! You'll die in there!
Alibaba: No I won't, I've got a McGee!
Aladdin: It's magi.
Alibaba: Ma-guy?
Aladdin: Magi!
Alibaba: Ma- *throat noise*
Aladdin: MAGI!!!
Alibaba: Calm your ma-gina! How hard could it be?
*chaos ensues while they scream like lil' bitches"
Well that was pretty crazy, huh Aladdin?
...
*shits himself* Remember that trap that turned you green and gave you 7 eyes..?
Aladdin: THAT'S NOT ME!
Alibaba: I KNOW! I'M JUST TRYING TO USE MY IMAGINATION SO THAT I DON'T SHIT MYSELF!
Aladdin: I ALREADY HEARD YOU SHIT YOURSELF-
Alibaba: IMAGINATIOOOOOOOOOON!!!
Hey! We made it!
And you said I'd die!
Aladdin: We almost died like 9 times!
AND you shit your pants-
Alibaba: IMAGINATIOOOOOOOON!!
Jamil: Greetings, travelers!
I am Lord Jamil; Warrior of the Dungeon!
Morgianna: Dude. I gave you a piggyback the entire trip.
Jamil: Shut up! Stupid... slave... monkey girl!
Morgianna: I'm.... not a monkey.
Alibaba: Hey, baby. Where are you from, Hottie Island?
Morgianna: Actually, I'm a slave from the Dark Continent.
Alibaba: Huh.
...
Well you don't look African-
*gets rekt for being racist*
Aladdin: Smooth(!)
Amon: Oh my non-existent genie dick, let's get this over with!
Who wants to be king?
Jamil/Alibaba: ME!
Alibaba: The fuck..?
Amon: There's only one way to settle this.
You must fight to the-
Alibaba: Way ahead of ya!
*Jamil gets beheaded*
Amon: Well... That was pretty fucked up!
Alibaba: Now that I have won this fight to the death-
Amon: Dude, you didn't let me finish!
I wanted you to fight to the BEAT!
Like a rap battle?
Alibaba: Oh.
...
Oops...
Amon: *sighs* Fucking white people...
Alibaba: Whatever. I'm still the only one left standing!
Genie! For my first wish:
Make! Me! King!
Amon: Your wish is my command.
*POOF*
Alibaba: The fuck is this??
Amon: Oh, haha! I made you 'Sting'!
See what happens when people
DON'T LISTEN?!
Alibaba: Ugh...
Second wish!
Make! Me! *sneezes*
Amon: Granted! *POOF*
Alibaba: THE FUCK IS THIS?!
Amon: I made you Alibaba-chu!
(Aww, to be fair, he looks pretty cute :3)
Alibaba: IS THIS SHIT A GAME TO YOU?!!
Amon: Damn skippy!
Alibaba: WELL THEN THE GAME BETTER BE CHECKERS, CAUSE I WANNA GET KINGED!!!
Amon: Why don't you just wish for my powers to dwell within you like the last guy?
Alibaba: Fuck the last guy!
I'm Ali-fucking-baba: parts unknown!
I'm not gonna use my third wish to ask you to dwell within me!
Amon: Bitch!
You just did.
Alibaba: No! HEY! Don't dwell within me!
KING ME, BITCH!
Amon: Here I come!
Alibaba: No! STOOOOOP!!!
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!!
Aladdin: Jesus! Why do you wanna be a king so badly?!
Alibaba: Look, as far back as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a king!
*FLASHBACK TIME :D*
So it was no surprise that after the king of Not-Baghdad inexplicably adopted me into the royal family...
*flatline*
...I murdered that fuck.
Witness: HOLY SHIT, HE KILLED THE KING!
*gunshot* HOLY SHIT, HE SHOT ME IN THE DICK!!
Alibaba: Needless to say, I was immediately banished.
Which is pretty much the most extreme punishment for a rich white person.
Aladdin: That's...
That's fucked, man.
You think THAT'S fucked?
Who's even driving this thing-
(NO, NOT THE HORSES D:)
Aladdin: Ah!
Morgianna? Where's Alibaba?
Morgianna: I don't know... king stuff?
You've been passed out for like 3 weeks.
Aladdin: That long? And you've been here the whole time??
Morgianna: Psshh, no.
I went pussy hunting. I- I mean... cunt punting. I mean-
*sighs* Whichever's funnier...
Aladdin: Poor Alibaba... It's really too bad that genie was hard of hearing.
Sinbad: You're telling me!
I wished for the world's biggest clock!
...
Come with me.
Aladdin: No.
Sinbad: You too, monkey girl!
Morgianna: I'm NOT a MONKEY.
Aladdin: We're not gonna follow you to some random...
...luxurious hotel?!
Sinbad: Ja'far! Be a good boy and show them to their rooms.
Ja'far: For the last time, I'm a GIRL!
Sinbad: Yeah, and I'm Sinbad, the king of Sindria(!)
...
Oh wait, I AM that.
Aladdin: Holy shit, you're a king?!
Sinbad: You bet Ja'far's dick I am!
Ja'far: OH MY GOD!
Sinbad: Isn't that right, Masrurrrrrrrrrrrrrr?
Masrur: ...
Aladdin: So, King Sinbad, why did you bring us here?
Sinbad: I don't know, gut decision.
I'm very impulsiv-
LET'S FIGHT CRIME!
*Batman theme, but instead of Batman, it's Sinbad*
Aladdin: Is he always like this..?
Ja'far: Yep.
Sinbad: Ja'far! I don't hear your bassy voice!
Ja'far: I'm a SOPRANO!
Sinbad: Ja'far!
Cassim: So, who the hell are you guys?
The police?
Cause fuck the police!
Morgianna: Calm down, Mr. Boombastic.
Cassim: YOU calm down, you fucking...
Uhh..... monkey.
Morgianna: I'M NOT A MONKEY!!!
Cassim: We are the Fog Troupe.
But you can call us the Foggets!
...
(k)
Cassim: Allow me to introduce our leader.
Alibaba: Yes, it is I!
King of the Fog-
Cassim: LEADER.
Alibaba: We agreed on King!
Cassim: We did not!
Alibaba: No, you said that-
*Alibaba and Cassim argue over King vs. Leader*
Aladdin: Oh my god!
Alibaba! Why are you hanging out with all these Foggets??
Alibaba: You know, Aladdin, they say the job of a mag-eye-
Aladdin: MAGI!
Alibaba: -is to guide people to become king.
Well, I've listened to your advice... And what has that gotten me?
Aladdin: Money, respect, everlasting friendships-
Alibaba: NOTHING! I'm not even CLOSE to being king!
Aladdin: You know, Alibaba... I always knew you were a douche.
And in spite of your doucheness, I thought you'd be an alright king.
But now...
Now you've shown who you really are.
A big. Fucking. Fogget.
Cassim: Damn right he is!
Aladdin: What? No! T- That- That wasn't a compliment!
Alibaba: I'll take it as one!
Now, Aladdin... Allow me to demonstrate the power that will give me the throne!
*PSST* Hey! Genie! You're on!
Amon: You gotta do the song first!
Alibaba: Do I have to..?
Amon: Yeah!
*annoyed sigh*
THIS SWORD IS ON FIREEEEEEEEE!
Morgianna: Gay.
Alibaba: HEY!
There's nothing gay about being the king of the Flaming Foggets!
Now NOTHING can stop-
(gets stopped, lol)
Sinbad: Wow, it was really easy to stop him.
Alibaba: (thinking) He stopped me without breaking a sweat..!
I'll NEVER be king! (starts to cry)
Sinbad: God, what a pussy!
You need to be a real man, like Ja'far!
Ja'far: I swear to god, I will flash you the proof!
Sinbad: I don't wanna see your dick, Ja'far!
Ja'far: God fucking dammit!
(Alibaba continues to cry) Sinbad: Ugh... Hey buddy...
(thinking) Darn, what do I say??
Good Sinbad: Tell him all will be well!
SinBAD: Nah, crush his dreams. Verbally.
Sinbad: WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE THINGS?!
*both consciences get noscoped*
Phew...
Thanks, Masrurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
be-de-dur-be-durrrrrrr.
*Press LT to reload*
Alibaba: YOU KNOW WHAT?! YOU CAN ALL GO OFF TO FUCK-OFFITY LAND!
I'm gonna be king somewhere! You'll see!
YOU'LL ALL SEE!! (runs off)
Morgianna: Where is he going??
Aladdin: Where do you think?
Morgianna: Well...
Alibaba: Hey! You! Tell me I'm the king!
Girl: W- Why??
Alibaba: Tell me I'm the FUCKING KING!!!
Girl: You're the fucking king!!
...
Aladdin: That's, uh... That's a disturbingly elaborate description.
Morgianna: Pretty on point, though.
Aladdin: Oh yeah, for sure.
Judar: Mmmmmm, why did you have to die, John Belushi....
Servant: Lord Judar!
*Judar is spooked*
Servant: I have important news!
Judar: What the hell, man?!
Can't you see I'm trying to FUCKING MEDITATE?!
Servant: My lord! I- I'm sorry! I didn't realize you didn't want to be disturbed!
Judar: Yeah, because I'm soooo approachable
when I'm LEVITATING ON A GOD DAMN CARPET!!
Servant: It's just... there seems to be a new mag-eye-
Judar: Magi!
Servant: Yeah, that!
Judar: Interesting...
I'd like to meet this new magi.
What's he look like?
Servant: He's short with blue eyes and blue hair.
Judar: Huh.
He sounds like a fucking fag-
*opening theme, again xD*
Ja'far: Well... I'm sorry to say, but the search crews haven't been able to track your friend down yet.
Sinbad: It seems he's as elusive as Ja'far's penis.
Ja'far: Ohhh my fuck- Okay...
Aladdin, you're a magi! Why don't you just summon your genie and use him to track down Alibaba?
Aladdin: I mean, I would...
But my genie doesn't grant wishes.
Also, he's kind of a handful.
Ugo: You never use me anywhere anymore, Aladdin!
Aladdin: UGO!
You know how off-putting it is to see a headless blue genie come out of a god damn flute?!
Ugo: But you need me!
Remember the last time you tried to help people yourself?
Old Lady: Help! That cloaked man just stole my purse!
Aladdin: I'll save you!
(Oh for fuck's sake, Aladdin...)
So maybe crossbows aren't my forte.
I'm sorry I don't wanna blow you all the time.
Ugo: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )
Aladdin: *sighs* The FLUTE, Ugo. The FLUTE.
Ugo: Suuuure!
Aladdin: This is why I don't visit you!
Sinbad: Wow! You're nothing like the other magi I've met.
Aladdin: You've met other magi?? What are they like?
Judar: Hey, Hakuryuu! Get the fuck back to prince work!
Hakuryuu: But Judar, prince work is haaaard!
Judar: Have you tried not being a FAGGOT?!
Hakuryuu: No...
Judar: Then STOP your SHIAT!!
Aladdin: That guy sounds like a huge prick!
And that's coming from a guy who's king-in-training is a huge prick.
Ja'far: I'm sure that friend of yours will come around.
After all, that's how I fell in love with THIS huge prick!
Sinbad: Don't make our bromance gay, Ja'far.
Ja'far: I can't make it gay, I'm a HETEROSEXUAL WOMAN!
Morgianna: They're right, Aladdin. I'm sure he'll come back.
Aladdin: You think so?
Morgianna: I got a feeling...
HEY! Fogget king! Party's over!
Alibaba: (drunk) Youcan'ttellmewhatIcan'tbe...
You.... fuckinmonkey-
I'M SORRY!!! I'M SORRY!!! I'M SORRY!!!
Aladdin: Alibaba, you're back!
Alibaba: Darn right I am!
And to-ho-tally by my own will!
*chuckles nervously while Morgianna is still triggered*
Aladdin: You know...
You may be a huge prick sometimes...
But you're MY huge prick.
Wait...
Judar: Did somebody say huge PRICK?!
Alibaba: Oh my shit!
That is SO badass!
Aladdin: Ali...baba..?
Alibaba: Ohh man! Are you a mag-eye?
Judar: Magi!
Alibaba: Oh my dick, you ARE!
Judar: Who in the fuck is this guy??
Alibaba: KING ME KING ME KING ME KINGMEKINGMEHKINGMEH
Aladdin: Alibaba... If I told you
rubbing my dick would make you king, would you-
Alibaba: HEY! ANYONE GOT LOTION?!
Aladdin: AliBABA!
IT WAS A JOKE!
Alibaba: Ohh.....
(to Judar) Well what about YOUR dick?
*gets rekt, AGAIN*
Judar: Douchebag...
Aladdin: Hey! That's MY douchebag! Only I get to do that to him!
Judar: Well bippity-boppity-fuck!
Look what the faggity godmother dragged in!
Aladdin: Well... nice... eye shadow, jerk!
(thinking) Heh, got em.
Judar: I like your eye shadow too...
Aladdin: I'm not wearing any eye shadow-
*One Punch Magi*
*groans*
Is that... it?
*sighs* I swore I wouldn't blow him again...
*Attack on Titan Theme: Flute Version*
*Attack on Titan Theme: Actual Version*
Judar: What in the smurf fuck is THAT?!
Aladdin: Ugo.
Judar: Okay??
*UGO SMASH*
Aladdin: Had enough?
Judar: Yes! Thanks!
Aladdin: Ugo, you can stop.
(UGO STOPS WHEN HE WANTS)
*panicked yelp*
*UGO SMASH*
Aladdin: Ugo? What's gotten into you?!
*fly passes by*
Ugo: DIE, YOU WEST NILE BASTARD!
*UGO SMASH*
Alibaba: Aladdin... you found this genie, like... TODAY, right?
Aladdin: Uhh....
Alibaba: You know, because we went through all that hassle of almost dying, shitting my pants
to find a hard-of-hearing genie, who couldn't even make me KING!
Aladdin: Look, it doesn't work like that-
Alibaba: You are a selfish prick, Aladdin!
Aladdin: OHHH, that is RICH coming from you!
Alibaba: You know what would be more rich?!
ME, after using YOUR genie to grant MY wish to be KING!!
Aladdin: UGO
CAN'T
GRANT
WISHES
YOU
FUCK!!
Alibaba: Well maybe that's a blessing in disguise, Aladdin!
Because right now, I wish your genie would-
Judar: DIE, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!
(1 like = 1 prayer for Ugo... ;-;)
Aladdin: He... he killed Ugo...
Alibaba: Oh my god...
...
I could've used that wish TO BE KING!!!
Aladdin: THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY TO ME?!
Alibaba: Aladdin, please! I'm in a very emotional state, right now!
Aladdin: THAT'S IT!
THERE IS NO WAY AN ASSHOLE LIKE YOU SHOULD BE A KING!
Alibaba: What?!
Aladdin: YOU ARE JUST A SELFISH TEENAGER WHO HAS HAD EVERYTHING IN LIFE HANDED TO HIM ON A FUCKING PLATTER!!
Alibaba: Am not! Now wipe my butt!
I shit myself earlier today and I don't know how to clean it!
Aladdin: Oh...
my...
gooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDD!!!!!
Alibaba: Aladdin..? You- You're kinda bleeding...
Aladdin: IT'S CALLED A NOSE BLEED, YOU FUCKING IDIOT-
Ja'far: So... Any idea what caused the aneurysm?
Alibaba: Jesus...
What have I done..?
Sinbad: What's a Jesus?
Alibaba: No... It'll all be worth it...
I'll become king! I'll do it for Aladdin! I'll make it-
Sinbad: You wanna become king, huh?
As King of Sindria, I can make that happen!
Alibaba: Really?!
Sinbad: Yeah! I'm just amazed anyone would actually want to be king.
Morgianna: Why wouldn't you want to be king?
Sinbad: Well, you know, the assassination attempts, the sleepless nights,
knowing you could be attacked at any moment,
never knowing if the bonds of friendship you make are genuine or just empty power crabs...
...
And don't even get me started on the paperwork!
Alibaba: Sooo, I don't want to be king of the Flaming Foggets anymore...
Cassim: You can't quit now, Alibaba!
See, we started from the bottom, now we're here!
Alibaba: Right...
Cassim: Started from the bottom, now our whole team's fucking here!
Alibaba: Yeah, I got it-
Cassim: Started from the bottom then we got a little higher!
You can't go lower than the bottom!
Alibaba: Cassim, it's over!
I don't wanna be king anymore!
Cassim: Come on, Ali-baby!
Don't you want to be king even a little bit?
Alibaba: No. I... really don't.
Cassim: Not even the thought of people kneeling before you..?
...
Alibaba: Go on...
Cassim: The thought of absolute power...
Alibaba: More....
Cassim: Me as your slave boy...
Alibaba: What??
Cassim: KING!
Alibaba: ERGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
Okay! Alibaba is back on board!
So, how are you gonna make me king?
Sinbad: We shall have... a bake sale!
Alibaba: A.... bake... sale?
Sinbad: Yes, and with the help of my secret souffle recipe,
"Sinfully Delicious!"
we will raise the funds you need to campaign for your throne.
Alibaba: That's borderline retarded!
Sinbad: You could've been more constructive with your criticism...
Alibaba: Well I've got a new plan! And it's called:
You! Peasant! Want a new king?
Peasant: No way! Our king is benevolent and charitable! No one would ever want to overthrow him!
Alibaba: I heard he raised taxes.
...
*people protest*
Ja'far: Sir, the people are rioting!
Should we do anything to intervene?!
Sinbad: Calm down, Ja'far ma' boy.
Ja'far: I'm not a BOY!!!
Sinbad: That angry mob will burn out fast enough.
After all, how could they resist THESE?
*REALLY frustrated groan*
Entai: Stand down, assailant!
Alibaba: Ha! I have a sword, you don't!
You won't stand a chance against me!
Entai: You'd be surprised!
Alibaba: NOTHING COULD SUPRISE- Holy shit, he's an elephant...
Entai: Yes! I obtained this form to protect His Majesty!
I will not let you become the new king!
Alibaba: Me...
new...
KING?!?!
Entai: ...Did you just get a boner?
Alibaba: Yeah. I did.
So did my SWORD!
*Entai gets rekt*
Damn! This sword is lit!
Oh, I just heard it...
Cassim: Nice one, Fogget King!
Alibaba: Why don't YOU be the Fogget King, Cassim? I'm gonna be the real one.
Cassim: No, Alibaba... I will be the real king.
I was there to support you. All the way.
But would you do me the little favor of making me your slave boy?
No!
So now I've realized the only solution!
If you won't make me YOUR slave boy...
I'll make you MINE!
Morgianna: That... is sooo hot.
Alibaba: MORGIANNA!
Morgianna: WELL IT IS!
Cassim: Now bow down before my supreme power!
(suicide..?)
Alibaba: Well, that was easy-
(never mind, lol)
Aw, COME ON!
Morgianna: Alibaba! Do you need help or anything-
Alibaba: Monkey! Look out!
Morgianna: NOT! A MONK-
Fine... I'll handle him.
Alibaba: Ha. You sound pretty confident there, Morgianna. Are you sure you don't need my help-
*MORGIANNA KICKS SOME MONKEY ASS*
Alibaba: I... guess she's got this.
Oh sweet Allah...
Alibaba: Okay, Alibaba. Take a page out of her book.
Be calm... cool... coll-
*All plans of being calm, cool and collected go out the fucking window xD*
Morgianna: (thinking) He's got this...
Cassim: Ohh, I always dreamed it would happen this way!
Me alone with the boy who stole my heart!
Alibaba: And how.
Cassim: Ehh, is that-
Alibaba: Yeah.
Cassim: Come on, Alibaba, please! We're friends!
With potential benefits!!
Alibaba: There's only one friend I care about, Cassim. And I'm not gonna let him down.
Cassim: Please... I'm begging you, please no!
Alibaba: Bros before hoes, hoe.
*grand finale (of the episode, at least)*
Morgianna: What the hell happened in there..?
Alibaba: SHUT UP AND KING ME!
People of Not-Baghdad!
Through this coupe on your monarchy, I have captured the title of king!
Now kneel before me!
Sidebeard Bob: Uh... you can't make them do that.
Alibaba: What..? Of course I can!
I'm, like... the KING!
Sidebeard Bob: Yeah... We're a constitutional monarchy. We have a parliamentary system of governments.
The king only performs ceremonial duties like ribbon cuttings and birthdays.
They have no real power.
I should know. I have a sidebeard.
...
Oh, and here's your introductory paperwork.
Alibaba: Sinbad, you
SON OF A BITCH!!!!!
Sinbad: So! How did my brilliant plan go?
Ja'far: Sir, we've only made $12
and most of it was Masrur!
*Masrur noms*
Sinbad: "Sinfully Delicious!"
Ja'far: *sighs* Fuck me...
Sinbad: I don't swing that way, Ja'far.
Ja'far: WHY DO I HAVE TO LOVE YOU????!!!!!!
*ending theme*
[Subtitles by mikei9182 (I hope I did a good job <:D)]