- Are you afraid to do butt stuff?
Uh... (laughing)
(chill music)
- How often do you actually think about sex?
I would say, I think about it like a couple times a day.
- Once you've had sex it just
naturally crosses your mind, I think.
- Not like consistently, but like it'll pop in.
- When I was a virgin,
every single hour of every single day.
After that, maybe once a day.
- When did you lose your virginity?
How was it?
I actually lost it in October of 2020.
It was not the way I imagined it.
'Cause I come from a religious family.
I'm like, I wanna wait until I get married.
No, it was like a late night snap call.
- I actually lost it pretty early, around 14.
And it was by far not the best experience.
- I'll admit, like it wasn't the best.
Obviously I didn't know what the hell I was doing.
- I thought it was great.
It wasn't like how you would think like porn is,
yet it was still good though.
- For a long time, I actually thought that I had
really, really young onset erectile dysfunction.
I had like incredible anxiety when it came to sex.
And so every time there was an opportunity to have sex
it just, my body was not on the same page.
There was actually one person in particular,
who I'll never forget, but she was like laying
on this bed, and she was like, wow, you have a naked woman
in front of you and you can't get hard.
There was just a flood of like
all the feelings of inadequacy.
And all that I had been thinking was going to happen
negatively in my sex life did happen in that moment.
- Do you get emotionally attached
to girls you have sex with?
For me it's based more on the relationship that was built
as opposed to how much sex we're having.
- It's hard for me to have sex without emotion.
And I find myself missing that person after.
- I was like a late bloomer.
Like nothing in high school.
And then like after high school and into college,
then girls started paying attention to me.
So I was like, I could care less
about being emotionally attached.
It was like any girl that I was mostly attracted to,
I was like, great, awesome.
You maybe kind of suck as a person, but like, oh well.
We'll figure that out later.
I'm just happy to be here.
- How much do you understand the female anatomy down there?
Can you name all the parts right now?
Down there?
Isn't it just one thing?
- I'm not a scientist or a major in anatomy.
- I shouldn't even try this.
- Vagina.
Good start.
- Okay, okay.
Literally it's just the vagina, right?
That's it?
- So I know the clitoris.
- Well the clit, right?
- I know what the clitoris is.
- Something major and there's something minor.
- Labia?
- I don't think lips are,
I don't think that's the real name.
Yeah?
- This could be dumb, but urethra?
- Oh and the hood, right?
I think I read that somewhere.
- Vulva.
And that is it.
- I mean, how much stuff could there be down there?
- How did I do?
- I'm gonna watch YouTube videos after this now and just.
- Can you describe how it feels to ejaculate?
Does it feel like peeing?
I would say the only time it feels like peeing
is like when you're holding it for a really long time,
and like you're trying to bathroom,
and then finally you're just like, oh.
- I don't know, it's like a build up.
And then it just like, it's like a wave that just, whoosh.
You know?
- But after you look, you feel gross.
Like most of the time.
I've like heard it from like most guys,
like once I nut, I feel gross.
- Do you care if a girl is fully shaved down there?
I don't really think it's like my place necessarily
to be like, you know what, actually,
can you change this for me?
I feel like that's kind of weird.
- I'm a big fan of just vaginas in general.
However they're packaged, I'm with it. (laughs)
- I do prefer cleanly shaved, but either way is fine.
As long as they're hygienic, for sure.
- Do you care if your partner doesn't finish?
Yes!
Everyone should care!
Oh my goodness.
Ah, this double standard frustrates me to no end.
- I feel guilty if I don't.
- When it comes to sex, a large portion of that pleasure
comes from seeing the other person's pleasure.
- If I am with them, and I'm like dating them, like, yes.
Sexually, it's the first thing at my list,
she has to finish.
If it's like a little hookup, like I don't,
to be honest with you, I don't care.
I was more worried about myself, I'm not gonna lie.
I am selfish as soon as it comes to hookups.
But I'm dating you, I'm making sure
that's all I really, really care about.
- When I was in my long-term, serious relationship,
I don't think she ever got an orgasm, at least from me.
So later in the relationship, I was just trying so hard.
I was reading up on a lot of stuff just to see,
like what can I do to make this happen?
And it just never happened.
But it's a huge hit to the ego.
I'm like, oh man, I wonder what that feels like,
just because I've never, I mean,
I've never experienced that to be quite honest.
- Have you ever questioned your sexuality?
Absolutely, 100%.
For a long time, people were like, oh yeah,
they would assume that I was gay, et cetera.
And for a while I just hated that assumption.
But eventually I decided to take the time to feel like,
hey, you know, maybe what if this is the case?
And I think I did my due diligence in trying
to be honest with myself and recognize what was
and was not interesting to me.
And as such, I think I came to a definitive conclusion.
I'm definitely team vagina, for sure.
- I knew very early on that I liked women.
I had my first girlfriend when I,
well my first girlfriend, when I was in first grade.
I had my first kiss with a girl when I was in third.
Yeah, no, it was, it's never something I questioned.
Yeah.
- I grew up in a Mexican household.
So Latinos, they're very, be manly,
and be this, and be that.
And anything that doesn't involve
whatever a typical man is, whatever that means,
they were just like, no, none of that.
- I've kissed a man or two.
I think that's maybe the extent of experimentation.
Have I thought about it?
Maybe once or twice.
I've lived in the Midwest for all my life
and everybody over there is pretty conservative.
So growing up in that,
I was just known to like women, for the most part.
- It was a passing thought.
At one point I did think about it,
especially after moving from home.
But then I wouldn't feel
that genuine connection with another man,
so I wouldn't act on it.
- Have you ever been self-conscious about your penis size?
No, short answer.
- So the straight answer is yes.
'Cause there's an unfortunate stereotype
with people of my ethnicity that goes around.
Not saying that it's true or false.
But with that stereotype it gets to your head
just a little bit because, I mean,
you don't know if it's true or false.
Especially like when I see myself naked
I'm just like, okay.
Is this normal, is this not normal?
I don't know.
- Especially as a black male, there are
a lot of expectations that are very, very, very, very lofty.
You expect to have a very large penis
and you realize that you don't have a very large penis.
And so for a long time, I think what was,
a lot of my anxiety was rooted in
was me being a disappointment,
and not meeting those expectations in real time.
- It's something that gets a lot of focus.
When you go to the store and you buy a pack of boxers
or something, you're gonna see a guy who's ripped,
and he's packing like 10 to 12 down there, you know?
And it's like, what the hell?
Is that what we're supposed to look like?
- When you enter middle school,
you start to watch porn.
And you see these guys that like, in the scenes,
and they're like.
And then it just makes you think like,
well, I can't compete with that, look at me.
- Are you afraid to try butt stuff?
Yeah, I don't want anyone coming near my butt.
What?
- Uh... (laughing)
I think if I were the receiver, yeah, I'd be afraid.
And I think I'd be afraid to even be the giver.
I don't know.
I've heard some horror stories.
- I don't know.
I'm a little nervous.
Yeah, I'm a little nervous,
but like I think I gotta try it at some point.
I'm open to it, kinda, I'd say.
- If I walked in this door
and there was the opportunity to get pegged
I probably would decline.
And I don't, I couldn't,
I don't even know if I could say why.
'Cause I don't...
I know I'm not gay.
It's not a question of my sexuality.
I wouldn't say afraid.
Mm, I could be talked into it.
There you go.
I could be talked into it.
In the right place, in the right time, I could say yes.
- I ran into that topic one time.
And just to avoid double standards, I gave it a try.
And not for me.
- Oh, oh my God.
I did try it and I didn't like it.
It was actually the first time I had sex.
I see her finger go, and then I was like, whoa.
Tried it, didn't like it.
But if you're into that, okay, that's okay.
- All right, how do you define consent?
How I define consent is kind of
both parties agreeing to do something
that they both feel comfortable with.
- I usually like to ask, are you comfortable with this?
Are you comfortable with this?
And if it's yeses all along the way, great.
If somewhere in there I'm not comfortable,
some safe word, like banana or something,
then it's just like an instant stop.
- Consent is an unequivocal desire at a given moment
to engage in any specified activity with another person.
And that includes sex, or things that are not sex.
- [Interviewer] Have your sexual partners
ever asked for your consent?
- No.
No I haven't, what the heck?
I wish that were a thing.
That'd be dope.
- No, it's usually me that has to do the asking.
And that's okay.
- Yeah.
And when they did, I was kind of like shocked.
I was like, oh wow, like you actually care.
I was like, yes, I do wanna have sex.
Like great, thanks for asking.
- Have you ever pressured someone to sleep with you?
Do you regret it?
Absolutely not.
And I would regret it.
Yes, I've never done that.
That feels horrible.
So no, I've never done that.
- Sex just isn't worth that to me.
And that's something that the other person
would have to carry with them for the rest of their lives.
And that's something that I'd have to carry
with the rest of my life.
- It was like me and my girlfriend.
And I was in the mood and she wasn't.
So maybe I was trying to sweet talk her a little bit.
Like, hey, come on.
Just, you know.
That if anything.
Never to someone, never to a stranger,
never to anyone that I was just acquaintances with.
It was more like a serious girlfriend,
or someone that I was really comfortable with, for sure.
- Yeah, I would say I have when I was younger.
Yeah, I regret it.
'Cause now the way that I look at sex
is it's something special, and you shouldn't be going around
and sleeping with everybody.
It should be with someone that's special to you.
And if you ever have to convince someone
to have sex with you, then it's not worth it.
I definitely felt pressured from my friends.
But I take responsibility for my actions.
I am in control of my body and it was my making.
- [Interviewer] Have you ever done anything sexually
that you didn't really want to do?
- Yes.
Yes.
I thought I made it pretty clear to her,
no, I don't wanna do this.
Get off of me.
So, yes.
I'll answer that bluntly.
- Have you ever felt pressured by peers
to lose your virginity,
or have a sexual interaction?
Yeah.
More like pressure with like the world and culture.
'Cause sex is such a big thing.
Especially for like young guys.
- I was in a fraternity in college.
Coming into my pledge semester
I was the only virgin in the fraternity.
It was almost like an event, every Friday, Saturday,
every time we had a party.
It was all I could think about.
I couldn't even think about school most of the time
just because all I was thinking about was
I don't wanna have this label anymore.
I was sick of it.
- Just the stigma of being a virgin is like,
we shouldn't feel bad for being a virgin.
Honestly, if I wanna be completely honest,
I find myself doing it.
- Bro, you better have sex with her or else,
you're just like a freaking loser, bro.
And it's like, okay.
But like what if I actually like the girl
and I don't really wanna have sex yet.
I might have feelings for her.
I don't wanna take it that fast yet.
- It'll happen, like relax.
We know you're horny.
Just, it's fine.
It'll happen when it's gonna happen.
And don't put a lot of pressure on yourself.
- It's different for everybody.
And you should take the time to understand yourself,
and be honest with yourself at the end of the day.
(chill music)