I am so familiar with these because I've had to deal with,
not just one, but two covert narcissists.
So by the end of this video,
you're gonna know what they are too.
So make sure you stay tuned
and make sure you watch till the end so that you can get them all.
Grab your pen, grab your paper.
So you can write these down
as you're going to want to
know what they are to.
All right.
Let's go.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung
and I am a narcissist negotiation expert.
I have dealt with them in my law practice.
I have dealt with them all along
for many years and I am now dedicating my life
and this YouTube channel so that
you can also have all the tools tricks
and resources to go from having feeling the drama, trauma
and chaos to having a life of freedom, possibility and purpose
and if that is something that you want,
then you make sure to hit that subscribe
and hit that notification bell in that way,
you'll have it all too so that you can feel powerful.
All right. So, let's talk about the coverts.
You know, they're the ones that seem so nice to
the rest of the world.
I think they're t he most dangerous
ones because it's like these little teeny things.
They really under the radar that everybody else thinks
they are wonderful.
They're very good at having this plausible deniability.
They're very good at saying things
and doing things that a way that can be shifted
or taken in a way that's not what I meant.
I mean, it's almost extremely hard to describe to other people.
I mean, even recently,
I was at an event.
I was the keynote speaker for the event
and somebody was asking me about,
oh, you had to deal with a covert narcissist.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
I said,
Yeah, and I said I had to deal with one in business.
Oh really?
What? Were some of the things that you had to deal with and I said,
oh, you know, I really have a hard time
describing it because when I have to describe it,
it never sounds all that bad
because it's the things that they do
are small and they mess with your mind
and it's over time and it's very abusive over time
and it's Death By A Thousand Cuts
and it's logical.
So I'm going to do these things
and I want you guys to be writing things in the comments.
If you've seen these things. I really want to know.
Okay. So here are a few.
It's only because I care about you so much
that I say this insert very underhanded
put down statement about you.
So here is an example.
Only because I care about you so much
that I'm concerned about how much weight you're putting on
or how much you're drinking
or how much alcohol you're consuming
or something like that
or how much of a slut you're going to look like
with that red lipstick on something like that.
It's Psychological a lot of times.
Many times they say the statement to a third party
and sometimes they do this in advance
of the discard to start steed
planting so that when the discard actually happens,
they've planted the seed
so that they can show that third party that they were right
and so concerned about Susie.
Really drinking too much.
She really had a lot to drink last night.
I’m so concerned about her.
So that when the discard happens in
the custody battle happens through these an alcoholic,
seeing how that happens, but it's all under the guise of concern
and that's how the coverts come across through there.
They're very deep sense of care and concern.
The other thing that they will do
the other thing that they say.
Is the say something that is very innocuous
that is ends up being a massive firestorm.
I was in the presence of a covert narcissist
who was with her step daughter
and she happened to say say something
about how she was with the husband.
The father of the child stepdaughter was in her 20s,
and she said, oh, I've been with your dad for 20 years,
whatever it was and the step tile got very
very upset because she realized that
that meant that she had been with the father before the mother
and father had broken up
and was crying and upset and the covert narcissist was
oh, that was just a mistake.
It wasn't my intention. I just said that years wrong.
It wasn't my intention to upset her.
Obviously. I just said the years wrong.
I meant these years.
Clearly it wasn't my intention to upset her.
I meant this number of years,
obviously, and she obviously knew the number of years
but she had bit plausible deniability.
It wasn't my intention to.
So that's another thing that they say,
it wasn't my intention to they know exactly
what they're doing,
but they say things like that and that's why it's
so difficult to pin down because many times,
they seem so nice and so kind
and these are the people that are
out there that they're humanitarians.
They're doing things for the world.
They're oftentimes clergy or doctors
and people think obviously it must have been a mistake.
It was inadvertent, but you know that it's not.
You know that it was absolutely not a mistake.
Another thing that they do is they'll say,
oh, I must have misunderstood.
I said this wrongly or I must have misunderstood.
It's all gaslighting.
It's meant to make you crazy
but it's not. Lots and lots of passive-aggressive behavior.
It's all very very passive-aggressive or they might say something like,
oh, it must be so nice.
It must be so nice to have it like this,
something like that
and I do have much more on this in my video,
called, the covert passive aggressive narcissist,
which you are certainly welcome
to check out because I had to deal with two of these in my life.
One of which I've been able to cut out completely.
Thank God. The other one is a family member.
So we've put up very, very steel boundaries
as much as we can the other thing that they do is,
they'll do passive-aggressive things.
Like, it's fine. It's fine.
It's okay. Something like that.
Another thing that they'll do is
they'll make comment and then they'll say,
oh, I was just joking
or they'll add ha to the end of the statement.
When, you know that they weren't necessarily joking.
By the way, if you have seen any of these things so far.
Give me an amen in the comments
or I would love to know what some
of the examples are that you guys have seen too.
I'm sure you guys have seen many of your own as well.
Another one that I've seen personally is they're extremely jealous.
So if something good happens to you,
they just can barely bring themselves to be happy for you.
So they might say, well,
congratulations, so good for you
and then when you say, aren't you happy for me?
They'll say, yeah. I said congratulations
and you say, well, you don't seem very happy
and you say you r tone didn't seem very happy
and then they act like,
you're the one who's crazy.
You're reading things into it.
You are reading tone.
They turn it and shift it on to you
like you're the one who's absolutely insane.
I said, I was really happy for you.
I couldn't have said it even better.
I warmly congratulated you,
you know, so then you just don't even bother and then you start,
maybe you are crazy.
Maybe you can then maybe you start to feel guilty.
There's all of that as well.
But you know, deep down inside that
they really didn't seem all that happy for you,
or maybe they do seem jealous, something like that.
The other thing that they
are very, very good at is they're extremely
skillful at saying kind of two things at once
and being able to kind of give a compliment and a put down all at once.
It's kind of crazy how good they are
at sort of saying something like your home,
your brand new home is so beautiful.
It's too bad it's on the water where
you're going to have so many issues with mosquitoes or
wow you've lost so much weight.
It's too bad you're going to have so much issue with sagging skin though, right?
What a bummer about that, you know,
something like that or or coded language.
It's so great about your promotion
but what a bummer about the amount
of driving you're gonna have to you do, huh?
I mean just I don't know.
They're very very good.
I'm not even that's good at even coming up with the examples
as they are at at it because there's so so good
at being able to kind of give you a compliment
and also a put down at the same time and having that plausible deniability
and saying things in a way
that their target knows was a put down at the same time.
They'll say something,
you know, where they can actually say something to you
and oh, what was the name of that again?
and they know was why wouldn't you remember that kind of a thing
which, you know, was meant to be a put down
to you or they'll bring a gift to you and you know
that that was meant to be a message
to you and to the rest of the world.
Oh, that was nice. They brought a gift and to you,
you know that that's a message.
Those are the kinds of t hings that covert narcissist do and say.
They are the worst.
As many of you know,
they're the ones that I disdain and detest the most in a lot of ways,
but it also means that there are definitely ways that you can handle them.
I've given you lots and lots of ways that you
can actually work with them in a very powerful way
as far as negotiating with them as well.
Definitely handle them.
You can definitely negotiate with them in a powerful way
and the way you start is by getting my free
Crush my negotiation prep worksheet.
Get that at winmynegotiation.com.
Join my free private facebook group at
Narcissistic Negotiators with Rebecca Zung
and make sure you subscribe to this channel
and hit that notification bell
and remember
that today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
You can always shift the power dynamic with narcissist.
So never give in and never give up.
You got this.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
So thanks for stopping by and I will definitely see you in the next video.