- [Presenter] A man prepares for marriage.
The transition from single to married
is one of the most important and challenging transitions
that can take place in a person's life.
Welcome to a Grace Digital presentation.
In this video, I discuss what every man has to know
before he gets married.
Like I said, the transition from single to married
is one of the most important and challenging transitions
that can take place in a person's life.
Those who want to make it successful
will prepare themselves carefully and thoroughly.
Trying such a transition without proper preparation
is like jumping into deep water
without learning to swim first.
The results are generally disastrous.
If you are preparing for a trade or profession,
such as carpentry or medicine,
you need a clear picture of what you want to become
before you start to prepare.
The same is true of marriage.
A person preparing for marriage needs a clear picture
of the role that he or she must play.
Number one, the importance of tenderness and romance.
In the first place, Jesus is the lover
and bridegroom of his church.
All of his other ministries
spring from the deep, pure spring of his love.
Allow him to open that well in your heart.
Do not be afraid to be tender.
It is a mark of strength, not weakness.
"Set me as a seal upon thine heart,
as a seal upon thine arm, for love is strong as death.
Jealousy is cruel as the grave,
the coals thereof are coals of fire,
which hath a most vehement flame.
Love is as strong as death."
Song of Songs 8:6.
1 Corinthians 13:7-8.
"Love beareth all things, believeth all things,
hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Charity never faileth,
but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail.
Whether there be tongues, they shall cease.
Whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away."
Let us consider the tenderness
with which the Lord speaks to Israel in Jeremiah 31:3.
"The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying,
'Yeah, I have loved thee with an everlasting love,
therefore with loving kindness, have I drawn thee.'"
It is by this tenderness
that Jesus draws his people to himself.
Allow him to impart to you a measure of it.
Through it, he will draw your bride to you,
just as he draws the church to himself.
In our modern, high-achieving, cynical society,
there is not much left of genuine tenderness.
It's almost become a forgotten quality,
and yet there is something in it,
for feminine wives yearn for it.
She will react like a flower opening its petals to the sun.
Tenderness is accompanied by romance.
If you would like to have a picture of the two combined,
study the Song of Songs.
This beautiful, often neglected book
has much to teach God's people about divine and human love.
Romance is not some special kind of activity on its own.
It is a quality that is also conveyed to other activities,
which makes them more stimulating and enjoyable.
This can be illustrated
in something as simple as eating a meal.
Romance is not an extra course
tacked onto the end of the meal.
It is a seasoning added to every course.
It can even add this extra allure to everyday activities,
such as shopping, going to church,
or going for an evening walk.
Why be content with a dreary marriage?
Follow the example of Jesus and strive for a marriage
that corresponds to the one he plans with his church.
Number two, the matter of headship.
What role does a man play in marriage?
In the normal course of events,
the initial role of the husband is a springboard
to a second, equally challenging role, that of the father.
These two roles may be combined
under the single description, head of a family.
Paul depicts this concept of headship
by linking it to the nature of God himself
and to the relationships within the Godhead.
"I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ,
and the head of the woman is man.
And the head of Christ is God," 1 Corinthians 11:3.
Paul imagines a descending chain that begins in heaven
and ends in the family.
God the father is the head of Christ.
Christ is the head of the man, husband.
And the man, husband, is the head of the woman, wife.
In this chain, Christ and the husband
each have a double relationship,
that of above and that of below.
Christ then represents God the father above him
for the man below him.
And the man in turn represents Christ above him
for his wife.
Here is a clear Biblical picture of the role of the husband,
who also becomes a father.
He represents Christ before his wife and family.
What a tremendous responsibility,
and what a sacred privilege.
How can you prepare yourself to meet this awesome challenge?
The key to the life of Jesus
was his relationship to the father.
He expressed this in several ways.
"The son can do nothing by himself.
He can do only what he sees his father doing,
because whatever the father does, the son also does."
John 5:19.
"Anyone who has seen me has seen the father.
The words I say to you, I do not speak on my own authority.
Rather it is the father living in me who is doing his work."
John 14:9-10.
Likewise, your success as the head of the family
will depend on your relationship with Jesus.
Make him the source of your words and deeds.
Trust in his strength and wisdom within you,
not in yourself.
Let him live out his life through you.
What are some of the facets of his life
that will most appropriately reveal themselves in you
as husband and father?
Number three, a self-giving character.
Another quality of the love of Jesus
is that it is self-giving.
"Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church
and gave himself up for her," Ephesians 5:25.
A successful marriage must follow that pattern.
It consists of two lives laid down for each other.
First, the husband, like Jesus,
lays down his life for the wife.
Then the wife in her turn, like the church,
lays down her life for the husband.
Thereafter, each finds fulfillment in the life of the other.
The key to this kind of relationship is the understanding
that scriptural marriage is based on a covenant.
Self-giving is not natural, however,
to fall in human nature.
It has to be cultivated.
First, a decision needs to be taken.
Then it has to be worked out in daily life
until it becomes part of your character.
Do not wait until the marriage begins to give of yourself.
This can cause you and your wife
a lot of unnecessary suffering.
Your marriage will benefit greatly
if you learn to give of yourself now
in the relationships you have with those around you.
If you still live at home,
give of yourself there in small acts of service.
Take out the garbage, even when it is not your turn.
Help with the dishes
so that your sister can go out with her friend.
Babysit your younger brother
so your parents can spend an evening alone.
There are also many possibilities for service
in the context of church life.
Visit the shut-ins, help a widow
or disabled person shop in the supermarket.
All these seemingly small actions
will help to build up in you
something of the self-giving nature of Jesus,
which will one day enrich your marriage
and make you an example to your own children.
Number four, teaching, a most important task.
The image of Jesus as the bridegroom in Ephesians 5:25-26
shows another aspect of his ministry, that of the teacher.
He gave himself up for the church
that he might sanctify and cleanse it
with the washing of water by the Word.
The teaching of the Word of God
must make the church pure and Holy,
suitable to be the bride of Christ.
Here is another way you will be able to represent Jesus
to your wife and family.
Make provision for them
to receive the kind of Bible teaching
that will fit them to be part of his bride.
If God blesses your house with children,
one of your most important tasks will be to teach them.
"And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath,
but bring them up in the nurture
and admonition of the Lord," Ephesians 6:4.
In many families today, what Bible teaching there is
often falls to the mother.
This contradicts the divine order.
Certainly the mother has her role to play,
but the main responsibility lies with the father.
In a home where only the mother
gives the spiritual instruction,
the boys are likely to conclude
that the Bible is a woman's book.
When they reach their teenage years,
they may well decide it has nothing further to offer them.
How can you prepare yourself
to fulfill the role of teacher in your home?
First of all, you should acquire a complete knowledge
of the Bible.
If possible, visit a local church
where solid Bible teaching is given.
This may be supplemented in various ways,
books, videos, correspondence courses, seminars, and so on.
From this, go on to organized, in-depth study
of the great basic doctrines of the Christian faith.
You will need this solid foundation to build on.
Focus on books such as Romans, Galatians, and Hebrews.
Different types of material are available
from the above-mentioned sources.
Brace yourself for hard work.
At the same time, you ask God
to open a door to a situation in which you can begin
to share your acquired knowledge with others.
There are different possibilities,
a home group, a group of students,
a Sunday school class, an inner city mission.
Teaching others is the best way to find out
how much you really learned yourself.
All of this prepares you
to fill the role of teacher in your own home.
By now, you should be qualified
to teach the basic truths yourself.
In addition, through your own studies,
you will have discovered other teaching sources,
such as the ones mentioned above.
Draw on these
in order to build on the foundation of Biblical knowledge
that you have been able to lay in the lives of your family.
In closing, our question of the day,
what's the best thing about being your current age?
- [Announcer] Please put that in the comment section below.
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