how to learn NLP and not become arrogant or narcissistic stay tuned how do you
learn NLP and not become arrogant or narcissistic before I get into that I
just wanted to say I'm super excited because today is open enrollment for my
NLP ultimate online practitioner training the enrollment will be open
from today January 6 through January 20th and at that point it will close so
you want to make sure you get in before it closes and also in the first week if
you sign up you get a free coaching session with me that's a one-on-one
coaching sessions so hope to hope to see you soon in the training I really wanted
to address this issue because it's something that comes up a lot in NLP and
actually I've heard people say or call it arrogance training Oh what is this
all about why would NLP be arrogance training why
does it have that reputation does it attract arrogant people or does it make
people arrogant and my answer to that is actually both anything that you can
learn that might give you an advantage over others is going to attract
narcissistic or arrogant people and NLP absolutely can do that it can
give you an advantage especially when it comes to persuasion and influence and
inner game so it's going to attract people like that now that doesn't mean
that you're arrogant because you want to learn NLP that doesn't mean that at all
there's some dedicated and Health ears who are quite rounded and quite humble
and are not arrogant or narcissistic at all I've met plenty of arrogant
scientists lawyers and doctors as well we think they're smarter than everybody
else so it's not just NLP it could be
anything I would say about 1/3 of the NL peers I've met and about 1/3 of NLP
trainers that I've met I would classify as arrogant or narcissistic so what is
that about it and I'll be make them that way or were they like that before I'm
not really sure but what I am sure of it's an it's on an individual basis
let's talk about how NLP can actually make you narcissistic or make you
arrogant what happens is when people really get good at NLP they realize what
their programming is what creates how they feel about themselves or how they
think about themselves if you were to think about it for a moment if I were to
ask you when you think of you what do you think about and that's a hard
question for a lot of people because they'll start conceptualizing about it
but when you're conceptualizing about yourself that's more about an assessment
of how you think about who you are for example if I have images and
sounds or voices in my mind about being very kind and I value kindness then I'm
going to feel good about myself the feeling good about myself is my self
esteem that's the conceptualizing about myself the images or the audio are both
is what I'm using to make that assessment so if I have a lot of
positive images and a lot of positive sounds which are basically a database of
experiences that reflect on who I want to be I'm going to feel good about
myself and I'm going to have high self esteem as people get good at it okay
they realize they can change personal history they can change up the
programming they can make a negative experience into a positive experience
and this is one of the great things about NLP and this is why we learn it
however some take it a step further and they go for perfection and they think
well if I make a perfect database where I don't have mistakes or I have not made
mistakes or I can cloak the mistakes that I've made in the past then this
will make me better and stronger it makes a lot of sense
it's intuitive actually a lot of people unknowingly as they start to become
aware of their programming go in and start changing it they remove all the
mistakes and they make it perfect in the movie The Matrix when neo meets the
architect of the matrix the architect explains that the first matrix was
perfect it was a creation of art he even calls it he blames our fallen human
nature for not accepting the program and they humans would not accept the matrix
when it was perfect and this has to do with our greater wisdom our greater
wisdom walled by perfection our greater wisdom
knows better so when you're creating a database of perfection there's a greater
wisdom that you have to suppress what happens is it actually makes your
self-concept less strong it makes it weak it makes it unstable when you
remove your imperfections from it a healthy and strong self-concept will
have between 5 and 15 percent imperfections integrated into your
database of experience so in NLP ears get good oftentimes they unknowingly and
with good intentions go into their past into their experiences and remove these
imperfections and remove what they considered mistakes result is they
overcompensate by trying to make this real they have to suppress their greater
wisdom the greater wisdom telling them this isn't real you're not perfect they
suppress that and they have to then go proving themselves that they are perfect
they're trying to make it real and this is a huge pitfall when people start to
become good at it ok when you have imperfections integrated into your
database and you're not overly focused on those imperfections rather you accept
them as having happened and you know how you want to be instead how you want to
move into the future this creates a very strong database a very durable and
resilient database of experience for your self-concept
you can also handle taking feedback never try to give feedback to a
narcissist what happens they either argue you into the ground or they just
get away from you they will not accept feedback even though you can say in the
most polite way they just can't accept it because what you're doing is you're
showing them those counter examples you're bringing that to their attention
and they have to keep this pristine database and you're dirtying it up so
they need to get away from you or they need to fight with you so this is why so
many Annelle peers become arrogant and it doesn't have to
be that way learning NLP doesn't mean you have to go
and try to completely take away your imperfections and mistakes you want to
always be improving but you have to accept the past you have to accept your
mistakes and you want to listen to that greater wisdom that tells you that
nothing is perfect the other thing that happens is when you have people who get
good at NLP and they become narcissistic or arrogant they teach people NLP and we
tend the model our teachers because that's why we're learning for them
because we want something that they have or they we want to be like them in a
certain way maybe not completely but we want to be like them at least for what
we're learning from whatever it is that we're learning from it and in doing that
we model them and imitate them and I'm not going to name any names but there
are some very famous NLP teachers who I would not model and imitate I would want
their knowledge but I would not want to model and imitate them and you see a lot
of their students doing that especially teachers who are very charismatic their
students want to be like them they will start acting like them they will start
becoming like them and they will become arrogant like them oftentimes so this is
what you want to avoid as you get good at this just remember that you need to
allow your mistakes to have happens so that you can learn from them and accept
them don't focus on them because if you focus on them you tend to create more of
them just remember that they're there there okay and accept them and accept
yourself and there's a lot of ways that you can do this really effectively in
tune up your database I have to cover that a different video though check out
my website NLP-gym.com if you like this video please click the like right down
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right for you and then go ahead and sign up and register for the NLP Jim's
ultimate online NLP practitioner training take care