- If you guys get to 200 sales, 400 total for tonight,
you get to whiz the juice with the whiz man himself.
(DeMamp screams indistinctly)
- (indistinct) Oh, my God, man.
♪ You gotta you gotta you gotta ♪
♪ You gotta be fresh ♪
- I'm a rich business person,
and I command you to marry the winner of this match.
- No. - Yes.
- There's not gonna be a winner.
This match is over, you three are evicted.
- Dell, you can evict us all you want,
but I think we're gonna finish this match.
- Yeah! - Yes!
(crowd cheering) - Not on my property,
you're not.
- [Commentator] Cold damn, wait minute.
It just got real out here,
have you ever seen anything like this?
Andreas, do you think we should shut this down?
- No, I don't Montez.
In fact, I don't know why we should do anything
this guy tells us to do.
- Because I'm the lord of this land, and what...
(metal chair clanks)
(crowd cheering)
- Oh, oh!
- (indistinct) What are you doing, man?
- He's gonna evict us anyway, right?
- Yep, but that doesn't mean we should kick his ass.
- Oh, no.
- I'm the one who's gonna enjoy ass Kicking
your dumb ass asses.
(men grunting) (upbeat rock music)
(crowd cheering) (upbeat rock music)
- Oh, a double clothesline!
(man grunting)
(upbeat rock music)
- Yeah, boy.
(man grunting)
(upbeat rock music)
(bodies falling)
- Oh, my God, he's going nuts, (indistinct) yo.
- Break his hands, Blake.
(upbeat rock music)
- Can't manage, his forearms are too strong,
he scoops so much ice cream.
(upbeat rock music)
(man grunts)
- No, no, it's up, you fat, little turd.
You want some more of this, huh?
- You're a fat...
You are...
(man grunts) - [Woman] Oh, Adam.
- PS, I'm taking your security deposit.
- Oh! (crowd booing)
- Oh, yeah.
I'm the bad guy.
I'm the bad guy, all right, shut up.
Just shut up.
Come here, tomorrow at 2:30 to 5:30,
Cold Stone Creamery across from the junior high,
half off all Oreo overloads and birthday cake remixes.
I'll be scooping it up personally.
Oh, what, what?
You guys want that?
I'm gonna get your belt and I'm throw it in the trash.
- [Commentator] Oh, my goodness.
Look what is happening (voice fades).
(upbeat music) (crowd shouting)
For the belt.
They're trynna get the belt (indistinct).
They look like two bitches running at it.
(all shouting) (upbeat music)
(man falls)
Oh, my goodness, Adam and Ders
have slammed Del down on the table!
(man shouts)
Who's the champ?
I can't even speak anymore, Waymond.
Did you have anything to say?
I mean, Waymond, did you see what just happened?
- You all just made a huge mistake.
You'll be hearing from my lawyer.
- Hey, man,
I might be a cat, but you're a pussy, dude.
- Poonanny.
(all laughing)
- Oops, excuse me.
Oh, you dropped something, buddy?
Nope, that is poop, human poop outta your pants,
that fell out.
- Hey, sheep.
You stray too far from the herd and the wolves will get you.
- Okay dokey.
That's good advice, cool costume.
- Hey, you're the one wearing the costume,
society's costume.
- Oh, man.
- Society's costume.
- This is fun.
I'm gonna get going though.
- Why, what are you so afraid of sheep boy.
- I'm not afraid of anything except for maybe carbs.
'cause I'm in a cutting phase right now.
Those are (indistinct).
Whoa, that one got close, all righty.
- Poor, little sheepy walking around in your sheep clothing,
just thinking your sheep thoughts.
Do you wanna continue to just be a faceless drone
in a bullshit society?
Or do you wanna play with my boobs?
(background upbeat music)
- Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and I'm like,
"Who are you, Adam?"
- I bet you lift weights to try
to look like those juice heads in the magazines.
- Guilty as charged.
I'm just a lat guy.
You know, I've got these amazing lats
and I'm just living in an ab guy's world.
- It doesn't matter because now you are sugar bear.
- Sugar bear, that is nice, like that.
But what if we chose a different name
like dangerous, you know, wolf or something,
something that has an edge to it, no?
- No.
- All right, yeah, sugar bear.
That's a good one, I like that too.
- What's up, brothers?
- Mh. - Hey.
- It's Cushing,
Cushing Ward, we used to work here together.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, what up, dude? - Dude, wow.
- I mean, I didn't recognize you.
You've lost a lot of weight and your...
Your skin looks fantastic, it's so shiny.
- You used to look horrible.
- Yeah. - Well,
I lost like 70 pounds,
started using essential oils, 24/7, 365.
- That's cool, I can relate,
'cause I recently lost four pounds,
and started using a loofah with the Old Spice Swagger.
So we're like the same, dude.
- Yeah, totally, totally, man.
So what's the deal?
I'm getting like a real ballers vibe from you, man.
You working with athletes?
Is that what that is?
- No, I'm still doing telemarketing for TAC,
Work at the Van Nuys branch,
just dropped something off for Alice.
- What, you're a telemarketer and you drive a Porsche?
- No, you are coke dealer.
That's how you got so skinny, huh?
- No, no, no, no, no,
still working at Van Nuys.
Just a whole different world over there.
Guy that runs the place, JP, is just a real leader.
- Yeah. - If it wasn't for him,
I'd probably still be living with a bunch of dudes,
smoking weed all day, eating Yoshinoya,
driving my old, shitty car.
(laughs) Not this car.
- Yeah, I'm with you, man.
I drive that Range Rover, that's mine,
that's what I drive.
I own that car.
- [Man] Yep. - So...
- He's driving away your- - Ah, okay.
So that lady's probably taking it for a wash, you know?
I'll see you around.
Be sure to wax it.
- Hey, it's me, Adam, your relative DeMamp,
I'm here to say a few words about gramps,
military, family, beer,
methamphetamines, trailer park for a while, convict.
He was an American hero.
- He was an American a-hole and you all know it.
- (laughs) Dad.
And he deserves a proper funeral.
Thanks for warming him up, son, I'll take it from here.
Hey now, well, the old man finally bit the farm.
I bet he's down in hell looking up at us right now going,
"Hey, dumb asses,
we're the United DeMamps of America, remember?
Let's light a but ton of fireworks
and cranks in the offsprings.
- Yes. - Hit it, Adam.
- Oh, I'm supposed to hit it.
- Hit it. - Okay.
- It's too late, bro.
- No, get off me. - Hit it!
♪ When I go driving I stay in my lane. ♪
- Richard, I know that this isn't the traditional
DeMamp funeral but this is what George wanted.
He loved you all so much.
And he was so very proud of how you've all improved.
- You call this improvement?
Tuck, why isn't your pecker out?
Unleash the cork screw.
- He's got a screw loose.
- Aunt Holly, you're usually down to your g-string by now.
(Adam laughs)
- Take them blows off, Trick.
- What happened to this family?
Oh, right, you're all proud employees
of the easiest pop pizzeria with your dental insurance.
This isn't even a pizza family.
This is a cheeseburger family.
- We love the bergs.
Bread, meat, cheese, bread, meat.
- Cheese, you can't stop on meat.
- George and I built Easy As Pie together
and he loved that company.
Can we please just bury him in peace?
- I don't think so, Ho.
(crowd screaming)
- [Man] Is that a bomb?
- No, it's a smoke bomb,
come on, let's go.
Let's wheel this sucker out of here.
- No way.
I'm not touching that deadass dude box.
- What are we gonna do?
We're gonna switch the body to Aunt Patty's house
and feed him to her raccoons and some bobcats?
- No way.
- Oh, I bet you got a better idea.
- Damn right, Gramps was a paratrooper
so we're gonna cremate his body
in a bonfire and scatter his ashes from the sky,
just like he always wanted.
- I knew you'd have a good idea.
- I didn't.
- Me either.
- Okay, guys, I know you have been getting a little bored
with the products that we have been selling.
So today is very exciting
'cause we are going to start selling a new product.
- Well, that's the thing though is
I don't sell products, I sell like vibes.
And right now the only vibe I'm catching
is that you are looking good, girl.
- Down, boy.
- Now I could read off of some boring,
old product info pamphlet,
but I thought it would be a lot more fun
if we brought in the inventor of the product himself.
So put your hands together for Fireman Ted.
(crowd clapping)
- Thank you, thank you.
Thank you, Ms. Murphy.
- Well, thank you Fireman Ted.
- Thank all of you for your time.
Let's just say that one night,
you're out with your best friends and extended family
enjoying a couple of platters of Johnsonville Brats,
when suddenly you smell heavy smoke.
And you turn around only to find that you are all trapped
by a raging fire.
Blinded by the smoke, you call out to your buddies,
"Hey buddies, where are you?
Where are you?"
But they can't hear you because of the war
of the raging fire.
And they cannot respond because of the noxious smoke
(Alice coughing) that is searing their lungs.
And then they die, and I'm talking crispy critter dead.
And you spend the rest of your life
just wishing there was something you could have
done to prevent that horror.
The smoke cutter, a safety whistle
with a built in air filter
which allows its user to breathe smoke free,
while simultaneously emitting a very distinct whistle.
(Ted blowing whistle)
- Do you think you're on "Shark Tank" right now?
- For that reason I'm out.
- I don't care what you people think,
we are selling these smoke cutters and that is final.
- You really think there's any good reason
we're gonna sell anything made by this dork?
- Because this dork is my dad.
(Ted blowing whistle)
- Hi, here to see George DeMamp.
He's my grandfather.
If he's dead, I'm okay with that.
- You act like you wouldn't care
but you would, you would cry.
Sign in, please.
- Whoa, check it out, guys.
This dudes throws knives into cats?
- That's a gun and a coyote, you can tell from the snout.
- Oh. - But yeah,
this is my day job.
My real passion is animal control.
My little line is, the animals in here are way worse
than the coyotes out there.
(man laughs) (man speaks indistinctly)
- That's clever, it's funny. - Thank you.
- It's not clever, it sure as hell isn't a good joke.
The people that walk these halls built this country, okay?
- It's my little line.
- All right, which room is my dumb,
stupid, fat, ugly grandpa in?
- 35 bucks for what?
Oh, plugs into the car, that's cool.
- You going camping there, Paul Bunyan?
- No, me and my buddies are going to follow a concert tour,
so we're just gonna like be camping out.
- That sounds fun.
- Yeah, it should be.
I'm not really a great outdoors guy though.
You know, unless there's a bald-headed bear.
- Yeah. - From the movie, um...
- What movie is that?
It's "The Great Outdoors."
What are you doing?
- Shh. - I don't think we should...
Are you pregnant?
- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
It's not for you to know what's inside this belly.
- You're squeezing so hard.
- You like that? - I like it.
- Oh, look at that, someone's up.
- Oh, yeah. - Someone's up.
- I'm up. - Morning.
- I'm up and (indistinct).
- Don't do that with your face, don't do that.
I don't like that, that's better.
- Oh, God, all right.
All right, all right.
(Paul grunting)
(both screaming)
(camera clicking) (woman laughs)
- Wait, did you just get a picture of me?
- Thank you.
- Who are you? (woman laughs)
- Don't you need some help there, my friend?
- What, no, no.
I'm all right, I'm just getting some pants.
- How about a larger size?
- No, I think they're good.
So wear 'em out, (laughs) good day.
- Huh? - No.
- Pretty cool. - [Buckley] No, no, no, no.
- Come on, I wanna show you something.
Come on, Jesus, are you kidding me, come on.
- Guys, I'm sorry, but you can't be in here.
We've got rehearsal in about five minutes.
- And I need but four, okay?
This is Mr. Buckley, Rancho Cucamonga acting legend.
Have you heard of him?
- No.
- Well, we would like to perform a scene from his play
which I'm sure you've heard of, MacBreath.
- Fine. - Excellent (laughs).
- Well, what are you doing?
- All right, everybody.
I will be playing the role of Angela,
and he shall be playing the role of MacBreath, our hero.
Our scene starts in a crowded bus, Angela enters.
Excuse me, pardon me.
- Blake, I can't do this.
- Oh, excuse me, pardon me.
- I can't do this without drugs.
- Excuse me, excuse me.
(soft music)
- Here, take my seat.
- Oh, you are too kind, I'm Angela.
- I'm Leonard, Angela,
but everyone calls me MacBreath.
- MacBreath?
- In seventh grade, we played spin the bottle
and it landed on Jen De Angelo.
We kissed and then she told me
my breath smelled like McDonald's cheeseburgers.
Then she got everyone to chant,
MacBreath, MacBreath, MacBreath.
I curse you, Jen De Angelo.
I curse you with all the venom of my heart.
I hate you, I hate you.
I hate you.
(chair clanking)
- Well, I like cheeseburgers
and I think the name MacBreath is cool.
- You do?
- Let me smell your breath, MacBreath.
- If you must.
(Buckley exhales loudly)
- Mh, I'm loving it.
- Wait, so make MacBreath
isn't even like a takeoff on McBeth?
- It's an original piece,
not everything has to be a remake.
- Oh, here we go.
(soft music) - Limo?
- [Man] It's like president or something?
- This is cool.
- Yo, is that Mark McGrath? - What's up, boys?
(indistinct)
- Sugar Ray just said what's up to us.
- Does he work here? - That is Sugar Ray.
That is Sugar Ray.
- Who is she?
Oh, yummy, yummy, my pee-pee is pointing at my tummy, tummy.
- Go on and get it, boy! - Oh, oh.
- [DeMamp] Oh, my gosh.
- Listen, listen, listen,
last night was like physical, right?
But it was also spiritual, did you feel that?
- Yeah, man, it was all right.
- Excuse me, did you just kiss Sugar Ray?
- I did a lot more than that.
Let's just say McGrath likes to Mc-munch.
(all laughing)
- She got snapped.
She got snapped. - Oh, yeah, yeah.
- I'll never forget you, Alice Murphy, not never, ever.
(crowd chattering)
- Ah, breakfast booze, my favorite.
So your whole office is a sauna?
- That's right.
Nothing better than sitting in a spa for seven,
eight hours a day, good for the skin.
- And the strippers have been here all night?
- Absolutely, oxygenates their vaginas.
They love it.
- Sure.
- Hey, how are you, it's nice in here.
- I've been watching you very closely this week.
- I've wanted you to stare at me.
- And I am very impressed with what I see.
And we were wondering
if you would like to join us full time at TAC-Van Nuys.
- [All] Yes, yes.
- We would, thank you so much.
- This is cool. - Up top.
- Oh, man, awesome.
There are a couple of minor details
that we would like to discuss with you.
- Sure. - Yeah.
- Alone (snaps fingers).
- And the girls have to leave because of this matter?
- Yes, disappear like your father's
- Look at her butt.
- Cool, that's awesome.
- What's the butt's rule?
- They do, they rock.
- Honestly, JP, you were such a great leader,
I would run through a brick wall for you,
which I've actually done before on my parents' basement.
- Okay, sh, just listen.
- Cushing, shut the (beep) up and you just listen.
You just listen.
- You just listen, Cushing, bitch.
- I'm sure you may have heard
that we are taking over the San Bernardino
and Diamond Bar branches from TAC.
- Yeah, yeah, I think I've read about that.
- I've heard about it.
What does that mean business wise?
- It means that staff is axed,
and corporate sends us their business.
(all laughing)
- And that's fun
because like they don't have jobs anymore, right?
- My next target is Rancho,
and I cannot wait to see the look on my ex-wife's face
when I take her down.
- You were married to Alice?
- Worst nine weeks of my entire life.
I mean, we were a sport (beeping)
for a while there because that bitch likes to ride the ride.
- Yep.
- I always thought that.
- What I need is for you to go back there
and steal me the presentation
from Alice before the big meeting today.
(tense music)
She's a pretty good writer for a chick.
If she bombs it and I look great,
take over inevitable.
- Yeah, we're your guys.
- Yeah, we can do that.
- Because if you do not do that, you are fired.
- Yeah.
- Duh (laughs).
- I think my stripper fainted.
- No, no, no, no, no, not again.
- You've never had anyone die here before, right?
- No.
- That means yes. - That means yes.
- Listen up, you crush it, 200 sales.
(crowd chattering)
- Whoo.
Yeah, that's right, man.
- Van Nuys, so here's the biggest surprise,
I want 200 more sales by eight o'clock tonight.
- What, is he serious, dude?
I'm like exhausted, now he wants us to work late?
- If you wanna go home,
and you wanna rip farts and watch "The Dome",
the door is right there.
But if you wanna be a phone beast,
and you wanna be rewarded, that's right, rewarded,
we're gonna have Botox shots flying around the office
as well as sushi strippers for all you boys and girls.
(crowd cheering)
(all cheering) - Wow!
- It's like "Showdown in Little Tokyo,
- Yes, yes.
- If you guys get to 200 sales, 400 total for tonight
you get to whiz the juice with the whiz man himself.
(man shouting)
- Hello, TAC.
- Van Nuys, guys, who's ready to mother (beep)party.
(crowd cheering)
- Me, I am Pauly.
- Me and Paul were old friends and he lost a bet.
(man laughing)
- This makes us even, JP, you's son of a bitch.
- Yep.
- Well, if you guys start working the phones
and you start making those sales, guess what?
(clapping hands) I'll get you on TMZ tonight.
(crowd cheering)
(all shouting)
Wish I would've had some beers in here,
or maybe that sake bombs or something,
some of that sushi, man,
or one of those hot, little stripper bitches.
(upbeat music)
♪ I'm fresh ♪
♪ You gotta ♪
♪ You gotta you gotta ♪
♪ You gotta be fresh ♪