(soft twinkling music)
- [Narrator] Webster eyes a table of sweet toys.
Katherine warns she brought them from work for testing,
as they've all received consumer complaints
and may be dangerous.
George found a chemistry set;
He used to love these shits!
A customer said it's boring; George says,
"Of course it's boring when you follow lame instructions!"
George used to make all kinds of secret menu explosives.
One time, he tied a rocket to his brother
and launched him on the roof
Webster thinks this amateur terrorism
sounds like it rocks major sack.
It's too dangerous for Webster to play with alone,
but they can all be science dorks tomorrow!
They sent him to bed so they can bone.
- Play one of these board games!
- Oh, I dunno darling, they're so dull.
- How about if I'm the board?
- I'll get the dice.
- [Narrator] Okay, I guess that's what
he calls his balls;
Certainly peculiar!
Webster makes his move
Yoinked!
This bear is heading to space,
or at least his upstairs neighbor.
But playing with fire is just too dang fun
and little Nye wakes up the adults
He stashes the smoldering evidence in the closet
the perfect crime.
- Tomorrow, I'm putting a bear in space!
- [Narrator] Eh, I wouldn't count on it.
Webster wakes up in a Willie Nelson tour bus simulation.
Let's check that experiment
Ah, yes, this supports the hypothesis that fire is hot.
This glass of water should do the trick!
Smokin' Hawking decides he likes his bear after all,
then calls for help from his blazing bedroom.
Jesus Christ!
You wash your sweaters with gasoline?!
Webster tells the fire department
to bring their biggest cup of water.
- What are you doing Katherine?!
- I'm getting my cookbooks, I don't wanna lose everything!
- [Narrator] Fucking seriously, Katherine?
- I'm scared, I don't wanna die!
- [Narrator] My personal mantra for inner peace.
They grab their most useless junk,
and hit the hallway to warn neighbors,
most of whom are receptive,
but one guy doesn't buy it
and returns to his certainly purchased threesome.
Webster forgot his box of mementos
with the photo of his dead parents!
- My mommy and daddy, I can't let them burn!
- [Narrator] Relax, kid, they can't die twice!
George risks his life for Webster's memento box,
then escapes this human barbecue.
The shell-shocked trio hides out
at Jerry's.
- I don't have a home.
- [Narrator] Webster knows all about that game,
he can give you pointers on finding a new one!
George wants to call a doctor,
to score drugs for his melted hand.
- My phone book burned...
- So did my fishing cap...
The one with the little bass bug and the red feather.
- [Narrator] Oh no, not the one with the red feather.
Webster, consumed with guilt,
doesn't want his mementos anymore.
Well, then what the shit was the point of all that, Webster?
Jerry encourages them to cheer up!
- I wish I was dead.
- [Narrator] Jerry might have to encourage a little harder.
The fire is extinguished, but the apartment's destroyed.
They're investigating the fire source
Might have something to do
with the beakers they found in the closet.
George and Katherine bicker over who's to blame.
Katherine brought the set through the door,
but George got Webster jacked up on homemade explosives.
Only one thing is for sure.
It's all Webster's fault!
Webster's cue to dip.
Jerry puts things in much needed perspective
They're alive!
and they don't have to spend tomorrow
doing a boring chemistry kit.
Now let Webster confess
Where is he?
Neil deGrasse Arson is in a museum of his fuck uppery,
but hey,
he found that fishing cap,
and a spatula!
What do you say, guys, cool beans?
These beans are pretty far from cool!
What do you have to say for yourself?
- Bears in space...
- [Narrator] What else do you have to say for yourself
we still got hot beans.
Webster admits he started the fire
playing with the forbidden chemistry set.
This angers George, as he specifically said,
"Don't do that!"
then Webster did it,
and they almost all died,
and now their shit is trashed.
Webster thought he couldn't get hurt
playing with safety matches,
because kids
are morons.
- He doesn't love me anymore...
- [Narrator] Katherine lies and says
they both still love him, then tells a story
about a little girl who once dropped a match
down an elevator shaft
that match started a fire
that caused massive damage to the building,
and that girl
was Katherine
Kinda saw that coming.
And nobody ever found out because she kept her mouth shut,
and it was a different time for forensics,
and that's how you commit arson,
Mr. Blabber Mouth Evidence Trail!
- (cries) I made a big mistake, and you did too!
- [Narrator] A big mistake?
That haircut's a big mistake
Y'all belong in jail!
The fam makes plans to move somewhere,
they'll figure it out,
season two just started,
and, more importantly, who cares.
- I guess we lost everything...
- [Narrator] Yup, you sure did!
So, what did we learn today?
Listen to your adoptive parents
about dangerous chemistry sets
Science rules,
but it's not worth dying in a fire.
Expensive bucket list sex,
that's another story.
And safety matches are not safe,
only a kid would think that,
kids are stupid.
And if your room is burning,
toss a cup of water.
It won't do anything, it's just funny,
and you could probably use a laugh.
And you can always replace stuff
but your family?
You can always replace them too,
just ask Webster!
See you next time on a very special episode!