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Hey little stinkers, and welcome back to the first and only...
channel on YouTube. Um, so last week
I was talking about how much it really grinds my gear when Hollywood tries to masquerade a stand-alone movie as the "sequel"
to an entirely unrelated movie where none of the cast is the same,
there's absolutely zero crossover amongst the crew, and even the plot has nothing to do with the first one.
It's a cheap marketing tactic that I find to be insulting to the viewer's intelligence, and I hate it.
Today is part two to that video, and so naturally we're going to be reacting to some weird-ass life hacks.
[Danny Gonzalez]: "What?! Oh, this is silly. Oh, that's so... that's strange, guys. Guys, this is just cringe."
[Drew]: Just kidding... of course. As much as I'm sure many of you would rather watch Danny react to weird life hacks than listen to me
complain about a movie that's 17 years old,
I have to finish what I started and tell you guys the insane story of how this came to be.
All right, and I guess I'll talk about this shit, too.
The first and most important thing to note with this movie is that it was never intended to be American Psycho 2.
They wrote and filmed like 90% of it as a completely different movie, and everyone involved was on board with that.
It was just gonna be a movie called "The Girl Who Wouldn't Die,"
it was gonna be about Mila Kunis being this sexy serial killer. She was kind of entering her prime as an actress,
this was gonna be like a different breakout role for her, you know, 'cause she was on "That 70's Show,"
she was on "Family Guy," but this was like, sort of her first big role like this
where it was a more serious character. So she was excited for it,
William Shatner is in this and he's actually pretty good. You can tell he was pretty passionate about the project.
I think a lot of the people involved were because it wasn't supposed to be this slap in the face to "American Psycho"
until some executive at Lionsgate had this epiphany, I guess,
this realization that was like "oh, oh wait a minute,
you know what this movie kind of reminds me of? That Christian Bale movie from a couple years ago,
'American Nut Job,' right? 'American Nut Job,' that's it,
with Christian Bale from the Batman -- well he hasn't done that yet -- guys, I know what we could do!
What if we change the intro scene, and then we throw in some narration throughout the movie
where we just mention the name Patrick Bateman, and then BOOM. Now, it's not just a dumb movie,
it's a sequel. Right guys?" And everyone involved is like, "Wait, what? No! Don't -- That's a terrible idea. We don't want that."
But of course the executives win, they have to re-edit shit, they film a couple extra scenes and then BOOM,
it's "American Psycho 2." A movie no one asked for.
[Movie Narrator]: "American Psycho continues."
So anyway, pretty much everyone involved in making it
is ashamed of how it came out,
the author of the original "American Psycho" book has denounced it as absolutely not canon to the story,
and I hate it. But why? Maybe that's a question you have. Why is it so bad?
To answer that question, I first need to explain why I love "American Psycho" so much.
[Patrick Bateman]: "So what's the topic of discussion?"
[Drew]: Most of the movie is just mocking a lifestyle that's so absurd.
You have all these rich people who all look the same, and dress the same, and talk the same,
and care about the same pointless things. It's all about image,
it's all about having the best watch and the best jacket.
And this is no more perfectly illustrated than in this scene with the business card:
[Van Patten]: "That's very cool Bateman, but that's nothing."
[Coworker]: "What's this?"
[Bryce]: "That is really nice."
[Van Patten]: "Eggshell with Romalian type. What do you think?"
[Bateman]: "Nice."
[Bryce]: "Jesus."
"That is really super. How did a nitwit like you get so tasteful?"
[Bateman Voiceover]: "I can't believe that Bryce prefers Van Patten's card to mine.
[Drew]: What's great about that scene too, and really the whole movie, is it's not just the subject matter,
it's not just the dialogue or the writing. It's the directing is so good, and the sound design is incredible in this movie.
[Bateman Voiceover]: "Look at that subtle off-white coloring."
"The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my god."
"It even has a watermark."
[Drew]: So that's a little bit of "American Psycho,"
let's watch the beginning of "American Psycho 2."
[Rachael Newman Voiceover]: "You know how some baby-sitters take you to the movies or
rollerblading in the park?
Mine brought me along on a date with a serial killer.
As soon as I was free, I got really pissed.
And it changed my life forever.
[Man Dramatically Yells]
I told no one of what had happened.
I silently vowed to devote my life to stopping other psycho killers.
I couldn't wait to grow up!"
[Drew]: Yeah, so in the first two minutes of the movie, Mila Kunis as a 12-year-old kills Patrick Bateman --
[Newman Voiceover]: "Patrick Bateman --"
[Drew]: -- and she's like (giggles).
[Newman Voiceover]: "I couldn't wait to grow up!"
[Drew]: (laughs) I killed him (laughs).
So if you're familiar with the first "American Psycho," right away
I think you recognize a problem with this is that it takes
a big poopy dump all over the first "American Psycho".
Because one of the things that's so good about the original movie
is that the ending, and really the whole movie, is open to interpretation.
It's not supposed to be a movie about this
perfect badass serial killer who's so good and he
perfectly plans everything out and executes it so he gets away with every crime,
'cause he's such a smooth criminal.
[Trailer Voiceover]: "He was the most notorious serial killer of his time."
[Drew}: That's not the point. To me, the excitement of "American Psycho" comes from
the possibility that any amount of what happened, happened inside his head.
But not to the extent that the things he did didn't happen,
just that the way he interpreted them happened differently from his own perspective.
So you could look at it as he is doing all these things,
but he's romanticizing the vision of it in his head, he thinks he's this movie-like character.
He's envisioning this perfect version of himself but that's not who he is.
That just speaks to his sociopathic and psychopathic tendencies,
that his own interpretation of his reality is warped.
So then cut back to "American Psycho 2" -- in the first two minutes of the movie, Patrick Bateman is dead.
It's accepted worldwide that he's just the "best serial killer ever".
[Newman Voiceover]: "He became an instant celebrity. An overnight sensation."
[Drew]: It shits all over the first movie in the first two minutes.
[Newman Voiceover]: "I knew we should have gone to the movies."
[Drew]: Unlike "American Psycho's" Patrick Bateman,
who Christian Bale portrays as having a lot of psychological intricacies,
Mila Kunis is just like, a cool spunky girl.
She's the type of girl who's gonna have one puff of a cigarette, and then throw it on the ground.
She's gonna catch a frisbee and then throw it behind her back like she's Dude Perfect.
And she's quick with a sarcastic remark.
[Movie Boys]: "You can do better than that."
[Newman]: "That's what your mama said."
[Drew]: Jesus Christ.
[Professor Starkman]: "I have here the official application form
for the teacher's assistant position for next year."
[Newman]: "This is my golden ticket to Quantico."
[Drew]: Her master plan in this movie is if she just kills every other student
who she thinks is, uh, has a good chance of getting the TA position, if she just kills all them,
then she'll get to be the TA.
So she kills this guy.
She kills this guy.
[Newman Voiceover]: "A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do."
[Drew]: And she kills this girl who's sleeping with the teacher.
But then the teacher finds the girl that he's been sleeping with dead,
and so he quits because he's pretty sad.
Then they announce there's not gonna be a TA position,
so she's like "dammit," and so she kills the teacher,
and she kills the security guard who's just trying to do his job,
but the whole movie we're supposed to root for her, you know, she's murdering all these other innocent students
but we're supposed to root for her because she's sarcastic.
[Newman Voiceover]: "Yup, I just killed Brian."
[Drew]: To showcase how crazy she is,
most of the second half of this movie is just Mila Kunis
making jokes to the people she's killed.
[Newman]: "Bobby, now I told you to get your beauty sleep."
[Drew]: What are you doing Mila? You can't talk to him, he's dead.
The ending to this movie is absolutely hilarious.
Keep in mind, everything I'm about to show you is just like the last three minutes.
So first, after this long-ass chase scene where the police are chasing her and then she stops,
and then they go to her, but she drives away and they chase her some more,
her car explodes.
You're like, "Oh wow, she's dead.
Well I guess she shouldn't have killed all those people!"
But hold on, that was only the first twist, 'cause you idiot, she's not actually dead!
She's the world's greatest killer, you thought she was just gonna die?
No! Can't stop her.
[Newman Voiceover]: "It would be as if I've done nothing at all." (upbeat music)
[Drew]: That's the closing shot of the movie!
That's how the movie ends.
If this was a parody of the first one I'd be like, "Oh that's brilliant satire," but it's not.
It's - not only is it supposed to be taken seriously,
we're supposed to root for her. It's supposed to be like a happy ending.
Through the whole movie, she's just painted as like this quirky, sarcastic weird girl,
who killed eight people.
But she's just kind of a goof.
If you want some good cringe, watch this entire garbage-ass movie like I did,
and then just indulge in this beautiful scene near the end
where the shrink who writes a book about her,
'cause he thinks she's dead,
listen to the way he talks about her, "her brilliant mind."
[Shrink]: "I wish I had a chance to study her mind more.
All-in-all she killed eight people.
Eight people which we know of.
Rachael Newman is one in a billion."
[Drew]: "One in a billion."
[Shrink]: "She's in a league of her own."
[Drew]: Fuck off, this movie is so stupid.
[Shrink]: "One in a billion."
[Newman]: "That's what your mama said."
Real quick I just want to do one last side-by-side comparison between the two movies
just to show you how many creative liberties they took with "American Psycho 2."
[Bateman Voiceover]: "And though I can hide my cold gaze,
and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours,
and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable...
I simply am not there."
[Drew]: Ooh, I got goosebumps, that's some good shit. Let's see that closing shot again.
[Newman Voiceover]: "It would be as if I've done nothing at all." (upbeat music)
Alright, let's try to cleanse our palate of that, if we can,
by having some good old-fashioned laughs.
And who better to provide them for us than Larry the Cable Guy.
[Larry the Cable Guy]: "Git 'er done!"
[Drew]: First thing I love about this movie is the plot.
Don't let this number 2 on the box fool you, it's not a sequel. This is very much
just a remake of the first one, which is fine.
I think we're all curious to see how Larry jingles all the way,
but what's hilarious to me about this is the plot they've chosen to recycle
isn't even feasible anymore in 2014.
"Jingle All The Way 2" is about a dad competing with another dad
to buy the one Christmas present his daughter wants.
Larry's the dad,
the other guy is the new stepdad played by the janitor from "Zack and Cody,"
but the other dad is rich and he wants to win
so he buys all the Harrison talking bear dolls in the city,
and then the first dad, Larry, can't get it.
He can't get the toy.
Because...
It's sold out...
from all the toy stores... in his area.
So he can't get it. Hey, but you know what?
I'm willing to ignore that giant gaping plot hole,
which is that they chose to ignore the fact that the internet exists in the year 2014, that's fine.
It doesn't matter because this movie's a comedy.
All that matters is if they deliver on the laughs, and you bet your ass they do.
Big gag number one, Larry tries to impress everyone but use too much electricity.
He fall backwards very far, have smokey face.
Looks like that's 1 point for janitor dad.
Few minutes later, Larry accidentally becomes snowman.
Oh looks like janitor dad just bought the world's biggest tree.
Girl is gonna love that, 3-zip.
don't worry though guys, Larry's a thinker and he's got something else up his sleeve.
Or should I say up his shovel?
He grabs his friend, drives up north, I guess, to fill his van...
with snow.
Then he's gonna drive it all back down south to his family
so he can have a snowball fight with his daughter.
Sounds like a great plan, right?
To bring the snow back down south.
I wonder if it's gonna melt.
Big man hit by big splash.
So this movie's a whole lot of fun. If I did have one criticism with it, though,
I guess I just wish "first film movie and second film movie together, one low price, both are awesome film movie, 100%."
No, um, what I was gonna say is what these movies should have done --
they actually still could do this --
but they "need put DVD film movies together and blu-ray DVD for this holiday season. Thank you."
So anyway, that's "Jingle All The Way 2,"
I can't tell you what happens at the end 'cause I didn't finish it.
Well, that's all I really have to say,
so I think we can go ahead and close the DVD cover on "Jingle All The Way 2."
Are you happy now?
Cool well, I gotta finish this video. So unless there's anything else you need help with I'm gonna --
Oh yeah?
What do you need a website for?
Okay. Well I could show you how to use Squarespace.
Square...
Okay.
Squarespace.com/drew.
If you go here first you get 10% off, even though I assume...
I'm probably the one paying for this.
That's fine.
So there's a bunch of templates here you can choose from, they all look pretty good.
Lots of options. I think this one probably suits you. Yeah, that one looks good.
What do you want the domain to be?
Looks like tootfart.com is available. So I'm just gonna go with that one.
May I see your photos, please?
Wow, these are...
really good, Arnold.
Gonna be honest, when you said photography I didn't realize you just meant like
selfies from around my house.
Uh-huh, they're great.
Um, anyway from here it's pretty much just drag-and-drop
so I'll probably put that over there, put that one there, add a title.
Honestly, that's pretty much it. It's super simple.
If you need any more help, they have 24/7 customer support.
No, Squarespace customer support.
Do you have a cell phone?
Oh
I gotta get some new props.
Anyway, if any of you guys watching want to make your own "tootfart.com,"
be sure to go to Squarespace.com/drew and you'll get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
Big shout out to Squarespace,
thank you so much for sponsoring today's video.
Oh, yeah, no problem dude.
I mean it only took a couple minutes.
Yeah, I think it does.
But I'm done with this series now, so see you around buddy.
Thank you guys so much for watching, I hope you enjoyed my little series
that was originally gonna be one video
and then I said in the first one that it would be three videos and then
I decided it would be two videos,
'cause that's enough.
Remember to comment a like down in the subscription box below,
if you do so I will be receiving a Harrison the Talking Bear doll for Christmas,
and it will save my family from poverty.
Thank you so much and have a blessed Saturday night.
I don't think -- I don't know if I'm posting this on Saturday,
but, uh, whenever the next Saturday is,
I hope it's good, I hope you have a good, uh, night. Have a good Saturday night.
Live from New York, this video is over.