(audience laughs)
- Do I look fat?
(audience laughs)
- [Ross And Rachel] No.
- Okay, I accept that.
When Janice asked me and I said no,
she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
(audience laughs)
- Okay, walk us through it, honey, walk us through it.
(audience laughs)
- Okay, well, Janice said, "Hi, do I look fat today?"
And I, I looked at her--
- Oh. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You looked at her?
(audience laughs)
You never look.
- Mm-mm.
(audience laughs)
- You just answer, it's like a reflex.
Do I look fat? No!
(audience laughs)
Is she prettier than I am? No!
(audience laughs)
Does size matter?
- No!
- And it works both ways.
(audience laughs)
- Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
- You know, after about 30 or 40 fights,
you kinda catch on.
(audience laughs)
- Okay, for instance.
(clears throat)
Let's say Janice is coming back from a trip,
and she gives you two options.
Option number one, she'll take a cab home from the airport,
or option number two, you can meet her at baggage claim.
What do you do?
- That's easy, baggage claim.
(imitates buzzer)
- Wrong! Now you're single.
(audience laughs)
It's actually secret option number three,
you meet her at the gate.
That way she knows you love her.
- [Ross And Rachel] Mm.
- Okay, this is good, this is good.
All right, listen, I have one.
Janice likes to cuddle, at night.
- Oh.
- Which, you know I'm all for.
But you know when you wanna go to sleep,
you want some space.
So, uh, how do I tell her that without, you know,
accidentally calling her fat or something?
(audience laughs)
- Oh, honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there,
'cause we're cuddly sleepers.
- [Ross And Rachel] Mm.
- [Rachel] Okay, I'm late for work.
- [Ross] Oh.
- [Rachel] All right, are you guys gonna come down?
- Uh, yeah, yeah I'll, I'm right behind you.
- Okay, good luck, Chandler.
- [Chandler] Thank you, Rachel.
- [Ross] Bye, sweetie.
- Bye, hon.
- Mwah.
Okay, the sleeping thing.
(audience laughs)
Very tricky business, but there is something you can do.
- Well, I thought you guys were cuddly sleepers.
- No!
(audience laughs)
No, not cuddly, not me, just her.
I'm like you, I need the room.
(Ross clears throat)
Okay, come here.
(audience laughs)
Okay, you're in bed.
- Yeah.
(audience laughs)
- I'm gonna use the cushion.
- Yeah.
- All right.
Okay, you're in bed.
She's over on your side, cuddling.
Now you wait for her to drift off,
and then you hug her
and roll her over
to her side of the bed.
(audience laughs)
And then you
roll away.
(audience laughs)
Hug for her!
(audience laughs)
Roll for you.
(audience laughs)
- Okay, the old hug and roll.
- Yep.
- Okay, one question.
- Shoot.
- You're pretending the pillow's a girl, right?
(audience laughs)