Hey you! My name is Thomas 'TomSka' Ridgewell! -I'm Elliot Gough! -And I'm Eddie Bowley.
And welcome back to (all) Content! A show that used to be a symbol of friendship and now
is just ... I'm so alone. I'm so alone. Elliot: Oh... Hey you boys! Would you like to play
a game? - What kind of game, Tom? Is it one that we stole off another place?
Yes! It's Snake Oil! That we've seen Jenna Marbles play, and we are gonna do it... also. So the way
Snake Oil works is one player has to assign a randomly generated product to another player
with a randomly generated job. One player will be dishing out that product and that
person description, and the games begin! -Okay! So, I have just sent a job to Tom and I have
sent Elliot his product that he has to sell to Tom. - (Shouts) Well hello there! What are
you sir, you... sir... you... Person... There. How are you? How- What do you do for a job
please sir? - (Dark, gravelly voice) I am the Dark Knight, I'm Batman. - You are the Dark
Knight! The fabled Dark Knight, the Batman!
- It is me.
Are you actually the Batman? Or are you not allowed to say?
- I'm- No. I am the Batman, this is what Batman sounds like. (Laughs)
- When you're doing your various crimes-
- No wait! I don't do crimes! - (Eddie laughs) Crime solving!
- When you're solving your crimes, not committing them, you naughty
boy! (Laughs) Vigilante justice is actually totally legal. -When you, when you're tryna...
catcha the bad guy like Joker or the Penguin. - The Joker, where is he?! (Elliot laughs) -Where
is the Joker?? - Or maybe the, um, the fabled disco bandit!
- (Gasps) No!
- Have you ever needed a item
that would help you both capture the man, to entice them in but also... a nice little
snack? - Well yes, that sounds like a great idea. - Have I got something for you! (All laugh)
Elliot: It's a disco ball that's edible! - (Gasps) An edible disco ball! - It's a disco ball that's
sooo big that it will entice the disco strangler to come and get you! - I'm gonna google the
'disco strangler'! (All laughing) Using your bat google?!
- Using your bat google?!
- You mean the disco strangler
from Brooklyn 99? (Tom laughs) - I did take the disco strangler from Brooklyn 99.
I am Batman, I could just ... design this myself. - No! You're not much of a chef, are you Batman?
In your time around, you're not much of a chef. You catch a lot of crime! But you don't
make a lot of souffles, that's why you have a bloody, uh, Alfred about, innit?
- Uh, who's Alfred, I don't know that... That sounds like Bruce Wayne's ... uh, butler. Tom: I don't
know him. Sounds like a cool dude, though! Elliot: I mean, an assistant, Robin. Robin!
(Eddie laughs) So! When disco stranger shows up, drop the disco ball on him, it'll go on
his head like that and (inaudible struggling noise) And then he'll die!
- (Gruff voice) Batman doesn't kill! - Well, it depends where you're livin' doesn't it? It depends what
universe you're in. (Laughs) - (Gruff voice) What flavour? - Mint Ice cream.
- (Gruff voice) That's pretty good I do like that. - Batman's favorite ice cream flavour.
- (Gruff voice) How much? - How much for the... for one? Or do you wanna bulk buy and
save you some money? - (Gruff voice) Well what's the deal? (Laughs) - One for about... 20. But
you can get like 5 for like... We'll cut you a deal for like 75.
- (Gruff voice) That deals so good it's almost criminal! - Haha! Please don't arrest me.
- (Gruff voice) I don't arrest people... I just beat them up. - Oh yeah, it's true. (Laughs) You just
injure them until the police arrive. - (Gruff voice) I do nothing to help rehabilitate them,
if anything I perpetuate the problem. That I could solve myself. As a billionaire.
- You're a WHAT?! - (Gruff voice) I mean- No I'm not! I'm not! You know what, you've got a deal
I'll take... I'll take 5 of them, deliver them to Bruce Wayne's house and I'll pick
them up from there. I don't live there. -I believe you! I ... I'm hush-hush.
- (Gruff voice) You're Hush?! Hush! - Elliot: (Yelling) NO! (Tom laughs) Boys you have your prompts. Hello
there, sir! It is me, the snailsman. The Snake Oil salesman. We've unionized and called ourselves
snailsmen. Who are you sir? What do you do? I am a dog!
- I am a dog!
- You- (Laughs) Hello good boy!
You sure are a handsome boy, aren't you? Do you ever find your food ... to be woefully
boring? And... Ultimately a terrible conversationalist? - I have often found my food doesn't talk back
to me. Yes. Absolutely! And if you had to say you had a favourite food, what would that
be? - Uhhh... It would be vomit!
- You are correct! It IS a banana! Do you ever feel like, uh,
as a dog - who has been domesticated - you do not simply get enough animistic blood sport
in your life? You have been no longer allowed to be a hunter, merely provided food. Well
what if the food that you ate gave you the sense that you were fucking killing it? - Ahhh,
yes! See, like, I like to bork at my neighbours so... The idea of being able to actually kill
something and be allowed to. That sounds great. - Well then, boy do I have something for you!
That's right! It is my banana that is loud! It is seventeen pence, I believe that is the
average price of a banana at Tesco. - Wow, you haven't inflated the market at all! This new
invention is exactly the same as a normal banana! - Speaking as a dog, I am definitely
sold on the idea of being able to just ... fucking go for something. So, yeah. I was planning
to get like next door's baby child but like, this banana will do in a pinch! - Oh, good!
Well, we're saving lives, here at loud bananas incorporated. Do you have 17p to buy my loud
banana? - I do not, no. I am a dog. I would be happy to lick your testicles, for a bit
of peanut butter? - We have a deal! (All laugh) I've given you two boys the job and the item...
thing. You go, girl! - Are you Eddie? - I can be if you want to be.
- No, uh, I need you to confirm. Are you Eddie? - Uh, yes. My name is Eddie, how can I help you? - Okay great, where
are we going mate? - What seems to be the problem sir? - Mate, you called me. I'm an Uber driver.
Eddie: Ohhh! (Elliot laughs) Course. This Uber job, it must be quite grinding. You're
just driving around, quite mindlessly, you know! Like, it must be so mentally tiring.
You need- You need stimulus in your life. But you can't stop driving, of course! You'd
either cause an accident, of course, or you might, you know, run into someone- that would
just be reckless. So you need excitement that you could hold in the palm of your hand.
- Sir, are you um... Are you sexually propositioning me? Right now? Is that what's...? - (Laughs)
Cuz if so, I think I'm gonna have to cancel this ride. - Oh! No, nononono, sorry! You misunderstand
me, I'm talking about a rubber band.
- Oooh!
- With this rubber band ... it generates adrenaline!
And with this it'll keep you going through those long nights, you know? Through those
midnight hours, driving drunk people home, y'know, you could just be having the time
of your life to burn through that night and earn so much money in the process! It's a
win-win. - What's the science behind this? Cuz I don't want to just buy a regular rubber
band that you are insisting is interesting. - Tell you what? Lemme just, uh, lemme just
talk to my assistant who is sitting in the seat next to me, erm would you like to explain
the science behind it? It's covered in meth!
- It's covered in meth!
(All laugh) Tom: Ahhh! Ahh! Right. Hmmm.
- There you go! I couldn't of said it better myself. - I'm a doctor! (Laughs) - So just to clarify,
you're just... You're trying to sell me meth. How much? - Well, how much is this Uber ride
home? - We haven't left. - (Laughs) - I picked you up from your house, I assume.
- How bout you just... give me this Uber ride, free of charge. And we call it square? - If it gets you out
of my car, certainly lets end trip here. Yep. That cost 1 pence, uh, please give me my rubber
band and get the fuck out of my vehicle. (Eddie laughs) (Over-exaggerated lip smacking)
And... scene.
(Yelling) You there! What year is it?! (Laughs)
(All laugh) - Why, sir, it's the year
2020! - (Yells) 2020?! Oh no! I'm late! - I don't know what you were trying to achieve but I
feel like ... it could've, you could've done a better job. - Yes, I was trying to stop the
pandemic. What have you got going on in your life, what tell me about yourself?! (Laughs)
- Well, sir. - I'm going to sit down! - (Laughs) Well, sir, I'm actually a taxi driver. So,
uh, I'm a taxi driver and salesman. - Take me to your leader! - Uhm. Oh, God, well he's in
hospital at the moment. You really fucked this one up. Uhm, I bet you feel pretty stupid
right? - Yes. I'm stupid for a guy who invented time travel. (Laughs) - I bet you feel like
a big failure! A right moron. - I do, I'm so... I can't believe you're going this hard on
me (Eddie laughs) a person who just traveled back through time! - I bet you feel absolutely
ashamed. Elliot: This is going on a bit heavy, I don't know why you're really bullying me.
(Eddie and Tom laugh) I bet you wanna cry like a little baby bitch, don't you? Y'know
what I don't think I want to get in this Uber. (Imitates a clicking noise) Too bad! The doors
are locked. - No! - I bet you wanna sit there and weep like the failure you are!
- I could do a cry because in the future it's okay for men to cry, and it's a normal thing. (Fake
crying) Uh-hu-hu-hu-hu. - Haha! Yes that's right, because you are... because I'm here to sell
you a taxi that makes you cry! I have been the taxi the whole time. (Eddie laughs)
Elliot: Oh, nooooo! - I am actually a transformer. - What?! - That will be a 5 pounds, please!
- I have to take this very rare opportunity to ask, did you feel him go inside you? - Oh-hoo. Yes, and
he made me very wet with all of his tears. Elliot: Is that it? It's just a taxi that
makes you cry?! Tom: Yes. And I've already finished it. (All laugh) Elliot: Wooow! - Pay
me. - You can have the- you can have the time-travel implement. - Thank you. Oh, no! It's invisible!
(Laughs) Yes, it's invisible in mortal human's hands. - Mortal?! - Oh! - We achieved long life
in the future, it's hell! (Laughs) (All laugh) Eddie! I have given you a job, and Elliot
I have given you a product to sell to Eddie. - (Exasperated) Oh, boy. - (Laughs) - You alright mate, you
have time? - (New York-Italian drawl) Ey, what you doin' , what you talkin' about eh? - What time
is it? - (NY Italian drawl) What you talkin' bout, who is this guy? What's this guy talking about, eh, eh?!
Whatchu want?! Elliot: (Yelling) You can't be combative in this situation! (All laugh)
Eddie: Ey! - Alright mate, alright I'm done. See you later! - (NY Italian drawl) Listen to
me, alright? I'm a fuckin' gangster. I'm the number one gangster in this 'ole town. So,
I ain't got time for you. - What kinda food do you like? What kind of- what's your favourite
food? What we talkin'? - (Gangster drawl) I'm partial to a bit of a italian. - You know what
you need in that italian? Kind of a key sauce in a lot of italian foods? Tomatoes. Well,
have I got something for you - I've got a vegetable garden that you wear on your head.
You can have bloody tomatoes going off your head all the time! - (Gangster drawl) Lemme
get this straight, you want me to wear a bush on my fuckin' head?! - Mate you've already got
a bush on your head, why not make it edible? - (Gangster drawl) Whatdya say about that? Whatcha
tryna say? - I'm saying that you've got a big... bushy head. (Laughs) - (Gangster drawl) Ey,
boss! It's me! Another gangster. I am now in the scene. I'm makin' an order for lunch,
whaddya whaddya havin'? - (Gangster drawl) Well you know what, I was gunna have some of my,
y'know, classic italian food. But then this prick comes around tryna sell me a fuckin'
bush! - Ah, yes 'classic italian food' (Laughs) - (Gangster drawl) Awh, boss, I gots some bad
news for you all the way from up top in Mamas kitchen, eh! We run outta vegetables!
- (Gangster drawl) Mama-mia! Whadda we gonna do?! - (Yelling) I got something for the BOTH
of ya! I'm now Italian! I can't do the Italian accent! - (Gangster drawl) Ey, look
at this guy doin' an impression of us! (Laughs) - (Gangster drawl) Who's this fuckin'
guy, eh?! (Laughing) Who's this fuckin' guy! (Yelling and failing to do the italian gangster
accent) I got a vegetable garden for ya head! - (Gangster drawl) A vegetable garden for my
head?! How- wha? Holy shit! - (Gangster drawl) Talk me through how this product werks? Okay?
Tell me how this works, cuz I mean, don't plants gotta go in the ground?! What good
is gonna be on my fuckin' head, eh?
- (Bad imitation of Tom and Eddie's accents) Well it's gonna be a lil garden! It's got soil and everything! When you get a shower it waters it!
- (Gangster drawl) Are you imitatin' my fuckin' accent?! - (Yelling) I'm not- I'm Italian now! - (All laugh)
(Gangster drawl) Alright, so we're all Italian now! Good! Now, tell me about this fuckin'
product! - It's got tomatas!! (Laughs) - (Gangster drawl) Yeah I want tomatas! - (Yelling) Mushrooms!
(Gangster drawl) Holy shit, boss, mushrooms! You know I love me some mushrooms on my italian
pizza! - (Gangster drawl) Is this thing like a hat, like a thing growin' outta a hat? - Yeah!
You know trilbys? Get rid of 'em! Those Italian trilby's? Get rid of 'em.
-(Gangster drawl) Get rid of triblys?! What are you, crazy?! - (Gangster drawl) I dunno, man, I'm pretty
attached to my trilby! - Well I can put it on top of it! It's got a lil dip on top! Put
some soil in there, put a little plant in there- got a tomato growing out of the top
of your head! - (Gangster drawl) It's just dirt! You wanna put dirt on my head?! - I'm stealing
it from my neighbours garden and putting it on the hat! - (Gangster drawl) Ah! Crime! Now,
that I'm- I'm with you now. I'm with you on the crime. - I like c-crime!
- (Gangster drawl) I must admit I'm a little bit partial to a bit of crime. Maybe a cheeky tomato or two.
- (Yelling) Well have I got somethin' for you, sir! (Elliot and Eddie laugh) Tom: Oh, woah!
Eddie: Eeyyyy! Tom: This guy's got somethin' for me! (Laughs) Eddie: Badda-bing-badda-boom!
(Gangster drawl) Okay, boss, we gonna kill this guy or what? - (Gangster drawl) Unless he's gonna
make me another offer - that I can't refuse. What else does this garden come with?
- Uuuuh.... Uhhhhh, SPAGHETTI! (Laughs)
Eddie: Holy fuck! Eddie: Spaghetti! Just like my mama used to
make! - (Gangster drawl) Holy shit you tellin' me this garden grows spaghetti trees? This
is the greatest garden of my life. - (Gangster drawl) You speak-a my language now there,
boy. Alrighty, you got yourself a deal. - (Gangster drawl) No, boss, we don't know even how much
it costs! - (Yelling) No! Please! Let this bit end! (All laugh)
- Okay, we'll kill you now. Bye-bye! - Bye-bye!(Eddie laughs) [Gunshot] Tom: Fucking hell.
(Muffled crashing) Elliot:Oh, fuck! - Well that was the video. -That was actually a video! And you know what that is?
That's, uh, some other videos. And that's some fanart that we like this week. When will
the next one come out? That's right, Elliot, it will come out on Tuesday! So we will see
(drawn out burp) Elliot: See you next Tuesday! Eddie: See you then!