[Intro music]
So I did the one level, right, that was like two years ago
and then I did level two, there, chaoz fantasy, with a z, that's very important
and then I'll do level three, heaven, this year
so then if you wanna see phazd or phazed, I'll do like one a year. That's like my yearly game.
I can't fucking beat a level so I just play it for five minutes
and then I'm like "well, you know next year I'll try the next level
and then next year I'll have no levels left so then after next year I'll never have to fucking play it again.
And then it's gonna make like twelve more fucking levels.
some kinda like techno beat here.
I'm gonna try to not do the practice mode as usual.
That.. All right, that one last very long.
Maybe like not playing this game for a long period of time will make you better at it.
Oh, shit shit shit shit shit
Oooh, dubstep.
OH, suck my wee-wee!
You FUCKING FUCK! FUCK.
God, and then you just get back so far.
You go back so fucking far!
All the way to the beginning actually, is how far.
Fuck.
Jump, jump, jump, jump, fall, jump, OH shit, SHIT!
Fucking god damn! Ah. Fuck.
Can I use this game in some way to judge my life? Here I am, two and a half years later
I'm still playing the same god damn shit. What have I been doing?
I haven't moved on from the God damn impossible game yet. When will it be over?
Why does it have to be so long? It's so God damn easy for so long.
It just takes fucking for-.. Just start me on the black screen.
Wow I already fucked myself. I fucked myself.
FUCK!
Come on.. You fucking bitch. You motherfucker.
FUCK, WHY'D YOU JUMP RIGHT INTO IT?
God damn it, you nudged it. You didn't even hit the fucking spiky part. Will you just roll over the God damn side.
Also, you're a fucking square! Not even a circle.
Why am I poppin? I'm like a fucking square Wendy's burger.
If I was falling like on top of a grill, yes, I would be dead.
I turned around. I looked behind me for a second and I don't know why.
'Cause i fell INTO A FUCKING PIT!
FUCK!!
I go to 20 attempts and then I'm just gonna fucking put a checkpoint like when the screen turns black.
'Cause I'll be doing this fucking shit for GOD DAMN EVER!
Ooh shit I'm gonna die right now, I'm gonna die right now. I can feel it in my bones.
FUCKING FUCK MY DEAD BONES!
You know the attempts say like 21 but really, like in my impossible game lifetime career,
it's like 21 thousand. That 20 means NOTHING to me.
I'm always at the anger of a thousand fucking deaths at all times.
The shitty music and checkpoint and shitty music.
And I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna - no I'm fine. I'm fine.
NO, I'M GONNA DIE! I'M NOT FINE. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. OH SHIT I gotta not - OH FUCK!
Oh my God. Fuck you.
Over that. Oh, fall, jump, jump, jump, fall, jump, jump, jump, fall.. fucking FUCK!
You're a fucking bitch, jumped into my fucking death, I don't know - God damn it.
There we go, there we go, there we go, there we go, keep jumping you fuck
YOU MOTHER FUCKER!
Blocks be fallin' and shit, spikes be fucking stayin' still
AS USUAL.
Tease it, tease it, tease it! OH FUCK, WHY DID YOU JUMP?
FUCK YOU, YOU DUMBASS THUMB!
Oh, oh, I'm on the edge, I'm on the edge, oh it's up my ass.
It's like three triple spikes in a row. I hate 'em.
They suck fat wangs!
Fucking fuck!
You fuck.
Why? What are you jumping for? WHAT ARE YOU JUMPING FOR DUDE?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'm gonna die. I'm scared. Jump, jump, jump, jump, OH NO, NOOO!
Why would you do that? And then I die in the first fucking jump.
So the music just stopped. It gave up on me. It's just silent. It's like "Oh fuck, are you still fucking playing this?
Fucking go home bitch". No, still.. still no music?
Can I get anything?
Any music? GUYS?
Can we, can we fucking flip the tape to side B?
Is there anyone in the booth?
HELLO?
I HAD THE DJ TILL 6!
Oh, there you go. Okay. It's like, hey, start over, and then we'll put the music back on. You fucking bitch.
said impossible game to me. And then I did it. 'Cause I'm a bitch.
There's no way to beat this without checkpoints! You gotta be a fucking mad man!
Fuck you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate everything about this fucking game
I hate it, OH SHIT! NOOO! WHY?
It's too much pressure. It's too much pressure. My heart. My heart can't take it. I'm gonna be dead.
Part 4, the dramatic ending, I die!
(mockingly imitates soundtrack vocals)
Fuck me, I deserve that.
Ooh, shit. Oh FUCK! FUUCK!
They just tricked ya. They trick you into jumping into it. And I hate myself for it in the end!
WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THIS MOTHERFUCKER I'M GONNA RIP HIM INTO TWO FUCKING RECTANGLES!
Why would you do it? Wha - NO! NO!
Should I just put one like every two fucking feet? Just like - I can't put 'em on these fucking platforms
I'll just - I can't even jump across when I start on the ground! GOD DAMN IT!
This checkpoint's fucking me. What'd checkpoints on these platforms do to me?
I would just fall to my death in half a fucking second.
You fuck, you motherfucker!! You slimy bitch!
Oooh no no no no no! No no no no!
FUCK! FUCK!!
There's nothing. Like I can't do a checkpoint until I hit the ground.
I can just not make it to the ground EVER!
I'm always - I'm always just.. Um.
[grunting, screaming]
Fuck it, I did it, I checkpointed, it's gonna fuck me but I did it anyway
FUCK!
Ooh shit. Oh jump over it. Great. Okay, well..
That was gonna fucking end great. GOD DAMN IT!
Get o.. no - get - no, NO! There.. GOD DAMN IT!
This is almost as good as my checkpoint in the last fucking video.
Mother FUCKER!
This is helpful. Like this is helping me. This is the game on easy, here let me give you a checkpoint.
so it will be EASIER for you! This is my hell. I'm just fucking killing myself o.. no - there we go. I'm dead.
No, dead.. yeah, yeah, no. Yeah, hmm.
I gotta get the hell outta here. I gotta get the fuck outta here. I can't, I CAN'T GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!
Man, checkpoint number seven, right, that was the best one. Like, Michael, which was your favourite checkpoint? It was seven!
SEVEN WAS THE BEST ONE! 'CAUSE IT WAS LUCKY!
IT WAS LUCKY NUMBER GO FUCK YOURSELF!
Can I make it hopefully? Will the game allow it? No, I don't think so.
And then jump, jump, jump. No.
God DAMN IT!
I'm like a fucked cracker. Look at me. Look at this shit.
Oh, oh fuck. I did it again. I did it again. Oops.
[screams]
Oh I made it, I made it. Oh I got it. I'm just mashing buttons, I'm mashing buttons [?]
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! So then the game fucked us again.
It was like oh yeah, make it far, fuck you, no music. You know, ride this bitch out in silence.
So from here on now I guess it's just gonna be the screams of my horrific deaths.
Alright, oh shit.
CHECKPOINT! Fuck it. Oooh crap.
It wasn't hard enough before like to even see the blocks and not be able to jump on them
Now I have to wait for them to fucking spawn?
Why are you jumping? Stop jumping on that block. NO, JUMP ON THAT BLOCK!
How would you do this? How would you even get to this point without checkpoints
Like, what the hell. How many fucking millions of tries would this take you?
What the hell is wrong with you? I can't do it. I can't - I can't beat this level abusing the shit out of checkpoints
Really, REALLY? There's like 17 in a row. There's like 17 triple fucking jumps in a row.
That's a quadruple spike. There's triple, triple, triple, triple, triple, FUCKING TRIPLES!
WHAT'S WITH THE FUCKING TRIPLES, JESUS CHRIST!
FUCK! FUUUCK!!
I got too close to the sun. This is it, I'm screwed.
Look, and now I'm just falling into it. I was jumping two seconds ago and now i can't even jump anymore.
What the fuck is happening? I'm fucked. I'm fucked. I can't do shit.
Look, you spawn and then you die, and then you spawn, jump, jump, and then you spawn,
jump, jump - MOTHER FUCKER!! You fucking bitch.
LOOK AT IT! THAT'S IT! IT'S OVER! SO.. TUNE IN NEXT YEAR
FOR WHEN I DON'T BEAT LEVEL FOUR.
[outro music]