(distant jazz music)
- Hi, my dog, a labradoodle, is outside, leashed up,
he's goin' crazy right now, real dog, um...
Could I get a venti Puppuccino for my dog?
- Sandra! - Sandra, lookin' good, girl!
How you doin'?
- The usual! - Yeah, you know,
gimme the large! - Yeah, the large!
- The large! - What's it called here again?
- Is it called the van, the grand...
Like that one- - Like Ariana Grande.
- Yeah, like that one pretty girl.
(purse slams)
- Oh my God, your parking lot is crazy out there.
You guys need to figure something out about that.
My daughter, she wants, um, a pink drink.
Is there alcohol in that?
- I need some coffee so bad. - I was like,
I was sitting in like Mr. Dergunson's last period
and I was just like, "Bro,
I need my coffee!" - I know.
- He's a, uh, Irish wolf husky, huge dog, 200 pounds,
vets are concerned.
He needs a big venti Puppuccino for him, a dog.
- This does, is this a large?
- Lemme...
- Sip it and maybe we can get some money if it's too hot.
- I need a Caffe "Lot,"
venti,
foam,
stir the foam in,
then whip, then stir the whip in, then caramel crumples,
stir the caramel crumples in, and this is hot by the way.
- I started drinking coffee since
like right out of the womb,
honestly. - Yeah.
Honestly, yeah, like my mom like gave it to me
like inside, internally.
- Put in 36 ice cubes.
36, I count, I can see you back there.
- No, he doesn't need water, he just needs a,
he, I just, I, literally just a venti Puppuccino.
- There's quite a line here.
We won't hold you up
too much longer. - Oh, no, we will.
- How, how, how's your mom?
- Oh, ho, ho, ho!
Thank you!
I don't, for me?!
They make this for dogs, it's a "Puppuccino,"
not a "Peopleccino," you know what I mean?
- Also, I like the way that those muffins in there look.
Can I get the one in the window?
Those are cute.
Can I get 12 of those little bitches?
- Can we get the strongest coffee-
- Yeah. - there is?
Like- - We want straight coal,
basically, in my body. - 10 shots of, um, ex-spresso.
We know what ex-spressos are. - Ex-spresso.
Like, ooh- - Like, it means "fast."
- It's, yeah...
- Okay now, hold on!
- Wait! - Hold on!
This is important! - I got you!
Wait one second!
- My 300-pound Australian pug is outside,
leashed up,
in the sun,
burning
to death
and he needs his whipped cream.
- What's the door code to the bathroom?
- You have to (bleeps)?! - Stop it!
- (laughs) Kirby has to (bleeps)!
- Shut up!
- What is that little slice thing with the frosting?
I'll get three of those mother (bleeps).
(Shayne breathing heavily)
- Okay.
I was almost about to give it to my dog
and I tripped and it spilled everywhere!
- Do you have a, um, like a slide projector
uh, where you could show us pictures of your mother?
- I'm sure she's beautiful just like her,
Sandra, Sandra's beautiful.
I can only imagine what her- - Sandra's beautiful!
mother looks like.
- Oh my God, you guys! - Whoa!
- You didn't wait for me
outside the library! - Oh my God!
- Aw, I'm sorry. - Hi!
Oh my God, you guys, did you order yet?
- No, this guy won't- - Do you think she's pretty?
- Ah!
How did this happen?!
It's 'cause I face planted on the sidewalk
when I spilled the Puppuccino!
There was whipped cream and blood everywhere!
- Okay, um, oh, hold on, what's my iCloud password?
- Everybody, close your eyes, close your eyes.
- Okay. - Close your eyes
and try to envision, uh, Sandra's mother.
- I'm sure she's a beautiful young lady.
- Young, indeed. - Yeah.
- And keep your eyes closed. - Okay, keep your eyes closed,
Sandra. (both mumbling)
- Can you ask them for the door code?
I have to (bleeps). - Yeah.
- She has to (bleeps) a lot.
She's had to (bleeps) for like three days.
- Can we get the ex-spresso shots-
- Ask for the door code! - in shot glasses?
- Ask for the door code! - You, stop bothering me
when you have diarrhea, Kaylee!
- My, my dog!
He's so scared!
He's so sad!
He hasn't had his whipped cream
and it's been so long and he needs his whipped cream.
My 500-pound
German wolfhound chihuahua!
- Oh, this is your holiday cup this year?
What does that say?
(yelling gibberish)
What happened to "merry holiday," huh?
I, I won't stand for this!
I need you to get me a cup, write "merry holiday" on there.
- I don't know how to- - No, how did we get these
in our hands? - I forgot!
I either got Alzheimer's or dementia!
I don't remember what I got!
- Kaylee, it's spelled
obviously the way that you would spell Kaylee normally.
- It's a really hard name to spell.
- You got a pen?
Okay, I'm gonna go real slow for you.
K-E-I-G-H-L-E-I-G-H-E-E-E-E. - Y.
- Oh,
good!
Good!
(Shayne breathing heavily)
Huh-aah!
You're not gonna believe what just happened!
- Thank you! Aw, and an exclamation point!
Trisha! That is so sweet.
Anyway, merry holiday to you.
(sniffs) You put 13 ice cubes in here, you little (bleeps).
- Sandra, would you mind cleaning our, our table
that we always sit at?
We're gonna be there for about five hours
today. - Five,
five, six, seven, eight,
nine. - We've got a lot of newspaper
to go through.
(all gasping)
(Courtney cheering) - Oh my God!
- This is so big-
- I love coffee! - I'm gonna have such
a sugar high!
I'm gonna get so crazy! - Oh my God, there's like-
- I just, it's the holiday season,
and you guys only serve Puppuccinos
this time of year, right?
- [Barista] It's all year round.
- You serve Puppuccinos year round?!
I had no idea!
- Oh, (bleeps)!
Oh!
Goddamn!
- Oh- - Oh, I slipped in all that-
- That's okay, I got- - You heard it and-
(Keith yelling) (Ian screams)
- Can you take my gum?
- No. - Can you take my trash?
- Can we, can we take a selfie?
- Oh my God!
Someone's stealing my bike!
(bleeps)
(Shayne's footsteps)
- Merry holiday to you.
I'm looking forward to my pastries.
Where do I wait?
Do I, I can stay here?
Can I wait here for my stuff? - Absolutely not.
- I just don't trust
that this is gonna be handled correctly.
- We're gonna get some money up in this bitch!
- Yeah!
(Keith groans) - Yeah.
- Oh, oh! - Get some power back in ya!
- Oh!
- Hold on, hold on. - Like, like, like...
Oh, wait.
(Courtney and Kimmy laugh) - Wait, can I look at it?!
Wait, can I look at it?
Can I look at it? - I wanna see,
we need to see.
- Oh my God! You suck!
Can you take another one?!
Can you take another one?
(cut off beep) - Yeah, actually,
I'm gonna need a refill on my coffee.
- [Barista] This is not a Cracker Barrel.
- I love Cracker Barrel!
- Did somebody say Cracker Barrel?!
- What?
- [Barista] This is not a Cracker Barrel.
- Huh?!
- [Barista] This is not a Cracker Barrel.
- [Both] What?!
- [Barista] We don't do refills!
- [Both] Okay!
- [Director] Cut!
(crew laughing) - Yes!
You called, bro, yes!
Give me a hug after that.
- [Olivia] Dude, that was so good.