It is so good to see you.
I know.
You have been in Australia.
The last time I talked to you, you were stuck in Australia.
You were shooting Nine Perfect Strangers.
Nine Perfect Strangers.
We went there.
And it was so beautiful, and we were
supposed to come back to LA.
And we were like, or we could stay in Byron Bay.
When like-- we were out in the country and surrounded by cows.
And we just stayed out there.
It's such beautiful country.
Dangerous, wildly dangerous.
I don't know if you know Australia,
but it's trying to kill you, like constantly.
Everything there can kill you.
Everything can.
It's like, that is such a beautiful bird.
It's like, oh, listen to the sounds of the birds.
And they are like, be careful, because if they mark your face,
they'll attack you forever.
And I was like--
and at first, I was like you guys are--
you're just telling me crazy stories.
And then one after one, people was like, yeah,
I had to move out of an apartment, because like--
What can of bird was it?
Not the magpie?
It's the Magpie.
Oh, really?
And they're like, when it gets your face--
like if it sees you and decides, I don't like Ellen,
12 years later it's like, Hello, Ellen.
Like it will remember you and come at you again.
Wow.
I didn't know that about magpies.
Yeah.
That's when-- and you got bit by something or other.
Nobody could tell me, and no one seemed alarmed by it.
My entire body, I had huge crazy hives.
My eyes swelled shut.
And I was like twitching because it had like
hit my nervous system.
And they're like, yeah, so-- oh, there she is!
That's attractive.
Wait, why were your hands wrapped?
So you couldn't itch?
So I couldn't itch, and it was all ice packs,
because I was itching so badly and I started
twitching with my nerves.
Did you have a bite somewhere?
Or just your body-- it just did that?
We never found it.
And the doctor was just kind of like, yeah, something got you.
And I was like--
but I-- and literally at the time,
my eyes were swollen shut.
The only thing I loved-- my top lip was gorgeous.
It literally was like three times the size.
And I'm like if I could just find whatever little bug it
was and just gently rub it on.
Everything else was a train wreck.
And like they seemed OK with it.
They're like, yeah, we'll get you an EpiPen.
It's fine.
Wow.
They were so calm.
And I was like, all right.
Well I am bedridden.
They're like, yeah, yeah.
That's Australia.
You made it out.
It was like, suck it up!
Yeah.
I'm glad you're back though.
After being in Australia for a year, which you didn't
plan on being there a year.
But obviously, someone was taking care of your dogs.
But what happened when you came--
I mean, they must have gone crazy without you.
It was so weird, because we tried every way
to work it to take our dogs with us.
I mean, they're like--
yeah, they were not happy for a while.
But you can't-- I get it.
It's an island.
They were like, we just can't have the threat.
Unless you're moving there, you really-- you
don't want to bring your animals there.
So my cousin, Jenna, stayed with them.
And I came home after a year.
And I was almost nervous because it had been so long.
And Harper, who's the bigger one, that's--
well, he's pretty.
I can give him that.
But he just kept going--
[IMITATES DOG BARKING]
He sounds like a dinosaur.
It's very jarring.
We know that he's happy.
But like if other people hear it, they're like, holy crap.
Like what's-- yeah, look at him.
He's like, I'm just handsome.
But he keeps making these crazy noises.
And then Betty, who's little and like
can't be bothered was like, oh, yeah, you're back.
And she immediately went upstairs into my closet
and peed on the rug.
And literally, I think she was like, yeah, how was Australia?
How's Australia?
And then she just walked out.
And I was like, you earned that one.
And it was a real like, hang on.
But come with me so you can watch.
Like it was a real-- like just a little doggy pop
came out and was like [IMITATES BUZZING SOUND]
But come on.
I mean.
Yeah, that's so sweet.
And I was asking you during the commercial break--
your tattoos are for a movie you're doing.
They're henna.
Ben wrote this show for next Netflix
called God's Favorite Idiot.
And I much-- but look at how neat they are.
I'm like, it's so much cooler than I'll ever be
when I'm like getting a coffee.
I'm like, oh, yeah.
Let me just use my tattooed fingers to get a card out.
But they're going to wear off in like six days,
and then I'm going to be bummed.
But it's these little stickers you put on, and they just--
I mean, come on, it's an ice cream cone and a dinosaur,
guys.
Oh, you have one on your neck too.
Yeah.
And how do your girls like that?
Do your daughters like that you have tattoos?
They love it.
I've always let them-- since they were really tiny,
I always just let them draw.
They can use Sharpies and just draw.
Like I used to draw all-- do art all up and down
their arms when they were like 18 months, which I found funny.
But they would literally look-- you know,
it would be like, ride or die or just crazy stuff.
So I'm always like, you can do whatever you want.
So I've given them like henna pens, so they can do whatever.
Vivie's really artistic and Georgie's really into anime.
So I'm like, maybe not on your face, because it takes a week
or so.
But I'm like, then again, it's been a rough couple of years.
Draw on your face--
Whatever you want to do.
How are-- how are they doing?
Because Georgie is the one that used
to have the theories about someone
breaking into the house, right?
Yeah.
It's less about that.
She's not so robber-obsessed now.
But she's super into anime.
And she's always like, so if I have the power to kill someone,
I would do it through my cloak.
And I'm like, all right.
OK.
And she's taking Japanese lessons.
She's like so into anime.
She'll just-- like she'll go upstairs,
and we're about to go to school, and she'll just comes down.
And there's like a full band of yellow.
And she's like, I'm ready for school.
And there's like elf ears.
I'm like, yeah, all right, you can--
I think they're always waiting for me
to be like, wait a minute.
And instead, I'm just like, yeah,
you want you want a neck tat?
I think I'm just--
I'm always like, do a little more.
And is Ben the same with you--
as you with them?
Yeah.
He's just always like, oh, that's great!
Like Georgie-- they stayed in Australia a few more weeks.
And then she called me, and we were FaceTiming.
She was like, my hair's blue.
And I was like, oh, cool.
And she was like, oh.
I think she thought she wanted me to be like,
this is outrageous.
I'm like, great, you can shave half of it off.
That's my theory.
If I just keep being like do more,
they'll get so bored with it that they'll--
Yeah, probably so.
I'm announcing my reverse psychology.
Yeah.
I think I just screwed myself.
You just did.
And you and Ben-- but y'all are so good together,
because you're both pretty much exactly the same.
Right?
Do you think?
Yes.
Yeah, maybe.
Yeah.
We're certainly similarly-- oh well.
[LAUGHTER]
That's just a Tuesday?
Or what's happening?
That's like Saturday at like 11:45 in the afternoon.
Uh huh, Uh huh.
We were getting ready for a group Zoom,
and we just thought, we've got wigs.
That's hilarious.
And the girls like--
it's different costumes all the time.
And like we walk past the girls.
And sometimes, it's like really bad old age makeup
or like some weird costume.
And there's just like, hey.
And I'm like, nothing?
I'm in like full--
I'm in like a full old--
I've done like high school theater makeup.
I'm wearing a gray wig.
I have a cane.
And Georgie, at one point, just said, at this point,
I don't know what you want me to say.
And I was like, fair enough.
And then Ben walks in.
He-- at one point, we both dressed as Miss Daisy
from Driving Miss Daisy.
And the girls were literally just like--
it didn't even register to them.
I'm like, is this damaging?
[LAUGHTER]
Oh.
I didn't know what to do.
That's hilarious.
You should at least notice it even if you don't like it.
Right.
They're just like--
What lucky girls, I mean, to grow up like that.
Let's hope.
That's Melissa McCarthy in The Starling.
And there's-- I was just asking if that cat was drugged.
Because he was holding that cat, and it was just so calm.
And then that huge Saint Bernard next to you.
Oh, that baby-- first of all, we did so many takes.
And I had--
I want to say I had to reloop that, but maybe I didn't.
That's a beast.
It's like a mid-size horse.
And at some point if I--
he would come eat at any time.
And it was like an old dog.
So it was like, I'm going to lay where I'm going to lay.
So it wasn't like, your mark's here.
So sometimes, he'd come too close, and when he breathed,
it was like [IMITATING HEAVY BREATHING]
And at first, I was like, is he OK?
And there's just like, yeah, it's a Saint Bernard.
His lungs are like this big.
But if he would come too close, and we're doing
this kind of delicate scene.
And if he came too close and got on my cushion--
I was like, I don't know.
I just miss my--
[LAUGHTER]
And he would be breathing.
And I was bouncing up, and Kevin's
like, this seems like a different show.
And we'd have to--
to get him to move back.
I mean, the dog is like bigger than the coffee table
and solid.
Well, you had a lot of obstacles in this,
because also there's a bird that's not really a bird
that you're talking--
well, first of all, tell everybody
what the movie is about.
It is a lovely--
Ted Melfi directed this.
It's a lovely movie it's about a couple that kind of goes
through an unimaginable loss.
And it's them kind of dealing with finding
their way through it, finding their way to the other side,
kind of tending to your own mental health and
what that means to different people.
And then the lovely thing is that the end of it,
it's really hopeful.
And it shows that you can get through it.
And you don't do it the way you expect.
I have a bird help me.
I have a vet help me with my therapy, which is Kevin Kline.
But it's Chris O'Dowd.
And I mean, it's funny.
it's heartbreaking.
It's sweet.
Yeah.
And then-- but the bird, you're not so nice to that bird
by the way.
I was mad at you at one point.
Me?
I just being attacked.
Well.
But there's a bird that's supposed to just be--
I'm trying to reclaim my plot of land, so to speak
and literally.
And then the birds like, get out.
It's mine.
And so it starts--
starlings do become very possessive
of their surroundings.
And it keeps attacking me in the front yard.
And I end up having these arguments.
Then I have like full blown talks with this bird.
But there's no bird there, because you can't make it just
sit there and talk to you.
So Ted Melfi would be like standing over at the monitor.
And the first time he-- by the way,
he didn't mention that he was going to do it.
So during this kind of like touching scene,
he's like [IMITATING BIRD WARBLING]
And I was like, what is going on?
And he's like, I'm the starling.
I was like, you can give a little heads up.
But then I kind of was like, can you do the starling again?
It kind of helps me.
So it was me and just Ted with his baseball hat on doing this.
But he had researched.
He goes, that's what starlings sounds like.
Yeah, they do kind of.
Yeah.
Hey, before we go to break, you--
New York Times just named you one of 25 actors--
the greatest actors of the 21st century.
[APPLAUSE]
I agree.
I think what most people don't know
is that if you look closely, my dad wrote that.
So I just-- I sent him a check.
And he was like, yeah, put Missy on the list.
Not true, not true at all.
No, really, you're just you're so brilliant in everything
you do, and so real.
And you're hilarious.
You're touching and real.
I totally agree.
Thanks.
Yeah.
We're going to take a break.
We're going to play a game.
The Starling is out on Netflix now.
And we'll come back with a game.