>> [ Singing ].
>> Batman!
>> Shut up!
>> Batman!
Come quick!
I just found this hilarious video on the Internets.
>> I will be right there.
>> I will be Spider-Man.
And you will be Dr. Octopus.
Go web!
Let's see how you get out of this one.
>> So you're telling me this stupid video got over 1 million views?
>> Well, I don't see you making any popular Internet videos, so I don't think you can talk.
>> Well, if I wanted to make one, it would be 1 million times better than this pile of crap.
>> Oh, yeah?
Prove it.
>> Okay, then, well I will.
Welcome to my show, where I teach you how to be a cool superhero like me.
In this video, I'm going to teach you how to fight crime while Alfred works the camera.
The first lesson is killing bad guys.
Okay, let's say that Robin here is a robber.
And he's got a bag full of 5 million stolen dollars or something.
So what I'm going to do is take my bat boomerang and throw it at his head.
This should kill or at least severely handicap the bad guy.
You ready, Robin?
>> Ready, Batman.
>> Here we go.
>> [ Screaming ] >> You're not supposed to jump out of the way, idiot.
>> Sorry, Batman.
It's kind of scary.
>> So we are going to try this again.
And this time, you are not going to move.
>> Okay, Batman.
>> Here we go.
Dammit, act like I hurt you.
>> But Batman, it didn't even hit me.
>> Just do it.
>> [ Screaming ] There's blood everywhere!
Oh!
>> Yeah, real great, Robin.
>> I'm choking on my own blood.
>> So let's just move on to the next lesson.
Lesson number two, saving a really hot girl using a zip line.
Let's just fake like there's a burning building behind me and Robin here is a damsel in distress.
What she's going to do is grab onto me and we are going to escape using this zipline.
Robin, grab onto me.
>> But Batman, that's kind of gay.
>> Robin, we are already wearing tights.
How could it get any gayer?
Grab onto me.
>> Okay.
Go, Batman!
The building is on fire!
>> Ow!
>> Maybe you should try pushing off a little harder.
>> Maybe you should try losing some weight, fatty.
You know, Robin --
>> You know I'm sensitive about my weight.
You're the reason why I'm on Jenny Craig in the first place.
>> Let's just move on to the next lesson.
The last lesson for the day is probably the most important of all.
How to neutralize a vicious dog with rabies.
Robin is going to demonstrate this by using this euthanizer gun.
All right.
And to make this demonstration more realistic, I've injected this dog with rabies.
>> Rabies?
>> Get her.
>> Batman, it has rabies.
>> If you don't get over there and neutralize her, I'm going to give you rabies myself.
Here!
>> It almost bit me, Batman!
Okay.
>> [ Screaming ] You got me with that thing, Robin!
>> Batman, no!
Batman!
My one true love.
Gone.
I don't know what I will do without you.
See you soon, my love.
Oh.
>> [ Laughter ] I totally got you, man.
You didn't really shoot me with that thing.
Robin?
Oh, my God.
Wait a second.
Alfred, did you get all of that on tape?
>> Yes, sir.
>> I'm going to be a YouTube celebrity!
Yeah!
Woo hoo!
Here comes the Internet!
Yeah!
Cape in the crotch.
YouTube.
The tubes on the internets.