Some of you have asked, "What rules are the best to have in our family in our
home?" Really? These are the only 3 rules you'll ever need in your family.
-We've talked quite a bit about rules and what rules can we have as we
are setting up our family. And it is nature of the beast that you can't make
a rule for every situation. -No. You try sometimes. -You try and you actually get
yourself in trouble. -I've worked with a lot of families who are in this position
too where there's this exhaustive list. -Right. -In fact, I did a home visit once.
And over on the wall was posted a list of the rules. It was fine print and there
were probably a hundred listed on this single sheet all of the rules of the
family. That's exhausting. And you know there's some problems with that. -Because
your child will find a way around the rules. I just want to share what
experienced my mother told about a time. She had told my brother... I have
three older brothers. And one of them loved to write on the walls. And she said,
"Absolutely no writing on the walls." Right? So, he's quiet which as a parent you know
any time your child is quiet. And she goes in. He has written
along all of the baseboards very careful not to get on the wall. -He
followed the rule. -So, we're gonna talk about 3 rules that are
they pretty much cover everything. We have yet to find anything that it
doesn't cover. -We tested these in our own home. -I've tested him in my classroom.
-I've tested them with families in a clinical setting for almost 30 years. We
haven't found anything that's not covered by these 3 rules. -So, would
you like to hear them? - Sound good to you? -Okay. -Here's rule number one. Respect
yourself and others. -Right. -Alright. Now, there's some important components here.
First of all, let's talk about what respect means. -Right. -I've asked a
a lot of kids... -What does respect means? -And they give me the most simple pure answer that I
think is a really good one to start with. It means be nice. -That is a
language that every child can understand after maybe what? 18 months? -It comes so
naturally to them. And when I ask kids what does respect mean, those who
understand it come up with that. So, let's just roll with that for a minute. Now,
respect may have other subtle definitions that we as adults could
illuminate. But let's just go with that. Be nice to yourself and others. So, that
covers all the people. -Right. -Right? I like to do little exercises with kids or if
I'm working with a family. -Okay. -Okay. So, I'm gonna do it with you. I'll throw out
a few things, you tell me if that is keeping rule number 1 or if that's
violating rule number 1. -Okay. -You ready? And Vicki, you can speak for the audience.
But now you go ahead and play along with us. You ready? Here we go.
Punching somebody in the nose. -Not respect. Good. How about calling a name, a
nasty name? -Down. We do this at school. -Thumbs up, thumbs down. You playing along?
See how easy this is so far? How about okay, I'm frustrated and I say, "I can
never do anything right." I've broke the rule? -Yeah, because you're not
being kind to yourself. -Oh, that's right. How about abusing substances. Do you
see how that's not respectful to myself or to others for that matter. Now, there's
some other ways. How about giving a compliment to someone, a genuine compliment.
-That's respect, showing respect. -Hey we've got our first thumbs up there. How about...
-Smiling when your mom comes home from work. Right? -Okay. Easy, simple. And
sometimes easy and simple aren't the same thing. But I think it's both here.
It's easy to identify what keeps the rule and what violates the rule.
Respect yourself and others. -Right. The second rule is to respect property.
-Starts the same. -Yeah. Respect property. Now, that is... I love this one because how
many of you is moms and dads get so tired of stuff all over the floor,
right? Is that respecting property if you leave your toys and your things out? You
leave your bike on the lawn to get rained on? No. That's not respecting
property. So, respecting property is taking care of it, putting it away, having
a home for it. But it's also treating with kindness.... -And nice. -Be nice. -To stuff.
-My sister's diary. Is reading her diary showing respect for that property or
your sister? -Right. That's violating both rules, really. This would have covered
your mom. -Right. Respect property. So, that baseboard was property. -Right. So, you
don't have to come up with a rule for every little item of property. You know,
it's interesting because ask kids, "What is property?" And they tell me, "My
neighbor's yard." That's the context they've heard it in, right? "Stay out of my
property" kind of thing. Yes and it's all the things in our world. It means taking
care of those things, putting them in the place where they belong. Not taking
something that doesn't belong to you. Taking good care of stuff. This is all
property. Okay. So, you gave us one example. How about, I come home from school. I take
off my backpack and throw it on the couch. -That's not it. Nope. -Not.
Violated rule 2 right there. Because that's not its home. I take off my shoes
and throw them in the sink. Play with this a little bit. Because if you share
the rules with your kids... -And you know what issues you're dealing with in your
own home. Let's just try those. Just try them on for size. See if they go against...
If you can put them inside the box of respect yourself and others, respect
property, thing up through. -That pretty much covers it. -Almost.
-Almost. -Right. So, the third and final rule that we're going to propose for you is... -I
really like the roll we're on with respect. -Mm-hmm. -Can we just stick with
that? -Yep. -Respect authority. -Now, this is kind
of a hot topic. We got to talk about what does it mean? What does Authority
mean? -Well, first and foremost, it means you as a parent. Because you're in charge,
you're driving the family bus. Yes, you want to have a friendly relationship
with your children. But you're not their friend, you're their parent. -I kind of
think of the authority as somebody who might have stewardship over the
situation, the person, the place, the situation. So, in your home, respect
authority is yourself. But what about a babysitter? -This is where when we're
introducing it to the kids, I've asked a lot of kids about this one. "What is
authority?" And they very quickly pick up on the definition that it's whoever is
in charge. -Alright. -So, the babysitter is in charge when mom and dad leave. What
about the teacher? The teachers in charge at school. What about the principal?
Principal is in charge of school. What about the police? What what about
the judge? See, there are different levels of authority. Now, we're not getting into
a discussion on this video about what to do if you disagree with the authority.
That's another conversation. The rule is that you respect Authority. And that
covers pretty much everything that we might have missed in the first 2. Even
though the first 2 are pretty comprehensive. Do you like those rules? Do
you think you can remember those rules? How about your kids? And I was saying
earlier that have some fun with it. Use some examples that help kids to
know when they're violating any of these 3 rules. And then you can start tying
the consequences instead of this comprehensive list of rules that's not
comprehensive after all. And that your kids will find their way around. Now,
we've narrowed it down to 3. 3 simple
rules that everybody understands. And mom and dad, these rules apply to you as well.
Parenting can be challenging but you don't have to do this alone. Did you know
that we've got some programs that we've put together for you? Resources, a whole
platform to support you as a positive parent. Come over to Live On Purpose
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over to Live On Purpose central where we will help you to be the parent that
you've promised yourself you would be.