(champagne cork pops)
- To being single forever and ever.
- And ever.
(glasses clink)
What video is this?
(waltz music)
Today we are reviewing Valentine's Day gifts
and we are not qualified to do so.
- I am as the people say
alone but not lonely.
- I am alone and a little bit lonely sometimes.
- I'm just ready to cry.
(laughter)
- This got so sad.
- We are an objective party.
Here to tell you how dumb your gifts
are to each other.
(waltz music)
- Oh a dozen long stem roses.
- Flowers always smell nice.
- They do smell good.
- But also kind of smell like a funeral home.
- No, What are you doing Kelsey?
- I was going to do she loves me,
she loves me not.
- If you just give me some flowers.
That's enough.
- [Both Together] She loves me, she loves me not. ??
- You went. You got the flowers.
- You thought of me.
That's really sweet.
You bought them.
- She loves me.
Uh, oh It went in my wine.
- Just in general, send your friend flowers.
Why not?
I'm going to drunk send all of my friends flowers.
- She loves me not
- I'm on the edge of my seat.
- She loves me.
- (curse word beeped out) Surprise.
- Wow, Wow.
- Surprise, surprise.
- Wow.
- If she brought me wine and flowers.
I'm probably going to give it up.
- Oh I see chocolate.
It has a fucking cat on it.
- Thanks, but you don't love me.
- It's going straight to my hips.
- The one thing I don't like about these chocolates.
Is that you don't know what you're getting
and then I try it and I'm like.
- This gift tells me
Ewww, kind of forgot that I had to do
something for Valentine's Day so I'm going to get this.
- This is more acceptable for me
in milkshake form or milk form.
If you got me chocolate milk for
Valentine's Day that would be awesome.
(laughter)
- This would be a no for me dog.
- That being said.
I'm gonna have another.
- Yeah I'm hungry.
- Actually this is all delicious.
You know what I take it back.
This is a f-ing dope gift.
(laughter)
- If you gave me this I would laugh a lot.
And I would wear these with you as a joke one time
and then we would never use them again.
- With four leg holes.
- This is hilarious.
We're going to try it on?
This is happening.
- This is incredible.
- Noooo.
(laughter)
This is not sexy.
- Two people can't comfortable fit in this.
- A boner, a nice ass and two human bodies
can not comfortably fit in here.
- Where do you put your hands?
- I can't not put my hands.
- How does it look?
Let's give it a twirl.
- There's no way to not be sexy with this.
Ohh, yeah.
- Zach, no wonder we're single.
- I know.
- Look at the dumb shit that we do.
- I don't.
- Joke gifts would be awesome.
If my girlfriend got me a joke gift I'd love it.
- Now I'm like a baby joey.
I'm like a baby kangaroo.
- It starts off silly.
But if I was going to have sex
with Zach right now.
I'd be having the most fun sex,
I could have.
- That's the most action I've gotten all year.
(giggles)
- Same.
- Love this movie.
- The Notebook?
- Yes.
- The Notebook is great,
but you don't do a four pack.
- I'm sorry but who has a DVD player any more?
- This isn't for Valentine's Day.
This is for single people.
This is for us.
- This is what we should watch.
- He built her a house.
- (inaudible)
- And yet some people still don't watch
my Instagram stories.
- Maybe we just don't like movies that much.
- No I like movies, but you gonna take me
to a movie and not get me a movie.
- This is a threat.
This is like if you break up with me
you'll never have this.
- These are all sad stories.
You now what I would love, Space Jam.
(laughter)
- [Noah] Would you just stay with me
- [Allie] Stay with you?
What for?
Look at us we're already fighting.
- [Noah] Well that's what we do.
- We fight!
- You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch
and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass.
- [Noah] Because I want you.
All of you.
- Forever you and me
All the days
- [Noah] Go, I lost you once
- No don't go
- [Noah] I think I can do it again.
- you can't, you know you can't
[Noah] If that's what you really wanted.
you won't do it.
- Fuck you Ryan Gosling.
- I'm gonna cry.
- Nicholas Sparks might be the reason I'm alone.
- Dun dont da done
Dun dont da done
- The cynic in me says "ah, cheesy",
but the then the romantic in me is like
"fuck yeah".
Valentine's Day proposal.
- I would just be like bitch.
You don't propose on Valentine's Day.
You don't propose on Christmas.
And you don't propose on my or yours birthday.
- Why not?
- Those are staple holidays that belong
to Jesus Christ, Cupid, me and you
and not in that order.
- Will you make me the happiest man in the world?
- Yes! Yes! Yes! A million times yes!
- Boo, wait is it the right or the left?
- It's this one.
- I like diamonds.
- Jewelry's good.
I'd say again.
Customize it to the person.
Subscribe something on it, enscribe.
(laughter)
- I still like the idea of Valentine's Day.
I hate that none of these things are gonna be for me.
- Just some like love man.
- I'm happy for people who are in love.
And I'm happy for myself
because I love myself.
- Damn straight.
(laughter)
- Do whatever you want.
I don't know.Why are you asking us?
We don't know anything.
That's why we're here.
- Yeah, we're the worst people to ask this.
- It's all about what's your intention
and showing that you really care.
- And wear a condom.
- Oh god, you don't want kids yet.
You're not ready.
Will you be my back up Valentine?
- I'd be an honor.
(laughter)
- You're drunk now.