- What do the 16 personalities do
to kill their relationships?
Wow, Frank, very cheerful topic.
That's what we're talking about today.
What is it about your personality type
that could be sabotaging your relationships?
I don't know why I'm yelling.
This video was sponsored by unnecessary yelling.
ESTP is despite being one of the types who typically
have an easier time finding relationships,
are one of the types that struggles to keep relationships.
This is because of their preference
for very practical thinking and action.
If they think something, they typically either say it
or do it without spending a lot of time thinking it over.
This can get them into trouble in relationships
because they don't spend much time thinking
about how their words might impact those they care about.
They might be accused of being thoughtless
when it comes to romantic situations.
Even going so far
as being called a jerk, in worst case scenarios.
That is such a worst case scenario being called a jerk.
Oh.
The lack of tact and emotional consideration
is what can really kill a relationship for ESTPs.
ESFPs can kill relationships by being a bit immature.
Being young at heart is great and it's nice
to have a partner or friend who keeps that spirit alive.
But sometimes situations call
for harder decisions or an air of seriousness.
It can be difficult when you have a serious matter
you wanna discuss and an ESFP brushes it off or says,
"Ah, I'll deal with that later.
My taxes, what does that matter?
Deal with that later.
There's an extension, right?"
Their tendency to downplay more serious discussions
or events can make others feel
like the relationship they have is more of a game
than a relationship which can drive people away
which is not the direction we want people to go
in a relationship.
Have you ever heard the phrase all work
and no play makes Jack and dull boy?
I haven't.
Not till I read it off the screen just now.
So, this is the problem ISTJs
can face in their relationships.
Essentially the opposite of the ISFPs.
Now, having a conscientious partner who's organized
and cares a lot about work
and takes things very seriously can be great.
There's a lot of upsides to it.
It's a solid foundation for a relationship,
but most people wanna be
with a partner who can occasionally wind down
or who has like hobbies that they can do together.
What can really kill relationships
with the ISTJ is forgetting to take time away
from their work and business life to spend it
with those they care about.
If their partner doesn't get this time,
they can start to feel
like they come in second to the ISTJ'S work,
even if that isn't actually the case.
ISFJs have the problem of being a boiling pot
with their emotions.
ISFJs are socially aware, they don't like to rock the boat.
So given those two things, they're not likely
to express it when they don't enjoy something,
when they dislike something,
because they don't wanna ruin the atmosphere.
They don't wanna harsh the mellow.
The problem is that this can lead
to a lot of pent up frustrations
that they just sit with until one day they explode
and in a relationship they exploded their partner
and throw out a long list of all the things
that they have done wrong.
The partner has done wrong, which can immediately kill
a relationship if you couldn't have guessed.
The solution for ISFJs here
is to learn that it's okay to express something you dislike
to a partner or a friend,
especially if you do it in a calm and respectful manner.
After all, people won't often change their behavior
if they don't even know they're doing something wrong
in the first place.
If your partner's nickname for you is fatty two by four
and you don't like it, just say so.
ESTJs can be the epitome of my way
or the highway in relationships, which can be off-putting
to others who don't like that sort of thing.
Now, don't get me wrong, some people
like relationships where someone else takes care
of all the big decisions, but for many it can feel
like the ESTJ is stomping over their opinions.
Just like you can't see my feet right now,
but I'm stomping, right? (feet stomping)
I'm stomping on your opinions right now.
Wow, Frank, you seem to be having fun filming this.
I wish I was having fun watching.
The ESTJ's stubbornness and rigidness
can kill their relationships
by making the other person feel like they are more
of an employee than an equal and respected partner
and they're not even getting paid a fair wage
with health insurance.
I mean, come on guys.
All the non-American people are like
why would you get health insurance from your job?
Because they like to be the best
and for things to be the best,
ENTJs often have really high standards
for both themselves and others.
Unfortunately, these standards imposed on others
can be either unrealistic or just too draining
to keep up with.
This can lead relationship partners
for ENTJs to always feel like they're being tested
or judged in relation to how they act, dress,
or even think.
What can ultimately kill relationships
for ENTJs is their partner being burnt out
on trying to keep up when their sky high expectations.
ESFJs can be a little too mama bear
at times with the people they care about.
A little too protective,
a little too catching salmon out of a river.
Nah, I'm just joking about the salmon part.
Well, yes, sometimes it can be nice to have
someone who reminds you to brush your teeth
or checks in on how you're doing every two hours.
Not everyone is gonna want that in their relationship.
What really kills their relationship
is not giving their partner enough independence.
Even in a relationship, people are individuals
and they need to have some space
and time to do their own things.
Sometimes ESFJs fail to recognize this
to the point where maybe it even causes the ESFJ anxiety
to let their partner kind of go off and do their own thing.
Almost like, am I doing something wrong?
Am I neglecting them by not always being with my partner?
And this brings it to a point where at the very worst
an ESFJ can become the old ball and chain
where their partner feels like limited
and tied down and like they can't do things
because their partner doesn't want them
like straying too far off without them.
Now, ENFJs focus too much on their partner
to a point where they forget to think of
or develop themselves.
Now, imagine having a super supportive partner
who lifts you up and cares a lot about you,
but they don't have any interest or hobbies of their own.
Unless you count their hobby being supporting you.
I mean, that can be nice for a little while,
but it can be hard to connect
with the ENFJ on a deeper level
if you aren't able to bond over anything more
than just the fact that you are in a relationship together.
What can ultimately drive a partner away is the feeling
that the relationship is just that,
it's just a relationship.
It's just two people who have a relationship.
I'm just using the word relationship over and over,
but there isn't that deeper connection
with shared interests or ideas.
Now, ISTP, they're not the best
at emotions or being considerate of others' feelings.
They tell it how they see it
and if your feelings don't agree with that, well,
that's not their problem or it wouldn't be their problem,
but when it involves a relationship they're in
and a partner, now suddenly it is a big problem.
Now, ISTPs can end up accidentally belittling their partner
by pointing out the problems in their partner's ideas
or thoughts in the ISTPs notoriously callous manner.
And I don't think that ISTPs are trying to be callous.
They're just like, well, here,
I'm just telling you the facts on the logic.
Boom, boom, boom.
Here you go.
I don't need to wrap it
up in some stupid, emotionally, sugarcoated, whatever.
But the thing is, no one likes to be called dumb
or to feel dumb or like to be hinted that they are dumb
because they have dumb ideas and they did something dumb.
And ISTPs unfortunately
can make people feel dumb pretty easily
because ISTPs are so smart.
It's just like you feel dumb being around them.
If ISTPs are not careful,
their facts and logic can drive those they care about away.
And as I mentioned earlier,
that is the direction you do not want people to go
in a relationship.
I mean, if they smell bad or something, yeah, go,
they can go away.
But you know, if they're in a relationship with you,
you get what I'm trying to say.
INTPs are known for being a bit quirky
and eccentric at times which some people really like
in a partner, but some INTPs take this
to a whole nother level where quirky becomes weird
and eccentric becomes
how is this person keeping their life together?
How are they functioning as a member of society?
Should I call a doctor?
This can lead INTPs
to being not the most socially presentable people at times.
Like, oh, you know, you wanna go out to a restaurant.
I'm not even talking about a fancy restaurant.
Just like some fast casual thing, you know,
you wanna go to Chipotle or something,
but the INTP just stays in their pajamas
'cause they don't care what nobody thinks about them,
not even at Chipotle.
Frank, are you saying that wrong on purpose
or do you just not know how to say it?
Or when you come to visit an INTP
and their apartment looks like it
hasn't been cleaned in a few weeks or months
but they're like, "Seems fine to me.
I know where everything is.'
So, what can end up killing their relationships
is the INTP's lack of concern
for how others think about them
which can make their partner feel like they
aren't dating someone who takes themselves seriously.
Not a good look, not a good look, player.
ISFPs don't often have a strong desire to accomplish things.
They view life as less of a race and more of an experience
which has some merits to it,
but this can lead to them being slower to get
to certain life milestones than other types.
You know, like finishing school, getting a job,
moving out, getting a house, having a kid or whatever.
Those type of things, getting potty trained.
This could be off-putting for other types
because they might view the ISFP as being aimless
or not having a lot of willpower or ambition.
And then this can lead to a relationship partner feeling
like they themselves are stagnant in life
like they areN'T moving upwards
or making any progress with the ISFP
which can ultimately drive the partner away
and kill the relationship.
INFPs usually go all in on relationships.
Too much at times and that has the unfortunate effect
of making them appear clingy to their partner.
Having a partner who is really into you is nice.
I mean, it is pleasant, it's palatable,
but when your partner is too into you
it could feel like they're suffocating you
and you don't have any room to do things on your own.
It's like you constantly gotta be thinking about
that other person and it's like, okay,
do I have to bring them along everywhere?
Do I have to check in with them?
Do I have to make sure they're okay with this?
It's not even just doing stuff together,
it's just like, okay,
am I now responsible for the INFPs emotions as well?
Do I have to constantly check in and make sure, oh,
how are you doing?
You okay?
You know, INFPs are generally pretty open
to new experiences and they will happily tag along
with most hobbies their partner has and this
can get to a point where their partner doesn't feel
like they have any alone time
which is needed in every relationship, At least a little.
And I know what you're thinking, Frank,
aren't INFPs really introverted?
And it's like, yeah, INFPs are a pretty introverted type,
but when they find that one other person
that they really connect with in a relationship
or even a close friendship, they do wanna kind of be
with that person a lot, if not all the time.
Like the alone time factor isn't needed as much
in that one-on-one relationship for the INFP.
They forget that other people might not feel
that intense connection that's just like
it's so nice to be around this person all the time.
Like obviously when you're in a relationship with someone,
Yeah, everyone feels that connection.
I feel like INFPs though, it's a really,
really deep, intense connection
which not everyone feels the absolute depth of
and INFPs, you just gotta be okay with that, okay?
It doesn't mean they don't like you, they're not into you.
It just means they're wired a little differently than you.
If INFPs aren't careful,
they might just drive their partner away
by caring too much about them.
Ironically, of all the types,
ENFPs might be the one where their partners say things like,
"They're too emotional for me,"
or "They're too much to handle."
The newest Netflix show, "Too Much to Handle."
Not even a good joke.
Essentially, ENFPs are hard to contain
between their fluctuating emotional states
and their rapidly changing interest.
They take impulsive to its highest level
and that can be difficult
for partners who prefer a bit of organization
or even just a little bit of stability in their lives.
One day the relationship is great and the ENFP is happy
and they're grooving, they're doing their thing,
and then the next day the ENFP is upset and saying
"We got major problems in our relationship, man."
And then the next day they're like, "Ah, everything's fine.
Well, I don't know what I was thinking yesterday."
Essentially, they could kill their relationships
by not managing their own emotional states
or by making impulsive decisions
that may impact their partner or their relationship.
ENTP's randomness and forgetfulness
can cause them trouble in their relationships.
They are a type not generally concerned
with tradition or remembering details and this can lead
to them forgetting important relationship dates
like anniversaries or even not paying enough attention
to the things their partner enjoys.
Many partners of ENTPs feel like they're
in competition for their attention with the many hobbies
or interests that the ENTP is constantly switching between.
It's like, "Hey, stop playing ping pong
and start talking to me."
Why ping pong?
I don't know, "Stop learning about astrophysics
and start learning when my birthday is
'cause we've been dating for four years.
You really should know it by now."
It doesn't exactly feel good when someone chooses
to go do something interesting over spending time
with you 'cause then it makes you feel not interesting.
And some of the more blunt ENTPs would be like,
"Well, yeah, you're not as interesting
as this thing I'm interested in."
Ultimately, what kills relationships
for ENTPs is their partner not feeling
like they're being given enough attention
or being valued enough.
INTJs aren't exactly known
for being masters of relationships.
They're not the smoothest sailors
or the smoothest operators,
whichever smooth thing, it doesn't matter.
They're not either of them.
It's not that they're awkward or disorganized,
but the biggest pitfall for INTJs is that they conceive
or even be a bit apathetic.
Now INTJs, they tend to be pretty independent
and they don't feel
like they necessarily need a relationship
as some of the other types do
which can lead to them not expressing their feelings
or appreciation towards their partner.
I mean, many INTJs literally just don't feel as much
as other types when it comes to relationships.
Now, this isn't to say they don't love their partners,
but instead it's not as much of a deep emotional experience
as it might be with some of the other types
like we talked about, the INFPs,
this intense, emotional thing.
For the INTJs, sure, the relationship is important.
It's good, it's a human connection,
but it's not like the be all end all.
The INTJ is off thinking about other stuff most of the time.
What ends up killing relationships for the INTJ
is their partner not having their emotional needs met
such as being affirmed or reminded
that the INTJ cares about them.
Being in a relationship with an INFJ is kind of like being
in a relationship with a therapist.
It could be nice to have someone who understands you
and your thoughts,
but it could also be a little annoying
when they psychoanalyze everything you do and say.
Sometimes when you have a disagreement,
or an argument, or you're just venting about your day,
you're just trying to express your feelings.
You don't necessarily wanna get
to the root of why you feel it
and how it has to do with your childhood upbringing
and all this blah, blah, blah.
But the INFJs, that's what they're gonna try to do.
If you start talking to them
about things you're frustrated with,
you get into an argument with them,
they're gonna like bypass the thing you're talking about,
go around it and try to figure out,
well, why do you think this?
Why do you feel this way in the first place?
Let's talk about that.
And I know, I get it.
The INFJs are doing that because they're like,
why treat the problem right now in the present?
Why don't we go back to the source and shut it off there?
The problem is, that's annoying.
This leads to INFJs killing their relationships
by always looking at them from a bird's eye view
and trying to fix them instead of
just actually being in the relationship.
Sometimes fixing an issue from the source is not
as important as just like having the dialogue now,
talking about how a person feels right now.
Thanks for watching.
Until next time, stay cool and attractive.
♪ You say a stranger's come to town ♪
♪ They call him Mr. Frank James ♪