- What do you do for a living?
- I'm a comedian.
- Tell me a joke.
- Being mixed is weird. - Word.
- People mistake your culture.
I had a lady come up to me last week and she goes,
"Aren't you one of those Samoans?"
And I was like, "No, ma'am, not a girl scout cookie."
- There's clearly a reason why you didn't win class clown.
- There's a (laughs)
(dramatic upbeat music)
- I'm Ariel.
I am a high school special education teacher.
- [Interviewer] How long have you been doing that?
- Eight years.
- I teach 12th graders primarily for the last 20 years.
- I am a high school teacher.
This is my third year, if you count student teaching.
- [Interviewer] Today, you're gonna match
high school superlative to a stranger.
What is a superlative?
- The award that they give you at the end of the year,
like best athlete.
- [Interviewer] What's the purpose
of the high schools superlative?
- I don't know, I think they actually should be cut
from year books.
I think they're problematic.
Sometimes I feel like they can overlap into stereotypes,
which is why I was a little hesitant to come today.
- Yeah, it's funny,
'cause we're gonna ask you to acknowledge
some of those stereotypes perhaps.
Okay, I'm gonna give you the list of some superlatives.
- Most likely to be an Olympic athlete,
somebody who was pretty athletic, played a lot of sports.
Biggest flirt, pretty straightforward.
Flirting with a lot of people.
- Most spirited, like did they dress up as the mascot
at the school?
- [Interviewer] Maybe.
- Most likely to be on "The Bachelor"?
Schools need to cut that one,
it's gonna get a very narrow view of what beauty is
as told by mainstream media.
- Ken or Barbie doll?
I guess is good looking but maybe bit of an airhead.
- Biggest brown-noser, you're a snitch.
- Most likely to be on a reality TV.
I hope these don't really exist, I'm sure they do.
- And class clown, you probably had undiagnosed ADHD.
- [Interviewer] Do you have undiagnosed ADHD?
- No but I've got a slew of other diagnoses. (laughing)
- Probably my personal favorite,
I love having a class clown in my class.
So I think I'll be able to tell them hopefully.
- [Interviewer] All right, and we'll start bringing them in.
- Hi. - Hello.
- I have not done this before,
so I don't really know how to eliminate.
- Did you do drugs in high school?
- Ah. - That's a no. (laughing)
- Well, I smoked weed and I drank a lot.
- I don't think someone who smoked and drank a lot
would be biggest brown-noser.
Did you have a lot of friends?
- I was in kind of the popular group,
but I hated everyone.
- Okay, not most spirited. - Nah.
- How was your schooling experience?
- I fucking hated it.
I mean, I was a cheerleader.
I would mess up the dances and stuff.
- You liked to be subversive. - Yeah.
- I thought maybe Barbie doll
'cause you're attractive and blonde.
- Oh, my hair was jet black in high school.
- Oh. - Just making (indistinct)
- I was a lot of fun though.
- Can be fun.
Most likely to be on reality TV.
- You were gonna be on bad girls club,
you are most likely to be on reality TV.
- Most likely to be on reality TV.
That's what I'm thinking
but I just wanna say for the record
that I think all these are crap.
(people laughing)
- Hi. - Hi.
Did you get along with the teachers?
- Yes.
- I'm gonna go with biggest brown-noser.
- Cool.
- Were you a prominent dater?
- I did date, but no I did not hoe, I guess.
- That's not how I would've phrased it.
- Oh, okay, so yeah, I understand.
- Did classmates find you funny?
- If I wasn't roasting them, yeah.
- I think my pick would have to be class clown.
- Did you do any outside of school activities
in high school?
- Volunteering clubs, student leadership, tennis,
honestly, the list goes on.
- [Interviewer] What are you thinking?
- I have no idea yet.
I'm looking for something- - Okay.
- That's gonna send me in some direction.
What did you enjoy most of your high school experience?
- I really did like to play tennis.
- Everybody knew that you were a tennis player.
- At my high school, yeah.
- I'll go with most likely to be an Olympic athlete.
- Thanks. - All right, thank you.
Nice to meet you.
I don't feel super great about that.
- How did you do in school?
- I did well in school, I graduated a year early.
- Do people resent that?
- I think so.
- So one of the ways they might have honored that resentment
is by this category, biggest brown-noser.
- Can you do a cartwheel?
- I used to be able to. - You wanna try?
- Well, fuck, no, I'm in slacks.
- Did you play sports in high school?
- Yeah, I was football captain.
- Okay, most likely to be an Olympian.
- Did you have girlfriend, boyfriend?
- I was like Baskin and Robbins, I had 31 flavors.
It took a different girl to every dance.
- All right, that kind of seems like somebody
who might be on "The Bachelor".
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
- Oh, you son of a bitch. (both laughing)
- I don't even know how long "The Bachelor" has been on TV.
- [Interviewer] It was a smart question.
- I'm 39, I'll be 40 this year.
I'm getting to the hill.
- Class clown, 'cause you're a funny guy.
You chat everybody up, it seems like.
- Did you date a lot in high school?
- I had a lot of flings. (laughing)
- Okay, biggest flirt.
- Can you tell me about your high school experience?
- I was cheer captain, my senior year.
I did a lot of leadership,
I was an executive mentor for the incoming freshmen.
- I feel like you'd be honored with the most spirited.
Although, we did not necessarily get into flirting,
I feel like that might've come up.
So I guess I'm gonna go with most spirited.
- Did you get in trouble in high school?
- No, just for like chewing gum?
- Where the fuck did you go to high school?
- A very small private school.
- There's gonna be conventional standards of beauty
that you fit, so I think that seems like it Ken doll,
and I'll find out if I'm wrong.
- Ken and Barbie doll just seems very generic.
Not the person, well also the person,
but like the superlative.
I think you're most likely to be on "The Bachelor".
- All right, all right, so I've got Ken/Barbie doll,
most likely to be on "The Bachelor" and most spirited left.
How would you describe yourself as a high school stereotype?
- I wouldn't say jock, but I was more of
like the outspoken black girl, I guess.
- So like leader. - Yeah.
- And you go to all the sports games.
- Most of them, yeah.
- Would you say you were pretty popular?
- People knew me.
- I'm gonna give you most spirited then.
- Sports?
- Yeah, I ran track.
- Were you successful at track?
- Yeah, I went to state three years in a row.
- It sounds like you were an amazing track athlete
that would merit most athletic.
- When did you graduate high school?
- 1987.
- And that's the year I was born?
- Yes.
- And what was your school's mascot?
- It was a wolverine.
- Give me a fight song.
- Oh, okay, I could do that one.
♪ So fight fight fight (clapping) ♪
♪ For Evergreen high ♪
- Most spirited. (squeaks)
- All right.
- Did you have a good time dating?
- Fairly shy when it came to girls,
but I was also sort of a ham.
- The ham thing to me it seems, says flirt.
I'm thinking biggest flirt for you.
- So all I have left is class clown.
Did other people think you were funny in high school?
- Yes, 'cause they thought I was joking about everything.
- You were a total c*** and people thought it was funny?
- Mm-hh.
- Class clown.
- So I'm down to one category,
most likely to be on "The Bachelor".
How do you feel about that?
- There could be worse things to be voted for.
- I only have one left
but I'm not gonna tell you what it is,
'cause I'm gonna see if I think you're a good fit.
And then I'll tell you.
What would you say you were like in high school?
- I wore black lipstick, had a bad attitude.
- Sounds exactly like somebody
who would be very likely to be on "The Bachelor" someday.
- Mm-hh. - So bachelor here he come.
- [Interviewer] How many do you think you got right?
- Probably like two or three.
- [Interviewer] Okay.
- I think it's okay if you do get them wrong
because the categories are so problematic,
and like we all grow and change.
And I feel like there's learning
regardless of how well I did.
- [Interviewer] That's very wise.
Now you get to meet them all again
and see if you got them right.
- Did I get you right?
- Yes you did.
- Was I right?
- Yeah, spot on. - Fuck, yes.
Pretty spot on.
I got most likely to be on a reality show.
- Can I ask how you felt about that?
I was happy.
You know, how could I be mad when I'm getting in fights,
telling people I'm gonna cut them and stuff.
- If you had a reality TV show, what would it center on?
- Probably be bad girls club.
I think that that's what they thought of me in high school.
They were like, oh yeah, this crazy bitch.
And I was like, you wanna see crazy?
- Hi. - Hi.
You got me right.
- I did? - Yeah.
I am actually the class clown.
- Fuck.
- Did I get you right?
- No, I was the class clown.
- Class clown, awesome.
Do you have any best prank stories?
- I wouldn't say I was like that type of a class clown.
If something happened and I just would point that out
and people would be like, oh cool, funny.
- I was class clowned but I also, bipolar disorder
and obsessive compulsive disorder.
- Yeah, I have anxiety, depression is so real.
- I'm sorry I got it wrong. (laughs)
- No, it's okay.
- Hi, there.
- Howdy.
And I was the biggest brown-noser in my high school,
you were right. - Okay.
- So I got you wrong.
- How'd you guess?
- The class clown already came in.
- You're wearing slacks, I should have fucking known.
Are you coming from work? - No.
- What do you do for a living?
- I'm a comedian.
I wasn't a brown-noser though.
I went to high school with a bunch of white kids
and graduated early.
- So they literally said brown, huh.
- That's one of my jokes on stage,
is I don't know if they were mocking me or racist,
'cause I was one of the only black kids
in my graduating class.
- That's not that funny.
There's clearly a reason why you didn't win class clown?
(man laughing)
- So was I right, most spirited?
- No, you were wrong. - Oh, okay.
- I like how you were being super respectful
thinking you would offend me with biggest flirt,
but I'm not offended by that.
- I feel like I had a rationale though for most spirited,
and I also confess that I might not know
kind of the connotations of being a flirt.
I feel like I have negative ones associated with them.
I don't know, I don't flirt a lot.
- I don't think it's negative.
- Biggest flirt.
- Yes, you got it right. (laughing)
(Ariel screaming)
- Are you still a flirt?
- I would say so, I be flirting with the bartenders.
- So you can't pay for your own drinks?
- No, I can. - I'm joking.
- Why would I wanna pay,
if the bartender can just give me a free drink, come on.
- Which one were you?
The Ken, well, am I right?
- You were right. - Okay.
- Okay, most likely to be on "The Bachelor".
- No.
- Fuck.
- They voted like a black person a Ken doll?
- Yeah, there was one girl in my class
who campaigned for me to get it.
- Did you ask her to campaign?
- No. - That's a little creepy.
- She was obsessed with me and my family
and saying we looked perfect and dress.
- Like "Get Out" obsessed?
- A little bit, yeah.
I think she was just weird, she's gonna see this. (laughing)
- How did I do with the most athletic,
most likely to be an Olympian?
- You guessed it right.
- It's hard, that was a hard one
'cause you seem really modest
and I bet you just killed it on the track.
- Yeah. - Did I get you right?
- No, mine was most likely to be an Olympic athlete.
- So were you like really good at track?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- [Interviewer] Come on, just once today,
say yes. - She's trying so hard.
- Yeah, I was pretty nice.
- Did you keep doing it after high school at all?
- I tore my ACL my senior year.
I have not ran track since I started college, yes,
but I'm planning on starting in the fall.
- Cool, so you're still at college?
- Mm-hh. - Yeah.
- Was I right?
- Yes, of course you were.
I didn't even know that I knew my entire fight song.
- Yeah that was kind of embarrassing.
- Embarrassing for you? - Yeah.
- Okay, 'cause it wasn't for me.
- Hello.
- Did I get you right?
- You did actually.
- Was that right?
- You were, yeah. - Okay.
- So most likely to be on "The Bachelor"?
- That's me.
- Oh.
- Why would you say they voted you
most likely to be "The Bachelor"?
- Tall, blonde, long hair down to my butt.
- How did you feel about that?
- I don't think there are a lot of things that align with me
and other bachelor contestants, but you know,
it had a lot to do with who I was dating at the time,
because we were both voted
most likely to be bachelor and bachelorette.
- Would you go on "The Bachelorette" now?
- No, just because I cannot be in a house with 15 women
with no phone.
- You don't get a phone?
- I'm not a 100% sure.
- Maybe you should try out.
- I definitely shouldn't.
- [Interviewer] High school superlatives,
do you like them?
- I feel like it's one of those more archaic traditions
we could do without.
I think you can never distill anybody down to one thing
and it's silly to try.
- High school sucks, and then once you leave,
you don't have to fit into those boxes
and your brain is a little more developed.
- [Interviewer] Is there a version of this
that could be fun and interesting?
- Well, yeah, like categories that also honor your values
that are not about physical aesthetics and things like that.
There's probably words that might make people feel better
than some of these.
- [Interviewer] Yeah, thank you.
(people applauding)