Renee: What if I told you that meeting your dream woman is actually easier than you think?
And that you've had the power all along?
I'm Renee Slansky for The Attractive Man team. And today, in this video, I'm going
to reveal to you the five fears that are blocking you from meeting your dream
girl. I'm also going to give you the simple strategies to get overcome those
fears, increase your confidence and make your love life limitless.
I'm a professional dating and relationship coach. And I help men from around the
world increase their confidence and build the relationship that they really
crave. Now, typically speaking most of the time, the reason why we come against
roadblocks or we find that we're not getting the progress that we want in our
relationships or we're not attracting the woman that we want into our world is
simply because of fear or lack. Now, whether it is fear of failure, fear of
repeating the past, fear of not being aligned enough, or lack of confidence,
lack of self-worth, or lack of knowledge on how to actually approach women, most
of the problems that we have that hinder us from love, boiled down to those two
things. But in this video, I really want to focus on the word "fear" because here's
the thing about fear, fear is a big fat liar. Now, what fear does is, it takes a
thought or an idea and it builds it up to be something that isn't even a
reality yet. And this hinders us from opportunities, it limits our potential as
a person. And in this case, it also actually stops you from being able to
attract the right woman into your world with such ease and confidence. Now,
in order to become fearless, the first thing you need to understand is; why you
had those fears? When we can identify the problems that we're up against, we're
then able to really look at why we have these problems, where are they stemming
from, what are the beliefs associated with those problems and then once we
have the whys, we can then work on the hows. And that's what I want to do for
you in this video. I'm a really practical dating and relationship coach and I'm
not going to sugarcoat the truth from you.
I wanna make sure that you're first able to identify what
sort of fears you might have that are actually blocking you from meeting this
girl. And then, I'm going to give you a simple sort of strategy in order to be
able to overcome that fear so that you can hear it on the head, move forward and
get on with having an awesome love life. The first fear is Fear of Inadequacy. Now,
whether this is you feel inadequate as a man because you don't believe that your
finances or your life is up to date or whether it is that you feel inadequate
physically or maybe you feel inadequate in a status position. Either way, when we
don't feel like we're enough, we project that and not only does that lower our
confidence, but most of the time it actually lowers our standards as well.
And then we wonder why we're putting this effort into dating and we're not
really getting the results that we desire. And that's because if you have a
deep sense of belief that who you are isn't enough or what you have isn't
enough to offer the right woman, then, you're not really going to attract the
right woman because you'll be living thinking and speaking and making actions
out of that deep centered belief. Now, we all know that life is a journey. There's
always going to be seasons where we have abundance and sometimes where we don't
have as much. If you can understand that you are enough and that your validation
as a man has nothing to do whether or not you're being affirmed or
rejected by a woman, then it's going to help you realize that where you are in
this point in your life, you're still able to make the most of it. The thing is,
a lot of the times when I'm coaching men, I find that one of the repetitive sort
of patterns they have is feeling that you have to be at a certain level before
you can start dating and it's like you're living in the future of who you
want to be instead of celebrating who you are. Now, here is what I want you to
do to help overcome that fear. I want you to do the opposite of a vision board. I
want you to do an accomplishment board. This is a great little exercise, it'll
probably take you about 10-15 minutes and it is something that is highly
effective. All you need to do is get a piece of paper, maybe a cork board, or
whatever it is in your reach. And simply, list all your accomplishments. What have
you achieved up until this point in your life? Have you achieved certain degree?
Have you achieved certain statuses? Have you achieved certain relationships with
your family that are worth noting? You see, I want you to realize that your past
doesn't have to be a place of residence but a place of reference. Meaning, you
have done great things. Who you are is enough. And it's really
about taking that time to actually acknowledge who you are at this point in
your life. An accomplishment board is basically a reminder of who you are
right now and who you've been in the past. It's there to celebrate your
identity. It's there to celebrate your achievements and to remind you visually
that you are actually progressing in life, that you are somebody, that you
don't have to reach a certain level in order to feel that you are able to love
and be loved by a woman. The second fear is Fear of Failure. Now, fear of failure, I
think, is something that the majority of people struggle with but more so, you guys,
because there is so much pressure placed on you by society to be the man, to be
the provider, to be the protector and you almost have to live up to these
unrealistic expectation. Now, the good point from point number one, with the
accomplishment board, is that it's going to help recognize that you aren't
failing, that you have achieved something and that you are progressing as well. Now,
if you feel again that you're going to fail in a relationship, what you need to
do is you need to just scale it back a little bit and take the overwhelm out of
the end result. Fear of failure is basically seen and end result and
assuming that you're not going to make it or that you don't have what it takes
in order to be able to succeed in a relationship. Relationships are always
changing and growing and don't forget you're not the only person in the
relationship it's also up to her as well to make sure that she's playing her part
in order to make the relationship succeed as well. Take the pressure off
yourself. Not every relationship is going to last because that is just how life is
and we can't control other people's actions and reactions in the
relationship. All we can do is control our reaction and our actions in the
relationship. If you have a fear of failure, then this is what you need to do.
The thing is, whatever we water is what so it's important to make sure that
we're watering thoughts and words and actions on what it is that we actually
want to blossom you might not always be everything to her and that's okay
because it's not your responsibility to be her whole entire world or you might
not have everything that you think that she wants. Guys, let me give you a little
bit of advice, right now. Women want a husband not a hero. I know that
instinctually, you guys want to step into this night saving role that you want to
be our protector and provider and everything like that, but at the end of
the day, we don't want all the fancy stuff. We don't even necessarily want all
the money in the the glitz and the glam and everything like that. We want you for
you. We want your time. We want to know that you value us. We want to know at the
end of the day, you're going to be there beside us. That is what we're focusing on.
We're not focusing on what you're not doing. We're focusing on what you are doing.
So therefore, in our mind, it's not even
about failure, it's just more about the effort that you're actually putting in.
So I suggest if you do have this fear of failure then remember what is a woman
actually wanting. What is she actually thinking. Focus on that. Focus on what you
are able to give, not what you aren't or have a fear about. And that is how you'll start to overcome that fear.
The third is Fear of the Future.
Now, this basically centers around the belief that you'd feel that you can't control what
is going to happen. Maybe, you're someone that feels that you like to have almost
all your ducks lined up in a row. Or you like to have things in order where you
can see that, because it means that you can then control your reaction to them.
Now, that is typically usually because you have a past experience. Probably
from your parents where things have hurt you that you didn't see coming. And so
what you want to do is almost like you want to safeguard yourself now.
Safeguarding yourself means that you limit yourself from mystery from
surprises and also from the full capacity of what a relationship can be.
Guys, this is what you need to do in order to be able to overcome fear of the
future. Living in the future means that you're going to miss out on the present
because you're basing your future ideas of what has happened in the past. The
key with getting over your fear of the future is understanding that you cannot
control life. All you can do is control is your reaction to life. And that is where
the power lies in having peace in your decisions and knowing that regardless of
what happens, you're going to be okay. The fourth fear is Fear of Commitment or
Fear of Missing Out. Now, fear of commitment usually stems from either
feeling that you were abandoned when you're a child or maybe you had parents
that were divorced. It could also mean that you feel that you want the next
best thing. And unfortunately, with our access to
online dating and dating ups, we have so many choices in front of us that it's
hard not to always consistently be looking for the next best thing. When you
actually start to allow this fear to control your life, it's almost like you
had this sense of restlessness because you're constantly seeking and searching
for the next best thing. Or you don't ever want to say yes to one thing a
hundred percent because you think that you might miss out on something that is
ultimately better. This isn't about dating every single gal until you
finally find the right one because that's exhausting and you're going to
get choice fatigue. And you're probably going to be 10 20 years down the track
and still single. This is about really pin-pointing: What it is that you want?
Really focusing in on that and making sure that you limit your options only to
that, the more options and things that you add into the equation, the more
anxiety that you're going to have around the decision. And the more you're going
to start focusing on "well, maybe, I can have better," "maybe, I could have this,"
"maybe, I can have that" is one thing to have standard. And to know if you need to
raise your standards or not it's another thing to make dating and choices of who
you date out of a fear that you could have better or you're going to miss out
on something better. So, I suggest simply limiting your options again, focusing on
ideally what it is that you really desire. And then being committed to that
person. I'm not necessarily talking about being in a full relationship with her
straightaway but rather being present in that sort of relationship. All those
dates that you go on instead of being on your app and looking at someone else or
wondering about someone else you know, focus on what that person brings to the
table. Focus on their potential and the potential of what you could actually
have together as a couple before you bring someone else into the equation.
We're never really going to know the full potential of what we can have with
someone if we're constantly focusing on other people. And lastly, the fifth fear
is Fear of Vulnerability. Guys, love is a risk. And unfortunately, you can try and
be as calculated and controlled about it as you like but at the end of the day, it
does involve another person. And you can't control the other person so
there's always going to be some level of risk involved in finding love.
Vulnerability isn't a weakness in a relationship. It's actually something
that can strengthen your relationship. It makes things transparent it helps build
trust and it's actually a really attractive quality in a man for us women.
We want to know that the men we're dating are men who aren't afraid to let
their walls down. It's not that we're asking you to lay your heart on the line
because trust me, I coach my women out there not to lay their heart on the line
straight away. It's important that you get to know the person behind the
commitment at the same time you can't be constantly guarded because of what's
happened in the past or what you're afraid will happen in the future again.
If you have this fear of being who you are, then you're never really going to
know if the person that you're dating really loves you for who you are. Fear of
Vulnerability basically stands back to having been hurt in the past or having a
lack of awareness of how to actually reduce the risk when it comes to love
and in order to be able to conquer this fear, I really recommend doing the boot camp.
that we have with The Attractive Man. This is something that is going to
help increase your knowledge which in turn increases your confidence. It's
going to give you real sort of insight and awareness and what it is you need to
look for.What it is that you need to do so that you don't just have the whys but
you also have the how's. It's one thing to be able to identify these fears. It's
another thing to know what it is that you need to do in order to be able to
overcome them and become fearless. So, which one of these fears can you relate
to? I want you to actually tell me in the comments below. Now, if you really want to
increase your confidence and overcome these fears, then Matt has created a
confidence cheat sheet which has 18 proven ways to help you overcome these
fears and increase your confidence and deal with stressful situations such as
approaching beautiful women. This is all based
on science and psychology and these are methods that actually worked. To get your
free guide, all you need to do is click on the image at the bottom right hand of
this screen and it'll go straight to your inbox. And don't forget if you
haven't subscribed and turned on the notifications already, then do so now
because you don't want to miss out on my next few videos. Pass this video on to a,
maybe, another mate that really needs help in this area as well. And until next
time, I'll see you then! Bye for now!