Ellie: Okay, so I got to go into my performance review which for some reason
(Door Opens)
Burnie: Hello, Ellie
Ellie: This is so intense
Burnie: As you know at the company
We're supposed to have a quarterly performance review of employees
Ellie: Right
Burnie: And, you obviously being an employee
I have the obligation, to uhh give you a performance review.
Ellie: Why do you have all these awards in front of you?
Burnie: Oh just ignore them.
I mean you should notice them, but then ignore them
Ellie: Right
Burnie: Lots of people have awards
Ellie: That's true
Burnie: So how do you think it's going so far? Because-
Ellie: I think you're doing really well
Burnie: Me? Oh thank you
I've been trying my best. Yeah, so we produce probably what now a few months of vlogs
Ellie: Yeah, We've produced a lot of vlogs. We've done a lot of speaking engagements
Burnie: Awards, don't forget that
Ellie: We have won a lot of awards
I missed one flight probably the uh the, the low, valley
Burnie: Right
Ellie: Peaks and valleys
Burnie: That was a low point?
Ellie: Well, there's also the what
the death hotel
Burnie: The death hotel was bad.
Ellie: You didn't like that
Burnie: Right. So I think an important part in any
performance review is
especially as you get started is
figuring out
like what the expectations for the job were
versus what the job actually turned out to be
Ellie: Okay
Burnie: So what did you think this job is going to be?
Ellie: I thought it was going to be a lot of running around holding things for you
Burnie: Okay
Ellie: And...
Oh a lot of complicated calendar arranging
Burnie: So have I been a good boss at making you run around in hold thing so far?
Ellie: I feel like I've done a good job running around holding things
Burnie: You've held cameras
Burnie: you've held drones Ellie: have held cameras
Ellie: You haven't need me to run around as much as I thought I would be
Burnie: Oh, really. What did you think it would be like?
Just trying to track me down all the time
Ellie: Well I went out for lunch with a few people
before I start the job to get some advice
on Burnie wrangling
Burnie: Right
Ellie: Most people said that if you answered your phone.
which is rarely *scoff/laugh*
It's very hard to find out where you are
Burnie: And who said that
*Ellie laughs*
Burnie: Who is the person who said that about me?
Ellie: I dunno, just a well loved Roostertooth person
Burnie: There we go, a very
a very beloved employee at the company
Well, I think you have done a very good job
Ellie: well thanks
Burnie: in the first order of being assistant/producer
there is an aspect though to the job though that we didn't really discuss when you took it which I
want to talk about today
Ellie: Okay
Burnie: I think the bodyguard aspect of the job
it needs improvement because I don't think like when people see us
I don't think they think of you as my bodyguard like as an intimidating
Ellie: Right
Burnie: like presence
Ellie: Just like wearing all black, sunglasses kind of thing
Burnie: Just bulk up
Ellie: Get get swole
*Both chuckle*
Burnie: Yeah, just you know maybe lift some weights
Ellie: Uh-huh Burnie: Hit the gym, ya know, just for mass shoulders that kind
Ellie: Kay, more shoulders
Burnie: And heres something else I realized
when we were in the terrible hotels that you booked for us in Los Angeles
Thank you for that
I realized that since you're my assistant
you travel with me pretty much everywhere
Ellie: Yeah
Burnie: So statistically you are the person who is
most likely to be right next to me in the event of an apocalypse
Ellie: ..Okay?
Burnie: Like a nuclear apocalypse
with war with North Korea
Pathogen Outbreak
Ellie: Emp signal
Burnie: Emp signal
Ellie: Mass crop failure
Burnie: We could be here all day naming apocalypses Ellie: Right
*Small laugh from Ellie*
Burnie: So what skills do you have in a post-apocalyptic world,
that we can use to survive?
I don't think we covered that in the initial interview
Ellie: No, I don't remember that we did
Ellie: Um, I'm pretty fast!
Burnie: You're fast?
Ellie: Yeah, I'm a good runner!
Burnie: Good, that's handy
Ellie:Um...
I'm pretty strong pretty strong
Burnie: Pretty strong
Ellie: Could be stronger
Burnie: Bulk up a little bit Ellie: Yeah more shoulders
Ellie: I'm a good climber
Burnie: You can climb
Ellie: Yeah
Burnie: So if we need a get anywhere it sounds like
you'll go somewhere, and i'll follow
Ellie: So, I would be a good scout
Burnie: A scout
Ellie: I uh, I took archery. In-
Burnie: Is that true? Ellie: That is true
Burnie: So you can arch
Ellie: I can... i can arch?
Burnie: Can you...
Okay, since we're on the topic of website, i have a list of skills here
we could go over and you can tell me-
Ellie: it was a long time ago Burnie: what that you have and don't have so-
Ellie: Okay Burnie: So it sounds like you have
weapon skills with bows.
Ellie: Yea Burnie: That's good Ellie: Uh-huh
Burnie: what about weapons, guns?
Ellie: No guns
Burine: No? Ellie: No, British.
Burnie: Blunt weapons?
Clubs?
Ellie: I co-
Burnie: Flails
Ellie: I could probably wield club
Burine: It doesn't sound like you have experience with
Ellie: I don't have experience with
Oh, I did once um, I went for it once with a frying pan
because I thought there was an intruder in the house but it was my sister
but I didn't, so I didn't no forced trauma but I was there, I was ready
good reactions
Burnie: good reactions both in going after your sister with a frying pan
but then also not hitting her
Ellie: Exactly
Burnie: Once you realised it was your sister.
What about swords? Edged weapons? Blades of any kind?
Ellie: No
Burnie: Got some work to do
polearms you're from the uk those are huge there
Ellie: Polearms?
Burnie: Like the big, big poles and the-
Ellie: As in the timber thing?
Burnie: No just like a big pole and a blade
Ellie: No
Burnie: None?
Ellie: No never
Burnie: That's president
Ellie: Okay
Burnie: So far we have just those
Ellie: Just those yeah?
Burnie: So lightning round
Let's just go through some of these you tell me what you've got farming skills any kind of agriculture at all?
Ellie: Oh I can grow herbs
Burnie: Oh really so like a medical I have that on here I have herb growing.
Well, okay mints not very medicinal but can you grow other herbs this again? Okay?
Soybeans like anything that can sustain us yeah. Yeah, you say yes. Yes, but not time yeah
Could use a refresher
Yes, no, no offense. Well the first aid medical skills on now
I do need to do best ankle well a fire starter key shot a fire would like to stand you can do that
Oh, it's big. Yeah, well, what was mattress?
That's kind of skill and quarter player in there - fire and skill
Like notice up small obey and will like the types of clients esse on a big Papa
Uh-huh can cook any pointed what about hunting animals and cleaning them no experience probably pretty good at it
Just a speculation yeah see myself doing you did a thing we like to pick him up and cut them. Yeah, okay?
We can write me out. Well. You know you'll be doing to survive so engineering
construction
I did once we that thing where you have to put make a
Construction piece or hang out a window and have some a little break we will not be doing that during a flowers that I know
I'm not suggesting with you play. The egg game with this thing that my structure looks successful. Look sanitation experience like digging ditches
Running a latrine. Nah, okay
What doesn't look right so then the weapons section knows brees have guns?
I have a moral like a
Avoidances good. They gave me that the creeps
But I'd be interested in seeing if I could do I think I'd be ready to sign that shall
We solid like stealth class lime you're in long range
Yeah, I need someone
Who's like between me and whatever the danger is I feel like that support vehicle repair change out on the column okay?
Listen no
Electronics you repair of like what trying to make them yeah, just like we made signs kids
I need to make racket some things stuff like not just coming you can make a circuit. Yeah
Anybody go out to pick them up there we go
Lancer important, and there's no power, okay billet blacksmithing, ooh
right
Decide no that's entire crime isn't that part of your education in the uk don't you guys like lightning?
Forging and stuff can you pilot a helicopter?
Well fishing can you fish I catfish you can fish yes
What's the biggest fishing difficult a whole red Snapper in your news really?
What about skills with interrogation? I live in his build an interrogation. I would say limited
I think what do you know how to ask questions? I was in Elementary school um
What were you interrogating to be able to sit along children really?
Well yes again, the little I've seen is missing an astronaut, and we didn't that's a mystery
I think I read about that in the paper
Thank you, whistle cool. Don't find time to be agents
Not some news it is I think it might be thinking something else, but yes, we're on martial Arts skills martial Arts Karate
I did like three lessons of Kickboxing kickboxing
Yeah to know karate
Welcome to know judo. I can crop my God come on, okay?
Yeah, you could do you want to learn Krav Maga from a TV show I have no kickboxing experience, so it's good
It's good when people with complementary skills. Yeah on an apocalypse team
I wanted a self-defense class where you have to like grab them on the signal over over all the forms of you. Yeah like
Right here going up to here want to get higher. Okay, remember that next level right?
So you're going to have to I think I think you should learn some of these skills any kind of?
Crafting and engineering that's where our deficits are right
This is just my managerial experience being expressed here, so my next performance review
He doesn't want to see some dangly various it. Yes, what is he dangerous?
I think why they got overall not bad
I don't think you'd be very much help in a fight
What kind of guy well anything that doesn't require more than three hours of kickboxing experience? I think yeah, I would say
Solid B-plus okay see tough Demon good accurate yeah
I guess I gave myself a pub you resolve our higher marks on the Ruler have I heard loss
What am I going to migrate? I would give you like an a-line. That's good
Ellie: Yeah
Burnie: It's important that the boss has a higher grade...
Ellie: Yeah
Burnie: ...Than the employee.
Burnie: This list is entirely made of my deficiencies
Ellie: Right
Burnie: So, these are areas where I need help
Ellie: You can be like writing movies and I'll just be like knocking people down who're trying to kill you
Burnie: That's exactly right.
Burnie: So when the apocalypse gets to the point where we get back to writing and producing videos for the internet, when we get back to that point I will be a huge help.
Ellie: I'm going to look like Brienne of Tarth by that point.
Burnie: You will. Alright, shall we get started?
Ellie: Sure, what's first?
Burnie: You're going to go learn how to blacksmith, you're going to learn how to make a sword.
Ellie: Smithing's first?
Burnie: Smithing is first
Ellie: Yes!
Burnie: You've got to start with the older technologies first and work your way up. You can't start with a Helicopter.
Ellie: That's true
Burnie: You've got to start with... you know
Ellie: And I think in like... For an apocalypse we'd need a weapon first. Burnie: Yes
Burnie: You can specialise in what ever weapon you'd like.
Burnie: Alright, well that does it. Get out.
Ellie: Oh Burnie: We're good
Ellie: Okay
Burnie: Bye Ellie: Bye
Burnie: Can I get a coffee?
Ellie: Yeah, sure.
Burnie: Thank you
Ellie: What kind of coffee?
Burnie: Just black.
Ellie: Okay
*Door Closes*
Burnie: She's not going to last very long.