Whooa! Everything's backwards!
I don't remember it being like this last time.
Mandela effect.
Hey guys!
Welcome to today's video. I hope that you guys have had an amazing week so far.
I'm really excited to be covering this week's topic.
This video specifically is a follow-up
from my last mental health video.
But before we jump into it, I have a couple housekeeping things I need to take care of.
I shouldn't even call them "housekeeping" - I'm looking down on my notebook -
'cause they're all actually quite exciting!
First things first, I wanna congratulate
the raffle winners for this month and last month Patreon raffle:
Laura and Paul, congratulations!
Your "I Don't Bi It merch is on the way.
And in that same breath, I also wanted to announce
that I have a very exciting prize for this month's raffle:
I'm going to be giving away a set of meditation cushions,
along with one of my favourite mindfulness books -
"Mindfulness for Beginners" by Jon Kabat-Zinn -
and some guided meditations also by Jon Kabat-Zinn.
Basically, it's a meditation starter kit.
This "kit" that I'm creating
is gonna be valued at over $200
and even though I am going to be paying for this out of pocket,
I wanted to do something exciting for you guys for the raffle this month.
And I thought "what better to give away than
all of the things you need to get started on a regular meditation practice".
If that is something that interests you, the giveaway is happening on my Patreon.
It is only $1 to enter the raffle.
Any level of patronage on my Patreon
automatically enters you into the giveaway each month.
And if that sounds like something you'd be interested in, the link is in the description.
Next thing on my list of announcements is-
it is incredibly exciting for me
and I hope for you as well.
If any of you live in the Vancouver area and are interested in taking an
8-week Mindful Self-Compassion course, taught by yours truly,
that is happening next month.
Our first Vancouver Mindful Self-Compassion course is starting end of April.
We're running it every Tuesday from 6 till 9 pm,
right here in downtown Vancouver.
This course changed my life.
You guys know, if you've seen
any of my mental health videos, if you've heard me talk about my mental health journey at all.
When I took MSC for the first time, it absolutely changed my world
and I am thrilled and I am honoured to be able to bring that course to you guys.
The link to Vancouver Mindful Self-Compassion is in the description, if you want more information
or if you wanna register. Okay.
Oh my God.
After- after the most housekeeping of all time,
let's get into the video.
Today I wanna talk about something called "backdraft".
Now, backdraft is a topic that I'm taking directly from MSC,
from Mindful Self-Compassion.
So, huge thank you to Christopher Germer and Kristin Neff for this beautiful program.
In last month positive psychology video,
I talked about soothing touch
and I received comments from people saying that when they did
touch themselves
- not like that, stop it! -,
that when they did place their hands over their heart
or on their arms or on their face,
they burst into tears or felt one or another overwhelming emotion.
And I feel like I should have warned you guys that that might happen.
This is a very common response to
offering yourself kindness for the first time
or for the 50th time or for the 500th time.
Self-compassion, self-kindness..
these are things that are supposed to make us feel good.
Right?
So, why is it that sometimes if I place my hands over my heart or I offer myself
the wish to be safe,
why is it that sometimes it makes me feel bad?
Well, there is a couple of reasons and the first of these is simple perception.
We need contrast to understand anything.
We only know what light is because we know what dark is.
We know good, we know this good feeling because we know bad.
The mind automatically, naturally
pulls up the opposite of what you're saying.
And then the other reason and this is the reason that speaks most clearly to me is
our relationships and experiences from the past.
For example, when we place our hands over our hearts
in kindness and in offering of safety and kindness to ourselves,
we're then likely to remember
or re-experience all the times that we didn't feel safe,
all the times that we weren't treated with kindness and understanding.
"When we give ourselves unconditional love,
we discover the conditions in which we were unloved".
And this is what we call "backdraft".
Backdraft is a term taking from firefighting.
When there's a room in a burning house and the door is shut and it's deprived of oxygen,
when you open that door
and the oxygen rushes in,
the flames explode back out.
A similar effect occurs when we practice self-compassion.
When we, when our hearts are full of suffering
- whether it's self-hatred or self-doubt -
and we open the door of our heart
and let some kindness in,
it can result in all of those difficult emotions exploding out to the surface.
It's like when someone says something nice to you or get to you a compliment
and your immediate instinct is to shut them down and tell them every reason why they're wrong,
instead of just saying "thank you" and accepting the kind words.
We hear something nice about ourselves and we immediately think of
every single time that that thing was not true.
"Oh, you think that I look nice today?
Well, you should see me when my hair is a mess and when I just wake up in the morning
and when I'm not wearing any make-up".
Instead of just thanking the person for the compliment,
re-experiencing every single time I didn't feel pretty.
But really in the end, backdraft is a part of the healing process.
So, what can you do when backdraft occurs?
If you're feeling only a little bit of discomfort, mildly distressed,
try to continue with the practice and try to allow the feelings to linger in the background.
Allow them to be there, hold them, don't resist them.
But if you are feeling very emotionally stimulated,
too emotionally stimulated,
return to a mindfulness practice.
I always think of mindfulness as a cooling practice, kind of a bringing-down
and self-compassion as a warming practice, a lifting-up.
So, if you're experiencing some backdraft,
you can label it - say "oh, this is backdraft" -,
find the strongest emotion and label that also - for example, "oh,
this feeling is grief" -,
then explore where the emotion physically resides in your body
- does it reside as nausea in your stomach, as a tightness in your throat? -
and then lastly,
redirect yourself to the breath or another mindfulness practice in the body.
As long as you're purposefully directing your attention,
you're doing it.
Just try to remember that it's not the backdraft itself that's the problem,
but it's the resistence to the difficult emotions that are arising.
Just let them be there,
hold yourself with kindness and you can heal.
That's everything that I wanted to discuss in this video in regards to backdraft.
If you would like to dive deeper into this practice,
the meditation for Patreon this month is a self-compassion break.
This is a self-compassion practice
- whether formal or informal - that can be done
throughout the day.
It's a great practice all the time. Honestly, self-compassion break is one of my most used meditations.
So I'm excited to be sharing it with you guys this month over on my Patreon.
That is it for this video. I hope that you guys enjoyed it.
What?
Want to put your pawn on my face?
If you did, please give it a thumbs up.
Everything that I talked about is linked in the description: it's gonna be a full one.
I love you very much and I will see you guys next week.
Bye!
And the last piece of housekeeping, the last thing that I wanna mention
is a service that I've recently discovered called BetterHelp.
They reached out to me and asked me if I wanted to try their service.
BetterHelp provides therapy, provides counseling online.
And the thing that caught my attention about this
and the reason that I want to share this with you
is their prices.
To have a session with an in-person counselor - face-to-face -
can be anywhere from $150 to $250/$300 an hour.
And for so many people - myself included -
that is just not affordable, it's just not possible.
But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have access to counseling.
BetterHelp has pricing anywhere from like $35 a week
to $70 a week depending on the package you choose.
But better than that, they have a 7-day free trial option.
So, you can sign up using the link in the description
and you can try the service for free and I did.
I talked to multiple counselors 'cause I really wanted to get a feel for the website,
to see if it was something that I wanted to include in my videos
and I've discovered that it really is.
In the interest of full disclosure - because I'm always completely honest with you guys -,
the link is a type of affiliate link:
like I said, I don't make any money if you guys sign up,
but if you decide to continue with the service,
after your 7-day trial, that's when I'm also compensated.
Just so you know.
I think it's a really great service. I think it's really important.
And it's gonna be something I'm gonna have linked in my descriptions probably from now on.