As tensions rise between America and Iran,
there's a lot of so-called experts
trying to make sense of this chaotic moment.
But if you want a clear, informed analysis,
then you have to turn to more reliable journalists:
the Daily Show news team.
Joining us by satellite, please welcome Michael Kosta,
Roy Wood Jr. and Desi Lydic, everybody.
(cheering and applause)
Let's, uh, let's start with Desi,
who's actually in Iran right now.
Desi, President Trump says he wants peace,
yet his attack on General Soleimani
clearly escalates the likelihood of a conflict.
How does that make sense?
Uh, Trevor, it makes perfect sense.
If you want to reduce tension with a country,
you kill their top general
and threaten their entire way of life as they know it.
Boom. Situation deescalated.
Uh, Desi, that doesn't make sense.
-How does it deescalate things? -Uh, all right.
Okay, it's like if some woman wanted to fight you in a bar.
You have to stay calm, pour your drink on that bitch
and kiss her husband on the tongue.
Situation deescalated.
(laughter and applause)
I-I don't think that's right, Desi.
I mean, if-if someone kissed your husband...
Who the (bleep) kissed my husband, huh?
Tell me. I will hit them back so hard
without thinking it over for one second.
NOAH: Well, this is what I'm talking about.
Iran has vowed to get revenge
for the killing of General Soleimani.
So if they retaliate, what happens next?
Well, then we deescalate even harder
until all life itself has been deescalated from this planet,
especially that bitch who kissed my husband.
-Was it Carol? -It-It's... It's not...
Let's move on. Let's move on to Roy Wood Jr.,
who's at the White House right now.
Roy, please help us understand the timing around the attack,
because officials are saying
Soleimani was both a long-term target,
and he's also an imminent threat.
So why now?
Trevor, you are blind,
and not in the cool Stevie Wonder kind of way.
This isn't about Iran.
This is a classic diversionary tactic
where a leader goes to war
in order to distract the population from domestic strife.
Because, remember, there's another big problem
Trump wants everyone to forget about back home.
Oh, of course. His impeachment.
No, (bleep), that movie Cats.
Have you seen this shit?
It was an international embarrassment,
the likes from which this country may never recover.
They all had human hands.
All the cats had human hands, and some of them cats was sexy.
I didn't even want them to be sexy.
I got a cat at the house,
and now I can't look him in the eyes.
His paws are so soft. They're just...
-Mm! -Roy, Roy, Roy.
I don't think Cats is such a disaster
that Trump would start a war over it.
Oh, really?
Look what they did to my boy Idris Elba.
(laughter)
He was supposed to be the next James Bond.
Now he's a cat pimp.
And why's he wearing a fur coat? He's a cat.
-He's already got fur, Trevor. -O-Okay, Roy.
You're obviously going through your own crisis.
Let's move on to Michael Kosta, who's in Iraq right now.
Michael, this feels reminiscent
of the Iraq War, right?
Going into Iran feels like a similar move.
-Bad leadership, no exit strategy. -Mm-hmm.
What do you think about a potential war with Iran?
Trevor, it's a great idea.
And let me tell you about America.
Americans have great ideas.
Like, for example, just now my phone charger snapped off
into this electrical outlet.
You as a South African
would probably just buy another phone charger,
but me as an American?
I came up with a great idea.
I'm gonna get it out with these metal tweezers.
M-Michael, that-that sounds like a really bad idea.
You don't tell me what's a bad...
Oh, shit! Goddamn it! Aah!
Anyway, Trevor,
the-the war with Iran couldn't be easier.
We go in, we're greeted as liberators,
and we all get free oil for life.
Oh, shit in a Waffle House! God!
Kosta, Kosta, Kosta, are-are you sure?
I mean, the last time
America's military got involved in that region,
it was one of the greatest mistakes in modern U.S. history.
Well, Trevor, we're a country
that learns from its mistakes.
Aah! Piss in an IHOP!
Man, that's hurting!
But the point is we're not gonna fall into the same trap, okay?
We're just too smart for that.
Oh, in a Cheesecake Factory!
-NOAH: I-I'm sorry, I... -LYDIC: I'm sorry.
Can I just get us back on track here?
Yes. Desi, thank you so much. Some logic, please.
Look, I think we're missing
what's at the heart of this issue.
The real question is
who's the bitch who kissed my husband?!
You know what, we're out of time.
Desi Lydic, Roy Wood Jr., Michael Kosta, everybody!