good morning guys it is a different type of video today it's a video explaining
where i've been why i haven't uploaded a video in maybe five weeks or more i i'm not exactly sure
but yeah i just want to take you along some of my day to day and explain what's been going on
before i dive into all of that though what are we doing today well i'm on a walk every day for the
past six weeks i've been taking a four mile walk all the way to starbucks to get a drink and that
has helped me get back into moving my body it's helped clear my mind it's i don't know it's got me
back into exercising and feeling good and because i kind of had to take a mental health break from
the youtube channel and so this is what i've been doing i've been focusing on me i've been focusing
on getting my body my soul my mind in a good spot and this is part of it every morning i take a walk
and i don't put any pressure on myself i just tell myself i'm gonna walk all the way down the
street to starbucks which it's two miles from here so it's two miles there and two miles back and i
get a drink my drink of choice is an iced coffee with a splash of almond milk and two splendas
and so that's what i do every single morning i walk to starbucks and get a coffee and then i walk
home and it has made such a difference so what i have found to help me so much on these walks
is listening to books audiobooks oh my gosh i almost dated myself and said books on tape
audiobooks so i listened to a good uplifting audiobook
um right now i'm listening to it's called it's a priscilla shirer dr tony evans book
divine disruptions that has been an amazing book i'm listening to that i catch up on all my marco
polos with family members it's just a great way to start the day if you're type nine like me
this is what i found works and if you if you're a type nine or any other type let me know what
works for you i'm always looking for new ideas new audio books anything like that put them down below
oh my goodness it is so hot out here holy moly i'm sweating so bad i've made it to starbucks and
i just realized i didn't order my starbucks yet so usually about five minutes before i get here
i get on the starbucks app and i quick order my drinks it's so hot
in my hair we got some crazy hair going on who cares
okay coffee is ordered i'm just gonna stand out here and wait but okay let me just show you
how cute is the starbucks location
it's so cute right okay so let's get back to the reason why i'm even doing this video today
one i definitely want to do a little bit more vlog styles in the future and so we're trying
this out guys and two here's what i want to cover today i want to talk about mental health i want
to talk about comparison i want to talk about just feeling tired and worn out and not able to
do maybe what you know you're called to do that's kind of what we're gonna flush out together today
where i've been for the past five weeks what i've been focusing on i haven't fully like stepped away
from this channel um my enneagram instagram channel is still you know going and trucking
along but then also there's things that go on in the world that sometimes just throw me for a loop
and it's hard to show up and so that's what i've been struggling through
all those things and so i want to kind of break down each one of them and discuss it a little bit
but first i'm gonna go get my coffee i'm gonna go back home because i think it's way too loud
and too hot to fully discuss those on this walk once we get back to the house we're gonna dive in
guys i literally walked in there grabbed my drink
walked out this mobile ordering thing is the best see you at the house
okay guys i did it i am almost at my house ah drink is almost gone sweat is pouring down the
face it's like 85 degrees maybe that doesn't seem very hot to you but for some reason it's
very hot to me it's gonna get like 113 here today so yeah arizona living at its best
oh my gosh sweat is getting in my eyeball but i'm gonna go clean up and i'll see you guys soon
oh i forgot who thinks it's their turn for a walk is it your turn for a walk
i have to take him now because the ground's gonna get way too hot for his paws
and so i take him before eight o'clock in the morning so that he doesn't burn his feet
okay here we go let's make sure i'm in the frame let's get you guys nice and centered so how i like
this yeah i think so i think back here would be the best um okay so i wrote down some things that
i want to go over with you guys i'm back i look a little more decent i didn't want to get too ready
though because i'm jumping in the pool later and my girlfriend's coming over and we're going to go
swimming since it is going to be so hot today my pool is at 90 degrees guys it's perfect i
know people would probably say no i would want it cooler i don't i love when it's hot outside and
the pool is about 90 degrees it's the perfect temp so but i digress i've written some things down
where have i been the last new youtube video that i put out was around seven weeks ago yeah
but truth be told i had been putting out videos for the last few years pretty consistently
i have taken breaks here and there but i'm pretty i've been trying to be pretty consistent
and i think i kind of sort of burnt myself out um but there were some things that led up to
why that happened i kind of lost what i need to be inspired like i need to be inspired
i need to know that these are making a difference and i think i kind of started
to go down this like comparison lane i started comparing myself with other people in my same lane
and i just felt why why even be in that lane maybe you know i'd compare numbers and think
well i'm not doing as well so why even show up like these are some of the toxic thoughts
that i was having in the youtube world and so it got harder and harder just to show up and be me
and i think that's just what happens when we start to go down that toxic line of thought of comparing
ourselves or we just all of a sudden we don't feel like we're as good as the other person or whatever
and we compare you know like i was thinking that maybe i need to be funny i'm not really funny
right i'm really not i'm not that funny i'm a type nine guys like it's just hard for me to
do that but you know those were some of the thoughts that i was having
or maybe i needed to be more educational and not as educational and different things and so yeah
i i just want to be really raw and honest with you guys and say yeah i was comparing myself
to people in my same lane and i just kept coming up short in my own head
has it ever happened to you i have to imagine it has and my goal today is maybe me opening
up and being honest with you will help you feel not alone because it happens to all of us and so
what did i do how did i get out of that comparison toxic thought pattern that i was in well
i had to go back and and remember why i started youtube why did i start teaching
why did i turn on a camera get in front of you guys and teach you all about the enneagram
i had to re-remember my why and my why is so that you guys understand and learn about yourself so
that you you feel seen you feel heard you feel understood you feel okay in your own
body i wanted to help others fully embrace who they were made to be and stop trying to
be somebody else because so many times in my line of work i would hear well i'm a type this but i
wish i was this type and i wanted to help people understand that that's that's not healthy that's
not good and i want you to learn about yourself and why you are the way you are and why you were
made the way you are and what makes you special what makes you unique and what there's only one
of you in this whole entire world and so my goal is always to help you show up to your own life
but i had to coach myself with those same exact words because as much as i can coach
and show up for you guys and you know all of that i found myself realizing like hillary you're not
even listening to what you're teaching you're not realizing that same thing that there's only one of
you and that others need you to show up to your space and so that's what helped me break out of
the comparison box the comparison box that i was putting myself in and realized like you know what
there's only one of me and i want to show up and just be me and be exactly like this right and on
that walk and i was hot and sweaty and this is who i am i'm a enneagram type nine with a wing eight
formerly one wing that's another story for another day but yeah this is who i am and i want to show
up to the space so that you guys feel seen and you feel loved and you feel heard and you understand
that your lane is the only lane you should be in just like i needed to learn that same exact lesson
so that's kind of what happened um in a nutshell and then i realized the thoughts
and the behaviors that i was exhibiting you know wasn't healthy for me wasn't healthy
for my mental state and so i realized i'm going to pull back and i'm going to re you know find myself
find all those things i was saying and re remember how you say it re-remember who who i am and so
that's what i did i just pulled away and it's okay i honestly wasn't afraid of pulling away from this
space um there's plenty of videos out there for you guys so that you know you were still watching
them you were still commenting i felt like you still were getting what you needed while i stepped
away and just kind of poured into myself a little bit and focused on myself and like i said taking
these walks every day and listening to audio books and just really investing and pouring back into
myself which is just as important for you guys to do as it is for me to do and so that's where i've
been and that's what happened it's a little bit of you know getting my mental health back in a really
good place it's realizing that comparison what did they say comparison is the thief of joy that's
exactly what happened and realizing that i'm in my lane everyone else is in their lane and we
just need to cheer each other on and i honestly can say i never stopped cheering others on as
much as i compared myself i still cheered them on and i still want everybody in my lane to do
great because if they do great that means you guys are doing better that means you guys are getting
fed that means you guys are getting what you need and so i do think that we need to always uplift
each other cheerleading each other on um and just make sure we're doing that sometimes when i i
will say sometimes when i in the past i've gotten into this uh space i have made myself reach out to
somebody in my own lane and cheer them on because it's you know i'm like no i am not gonna let
comparison win i'm not gonna let it steal my own joy and i'm gonna keep cheering other people on
too that's a little bit of where i've been and what's been going on and i hope this helped you
guys today i hope this helped you feel like if you're going through the same season it's okay
this is an okay season to go through and it's okay if you're not okay just like it was okay
that i wasn't okay and it was okay for me to step away from this space for a a period of time i just
had to realize that in order for me to really show up and be who i'm meant to be i have to
make sure that my tank is full if that makes sense you know um too i released myself at the beginning
from feeling guilty and feeling like oh i can't i gotta keep showing up because i don't think it's
always great if we keep showing up from an empty place so that's what happened that's why i went
dark are we gonna call this my dark period no we're not truthfully i just want to call it
my quiet season it's my season where i was like okay time to refocus you know reinvest in myself
and get back on track and all of those good things and there was no time period for me
like i didn't say like okay i'm gonna take five weeks off i said okay i'm pulling back
we'll see what happens because i wanted it to be an honest pullback and honest like look at
myself what's going on what are you struggling with because at the beginning i didn't know what
i'm struggling with at the beginning i was just feeling burned out and i didn't understand why
now i understand why because of the things i was doing so and i actually i want to pull something
up on my phone somebody posted on uh my youtube channel the other day and they have no idea but
this helped me so much i'm not going to read the entire thing the entire comment really
really hit right here and made such a difference i'm just going to read the bottom part of this
really long comment um but i just want to let you know if this is your comment you made a difference
for me that day but at the very bottom this person wrote thanks for taking the
time to make all of these videos and share your knowledge with us god bless you and i was like
and the whole thing it says so much good stuff but i just was like thank you thank you for taking
the time to tell me that because sometimes we need that too right so if you've ever left me a comment
like that i just want to take the time right now to say thank you it makes a difference and
i don't know this comment just really is what i needed during that day again it was
really cool long comment um let me see what video oh i don't know what video it was on
but it was great but thank you guys for showing up thank you for you know
watching my channel and i just pray and hope that it makes such a difference in your life
and that is all i have for today i think this video is way too long
but oh let me tell you what's coming up because i really have found my groove again and like i'm
excited to make videos again and while i'm still gonna i'm gonna do vlog style videos like this
because these really do give me life and i really love them i have another youtube channel um called
van caskeys where my husband and i we have um a tolaro claspy van and it's just a vlog and i
i've really felt fell in love with vlogging and so if you want to go give that a watch i'll link that
right here but anyway so i love this vlog style teaching so i'm going to keep doing that but also
um what's coming ten signs on wings so i'm breaking all the wings down
and i'm gonna um give you like ten signs that you might be uh one wing two or nine wing eight or
four wing five or anything like that that is coming i'm very excited about that series
yeah there's just i've got a lot i wrote down it kind of like got me really excited to
be in front of the camera again and teach you guys but i'm gonna do a mixture i'm gonna do a vlog
mixture i'm gonna do a teaching mixture and that is what's coming your way my goal is one video a
week we're gonna try that so but that's all i have for today guys thanks so much for watching today
leave me a comment letting me know what this video meant to you and yeah until next time bye guys
you