Hello?
Do you like scary movies?
No, I'm more of a romantic comedy type person goodbye forever
There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie
Rule number one, have parents that care about you.
Mom. Dad. Can I go to a party?
I mean spend the night at a friend's house tonight?
Stupid child, you're not leaving this house.
There's a masked murderer on the loose.
You never let me do anything
Rule number two, don't date crazy a-holes.
Come on Syd,
I know someone just tried to kill you at all
But why won't you do it with me?
Because Billy I'm not a slut that just puts out all the time.
So...
You're saying you're not like your mom?
What?!
nothing? stabbed stabby stab?
rule number three,
If you are being attacked inside a house that is filled with people who are your friends
you should call out for their help
Help me!
I trapped in the garage with a killer!
Hey you,
Help me!
I trapped upstairs with a killer!
What? Let's get in.
Someone help me I'm trapped at school with the killer
Oh, men
Rule number four, if friends aren't available do more than just run.
If you knock the killer off his feet because he's running with ridiculous costume with terrible visibility
You have the upper hand don't keep running away
Take that sucker out,
kick him in the throat,
do something the dude is going to kill you
Whaaat?!
Rule number five, don't live where the police and investigative reporters are terrible at their jobs
Let's never ever ever ever ever break up ever ever ever ever
Which brings me to rule number six,
nine one one and star 69.
I have a question.
Yeah you in the hat
What do you do if the killer attacks you inside your dreams?
Well, that's something entirely different if that happens.
You're just...Oh, no
Oh, yes
RUN! Everybody Run!
Forget the rules, all you can do is RUN
You're mine now
We still gonna murder those treatments until it's time for us to murder each other
You said it
Hey guys, check out weird note tape
What you like a sponsor no, no, it's just this weird to these rocks we passed don't look or it takes you
Well, that's weird.
What do you think?
-It means... -It's approach to trick someone try to play on...Oh My Gosh
What is that?
Let's get out of here!
-What is that? -I don't know
We lost Marlowe
What's that?
Guys,
Hello?
Something really weird happened
Where are you you fall creep?
Come on, Ahhh!
I just wanted to hunt other children
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the victor of the 74th annual Hunger Games
Katniss Everdeen
What? Already? I made it?
Yeah! Alright!
This trial, I win!
What the...? What the heck just happened?
Oh, sorry, I forgot to tell you Slenderman gets you even if you win the game
dude
Sorry
HaHaHaHa
Slender games
No...!
Hiya, Georgie
Oh, nuts
Everline
What?
Over here, Everline
Who's at there?
Well, what's going on down here
Would you want to come down to find out?
Nope!
Come on, don't you wanna like take a
Turn it off!
I can't
Turn it off!
This is freaking me out!
Stop!!!
I got it.
That was a close one.
Magic, remember?
All right losers it's got Beverly trapped in this house
No, I know your first instinct is to stay here and let me go in all by myself
But what did I tell you?
Everyone sticks together
-That's right, we all stick together. Is everyone ready? -Ready.
I'm serious
Now I don't want to turn around and see you guys wandering off by yourselves
Everyone sticks together to fight the crazy shape-shifting clowns. Right?
-Right. -Let's do this.
I said we all stick together
Take him, I'll take all of you
Now feast on your flesh.
Yes, I feed on your fear.
So you like fear, huh?
-Then you're gonna love me. -Oh
no you
Batman? You are real?
I believe he's real
I'm real as you used thought
Maybe that's it
Quick, because there's something else that could help
Ninja Turtles
Haha, turtle powers!
I Hate Turtles
King Kong!
This gonna getting worse
not by our calculations
Well...
Step back kids, we'll catch him
We wouldn't want you to come back in 27 years and kill more people now that's for sure, right ha ha
all right kids, that'll be
$5,000
If you just leave us be now take him
You know what this is dumb I'll just take all of you right now
That was easy
We can just do that earlier
Congratulations
You are still alive
But before you go, I want to play another another game.
Another game?
I want to play monopoly.
What?
No, what about Scrabble?
Roboto do you like boggle?
I wanna go home
Forget boggle.
What about some Hungry Hungry Hippos?
Let me out of here
Okay, okay fine,
but let me ask you something else
How do you feel about sequence?
lots and lots of sequels
Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
This this is crazy.
I'm sorry. I have to shoot you to save my family
No, you don't
Maybe something's changed.
Maybe your wife broke free and is trying to call you on the phone right now
Oh
Phone?
Yes, remember the phone the phone you made bury the lever to reach before you con your own foot off.
Oh, that's right
Where is the phone?
It's not even there anymore.
It just disappeared.
It makes this scene
What happened to the phone?
How is this happening?
I have no idea!
This entire scenario is completely implausible.
I know, I was asleep underwater earlier
How am I not passed out from shock?
Who is responsible for all of this?
He's not dead.He's not dead.
You are not dead.
You're not dead.
Game Over
Well now he's dead
hey, that guy's my cancer patient
Nurse
Mm-hmm. You ain't Brad.
I need to know what happened
Tell me what's going on out there
Oh Lord, we got zombies can't you tell?
zombies
You mean like The Walking Dead?
Mm-hmm. Well, these don't walk so much as run or eat human flesh
But they are zombies
I guess
and they are tearing up the place
At least his armies are living alone
Everyone's sick in these hospitals.
We got enough problems to deal with in here.
Wait
What do you mean?
They're leaving sick people alone?
What do you think? I meant when I said they're leaving sick people alone
I need to use the phone. Do phones still work here?
Of course they do, baby
Whoa, so people who are sick or not being attacked
Mm-hmm, there should be like thousands of examples in America alone
Hmm. Okay. Thanks Rick
Okay, we figured it out false alarm Jerry
We do not need you anymore
So, all right good all non-essential personnel on to the chopper to be shipped back home
Where's Carville how did you get off the helicopter?
They offered you this city
And you refused it
-Are you our daddy? -We love you daddy
Don't touch that is still put your seatbelt on okay?
You're going to a pony farm by yourself
because I'm not your daddy
Bye!
I'm not your dad
Awesome
It sucks
Okay Katie, it's time to go I packed the car. Come on. Let's go. Let's just get out of here
Let's leave right now. Come on. It's time to go.
I think it's better if we stay
What? What are you talking about?
Come on, this is insane. Let's get out of here
Okay
Did you just speak in two voices at once no, yes you did. Oh my gosh, are you smiling?
Okay. Well you are clearly
Possessed and that is just way too much baggage for me to deal with so I'm out. All right
Okay. Goodbye forever
Did you see this?
Honey is literally floating
Oh my gosh, this footage is so revealing, uh
Stephanie we didn't look at for
-What are we gonna do? -I need to make a phone call
Channels that thing into another family member
I know
So I hate to do this but
-We're gonna have to break up -What?
Why?
Well your daughters like to hang out with this Toby demon that picks them up by the hair and throws them around
I also scratched my friend
I just I just I I just
Don't feel like this is gonna end well for me look we can all just go move in with my witch mom and her witch
Friends, there's even a twin bed we can share
Moving with your witch mom and demon befriending daughters when we've only been together a few months.
Yeah. That sounds great
I'll start packing up right now, OK?
Your imaginary friend maybe who's another man
Well, I'm not living in this place anymore
-The door swings both ways we could reverse the particle flow through the gate -How?
We'll cross the streams
Excuse me, Egon you said crossing the streams was bad.
Not necessarily. There's definitely a very slim chance we'll survive
-How slim -I don't know
-Slim -You said our molecules would explode at the speed of light.
It's a little beyond slim, Egon
Stop that.
Fine. We'll see the cross the streams or die by Ray's marshmallow man.
I love this plan. I'm excited to be a part of it. Let's do it
And then all the Ghostbusters died
Apparently crossing the streams is very bad
back to you Chuck
Are you god?
Yes, oh
Okay, that's good, uh-huh well
We're all gods here
Come on down and we'll introduce you to everyone what a relief
I thought I was the only one left. You know, I've been living in this crazy
Hit the trap! Do it! Hit the trap!
Well, that was surprisingly easy, yeah good thing I said, yes
Anyone else hungry for marshmallows?
Oh, no. This means to me
Okay, you're kind of scaring me so I'm just gonna knock you out with this door Xena fell along with me and
Yeah, what kind of a point boy
You're hit. You're bleeding, man.
-I ain't got time to bleed. -Oh
Really? okay. Well tell that to the bleeding hole in your arm
Come on
No, leave it he didn't kill you because you were unarmed
There's no sport in it
Wait, if that thing's killing us cuz we're all armed and what the heck we're carrying all these guns for?
That is an excellent question
Quick! Everybody throw down your weapons
Oh
-No thx -Yeah, you keep it
Get to the chopper
You guys made it. You're safe now
You idiots,
Get off weapons on this chopper
Don't believe oh my god, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so
Sorry, I can't believe both of you dropped the cameras. I didn't mean to this is just great. Both cameras are broken
I can't look I can't even stop rolling this one. That was the last shot of the movie
Do you know what kind of budget we have for this film?
None, we can't replace the camera. Now. It's movies ruined. We were so close gah
Maybe you shouldn't have us carrying the cameras in the first place.
We're not camera crew, you know, we're actors
actors, huh?
Oh, you could have fooled me
All you were supposed to do is come down the stairs and show the scary witch right here to the right see right here
scary witch rah
It's only what the people have been waiting for this whole movie and now they can't see it
Why? Because you broke our equipment on the last shot of the day
I said, I'm sorry. It's dark down here
-I can't see -Yeah man.
And these steps are all old and dusty.
That's it. I don't care this movie sucks
You're both fired. Get out of here.
Hey, I'm directing this movie,
-Don't I get a say in this? -Shut up!
How you like that?
What is all this stuff some kind of secreted resin
Nobody touch nothing
Hey, maybe it's a precious unobtainable mineral that's gonna save the earth from an energy crisis
Thing I've ever heard
What do you call it up your taenia?
Okay, looks like we've escaped let's just assume everything is safe and step outside
Wait a second
This feels very familiar
If there's anything I've learned, it's that these things like to hide on the escape craft right at the end
How about we scan for movement before we just walk out of it? Yep. It's hiding in the landing gear.
Oh
Good call, who knows what could happen?
You're mostly dead now nicely
And there's the acid for blood.
Oh these things let's grab Hicks and get out here
Why would you do this reckless
I don't know.I'm sorry
Wesker you were behind all of this
You're just like all the other things here a slave to umbrella smart girl
I've always been with umbrella you son of the things you mentioned or nothing
behold
the ultimate life-form
Sir I don't know how to put this but
We couldn't finalize the t-virus project ding. It's Phillips. Why the heck not?
I'm in the middle of a monologue here.
We're simply over budgets sir
These are tough times and quite frankly. We've had to tighten the lab coat
I mean between the plant monster and the giant snake and the Sharks
Did we really need the zombie sharks?
Great. Whites aren't cheap.
Okay Wesker. No
Guys, please. Just give me a second.
Okay?
What about independent financing?
Hollywood loves zombies.
Right, they do
And some hotshot director named Anderson is interested in acquiring the rights to your life story
Paul Thomas Anderson? I love his work.
No...
Paul
WS Anderson
Mortal Kombat
Noooo
She'll use it use it
Use it!
Think we've saved the world enough for one day
Chris, I've always felt
I know
I'm just a lonely zombie
I'm just don't know in this hallway
We should I could eat some brains so break
I'm just too lonely though me
To still
me
Oh
Somebody tell me where are
Rage are they things of this way?
Just lonely sound
Okay, so we are
scientists and we believe we have been
invited to this planet to meet our creators
because of these cave drawings we found
You guys seen these movies?
They'll blow your mind
Oops. I mean I'm probably dead by now pay no attention to the old man asleep on the other side
of the ship
What the...
Okay, I know this is amazing, but we are professionals
So let's be extra careful
So that we can get all of the answers
Rose buds...
How did we get lost?
Didn't you bring the map equipment?
Oh my gosh, I forgot my maps
Haha, you're so stupid.
An alien winger snake
It's so beautifull
Uh, you put your finger on that drink
I'm not drinking that.
No way.
The claws!
David, make sure you do not say anything offensive to the engineer when he wakes
Of course, father.
Da moneh ma in a mortal terror boy far(This men slept with your wife)
(And your mother thinks Alien VS Predator is awesome)
Oh dear.
You guys are the worst team of scientists in the world
Why we even want to run into the shadow of this falling ship
I have no idea!
Well, hallelujah boys its rainin clowns in here
What is this?
Where am I?
Easier, clown man, you're friends
welcome to my villainous abode
What can I get you
You have any children flesh, nice to be human fear
We have some children of the corn
No, thank you,
Like ribbons? Yeah, lots of those.
No. It's just not the same
Why so glum my clown face Joan
You look like you got beaten up by a bunch of kids with baseball bats.
I did
Actually turns out kids are really violent.
Oh, I'm afraid children can be very evil
Isn't that right Damien?
-Urg Damien, -I don't understand what happened
I had all the kids scared and right where I wanted them
But then suddenly they were all great even completely stronger than me.
Why weren't they scared of you anymore?
I thought kids were terrified of Clawns.
I have no idea. I did my scary dance and everything
To do with it. That didn't scare you
I must be losing my touch.
Have you tried attacking them in their sleep?
Why if I not to be way easier ?
Then more of a daytime scare kind of guy?
Have you tried scary dolls? Dolls always work.
Well and until your personality gets too campy, then it starts to wear off
I build a whole room with brown dollars for this one kid
Puffed out and I was all gonna be big Ritchie.
-Have you wait him? -No, I just let him run away
Oh, come on
I don't know whether I should laugh or cry
Why are you even talking to the kid?
Because they taste better when they're scared
Sometimes not saying anything is so much more terrifying. Isn't that right, Michael?
And isn't that right Jason
Do you see what I mean?
If they use their real voice ,it would totally ruin the effect
Hey, that's not very nice
You still like Billy bit Lord.
I rest my case.
It shouldn't be this difficult for me, though
I can take the form of your greatest fear
Watch.
Please don't do that again.
And that is usually enough.
Ah, well, here's your real problem. You've got to follow through
Because now that you've heard old Palpatine's feelings over there, he's not gonna let you do that again
Go on, try.
Hey, see? There's always a breaking point
As fun as it is, you can't just keep playing with your targets
It's easy to get them scared at first,
but eventually, they're gonna get wise and turn the tables against you
Oh, heroes are so annoying
Yeah, I had a girl hit me with a sledgehammer, light me on fire
John Connar squished me in the middle press
I got stabbed with deer antlers
Tell me about it.
It happens every time.
Well, this sucks.
I know what that feels like.
I guess I'll just type or Nathan.
Oh don't despair, Pennywise
Even though you've got in your face beaten in by a bunch of little children, and it's totally embarrassing
There is one thing you horror monsters always have that gives you a second chance at revenge
And what's that?
The sequence
So many sequences. You don't even know what to do with them
Take him to Manhattan is not worth bragging about, Jason
I'm just a lonely creepers
Wishing I could sting some tea