We're going to do a top 10 countdown today. Anger management for dads? I did a
similar video anger management for moms months ago. Dads, after you watch this
short video, you're going to have a clear idea how to handle this.
The top 10 things that you can do is start with number 10. First understand
anger. What it is? Where it comes from? How it works? This puts you in a position of
power. I call this metacognition, okay?
Cognition is thinking. Metacognition is a higher level as thinking about thinking.
When you think about your own thinking, it creates a little space and in that
space is where choice exists. If you're feeling a lot of anger and you're not
thinking about your thinking, you don't have any choice in the matter. It's going
to continue. Here's the quick rundown on anger. There is a limbic system, that's a
part of your brain, response to threat. That response is what we call the
fight-or-flight response. You've felt this before haven't you? Where you get
just a little surge and there's chemicals involved, okay? You need to
understand that as well. This anger is your body reacting to a perceived threat.
Now, is it really a threat? Doesn't matter. As long as it's perceived it works. And
it kicks in these chemicals that have us go into the fight-or-flight response.
Anger is that fight-or-flight response. Understanding that helps you to do some
things about it. There's some things that you can do to calm your brain for
example and to get the chemicals to flush out of your system. So, understand
anger. What it is? What causes it? That's number 10. Coming
in at number 9, take care of yourself. This supports what we already know. If
you're into a fight-or-flight response, you have to be able to take care of
yourself physiologically. I'm talking really basic stuff like get enough sleep,
make sure you've got some exercise going on. Physical activity is an important way
to manage anger and stress. Eating a balanced diet, having regular time set
aside for prayer, meditation, consciousness,
self-awareness. Those kinds of things are how you take care of yourself.
Its enormously important when we're talking about anger management. And leads
us right into number 8, take care of the team. what team? Your team. You don't
have to do this alone. You've got people around you who can
support you and sometimes our anger comes from a feeling of frustration or
being overwhelmed. Can you relate to this? You're not alone. Take care of your team.
If you're married that means your spouse. If you're in an extended family
situation, it means your extended family. It means the people that you work with,
the people in your community. Its doctors and therapists and other counselors or
advisors that you bring on to your team. You've got this amazing team. I'm on your
team! Because you're here on the channel. So, you take care of your team because
that becomes the support that does 2 things for you.
Number 1, it provides resources that you can't come up with on your own. Oh,
that's pretty important" And number 2, it puts you in a position where
psychologically, you get to let go of some of the feelings of being
overwhelmed. Because you know that you've got this team around you. Take care of
the team. Now, let's go to number 7. Learn something about child development.
You'll notice in the title, this is anger management for dads. That means you
probably got some kids, right? What are these children? Who are they? How do they
operate? How do they think? What are they like? Most of the things that kids do are
typical for kids. But as adults we get to thinking in different terms. You know
like, "Well, they should know this or they should understand that." Really? Maybe not.
Developmentally, they may not be there yet. For you to learn some child
development helps you to have the kind of empathy and understanding
and less anger and frustration because this is just what kids do. I've had so
many dads asking, "Why is my kid doing that?" And I'm thinking, "Because he's a kid."
"Why is my teenager acting this way?" Probably because he's a teenager.
So, learn about that child development. What's typical? What's expected and
there's some other videos here on the channel. Especially on the positive
parenting playlist. You get into that, you're going to find all kinds of topics
that are going to help. So, learn some things about child development. That's number
7. Now, coming in at number 6. We're going to get psychological here, okay? So,
stay with me. Things are exactly as they should be. I said, psychological. That
sounds philosophical, right? And maybe that sounds like psychobabble BS to you
for just a minute. But stay with it for a second. For you to think that things are
not the way they should be. --"This isn't how it should be." Do you see what kind of
feelings that triggers? What if you were to think differently. "Oh, you know what?
this is exactly as it should be." Incidentally, that's one of the reasons I
gave you number 7. So, that you learn about child development and you learn
that what your kid is doing is exactly what kids that age do, right? This is
exactly as it should be. Now whether you agree with that
or believe that or not. Think about how you feel if you believe that. If you
really believe, "Yeah, things are exactly as they should be. Hmm." You feel
differently than you do if you're hanging on to that position that, "You
know, this isn't how it should be." Anger management? This one has to do with
attacking the very trigger of that anger. That thought that things are not the way
that they should be. Switch that up, you got a whole different game. And now we're
down to the top 5. So, let's take on number 5 next. Enjoy the journey. This
is an adventure. This is a journey, enjoy it. I believe that life is to be enjoyed.
It's not that you to tolerate and put up with and somehow
endure this time when you got these little kids running around. Enjoy the
journey. Find what it is in all of this chaos that is meaningful and powerful
for you. Why are you doing this in the first place,
you know? And I know everybody's got different answers for that. But check in
with your own answers for that. Why are you here? And if it's not to have
some joy then why did you get this family going in the first place, right?
Enjoy the journey. Now, as we move even higher on the list. Moving up to number
4, keep the perspective. Perspective is a
choice and you've probably heard forever that happiness is a choice, right? Which
can be totally irritating and annoying depending on who's saying it. But this is
why that is psychologically true. We get to choose our position. Now, we don't
always get to choose what happens. Sometimes the circumstances in our life
just happen. You've heard the phrase "It is what it is,
right?" That just annoy you sometimes. Depends on who's saying it and why. But
all it means is the way things are. Without changing anything, can we take
what it is and put ourselves in a positive perspective about it. For
example, when we say, "Oh, this isn't how it should be." You know, like we were talking
about just a minute ago. Well, really? Do you know? For sure? That things are not
the way they should be? Like you've got some cosmic connection to the grand
calendar of all things. This is, "No! This isn't now it should be." No. You don't know
that for sure. Well, do you know for sure that it is the way that it should be?
Like you've got that same cosmic connection to the grand plan. No. You
don't know. But you're taking a position about that. And it doesn't mean that your
position is right. As you turn on the metacognition, as you think about your
thinking and realize that you are taking a position.
We've all got just enough destructive pride to know that we're
right. Checking with that for a minute. It's not that we think we're right. We
know we're right. And that has us hanging on to our position almost jealously,
almost insistently that this is how it is. Well, you don't know. So, instead
of clinging to our position, our perspective, the way it exists, what if we
were to loosen up our grip on that just a little bit. Let go, back off, be open
rather than right. And then be open to a new perspective. That this is exactly as
it should be. That my life is good, that my kids are right on schedule. And so am
I. Wow! That's a game-changer ,folks. So, tune into that just see how that
resonates with you as a dad. Now, we're getting to the top 3. And these are
so powerful. Number 3 on our top 10 list today. Remember who they are. They
who? Your kids. Kids are interesting. Because it's not that they can become
people someday. They already are people. They are individuals with names and
personalities and ideas. Now, they're immature, sure. But they're already people
and children as they grow up become the next generation that's going to run the
whole show. And what is your kid going to do? I don't know. Be the president? Possibly.
Run the community? Run a company? Be a husband? Be a father? Be a mother? Be a
wife? Yeah. See these little kids are already people. And this is their
childhood. And we have a whole lot to do with how they're going to experience
this childhood. That's huge. When we keep that perspective and remember who they
are and why are you the dad? Well I don't know. Probably
because you showed up on earth before they did. What if you had been born this
year instead of 30 years ago? Well, then maybe somebody else would... You
see, I don't know. I don't know why. I get to be their dad. And I get to be their
son. There's people, there's generations on both sides of me. I just show up in
the middle of all of this. So, there's nothing special about you that makes you
the dad. And they are people too. And this is their childhood. Let that sink in just
enough that you can look at your children a little differently. You're not
here to tolerate them. You're here to be their dad. Remember who they are. You know
the other thing I want you to remember takes us to number 2 on our list. Coming
in at number 2 on our top 10 today, remember your job. By this I mean to love
them. Your job is to love them no matter what
and even if. Tuned in with that for just a second and see what kind of relief
that brings into your own heart and mind. If that's your job you can do that, can't
you? Notice that when you get frustrated,
irritated, annoyed, upset, angry. It's because you think your job is to make
sure that they whatever and they're not doing it. Do you see it? It's not your job.
If you think it's your job, you're fired. I'm taking you off of that job, I'm
putting you right back on your main job which is to love them no matter what and
even if. You can always do that. Even if they're making a mess or disobeying you.
You can still love them. Remember that's your job. Your primary job. You get back
to that. And the anger starts to fade away. That brings us right up to number
1. Remember who you are. Now, we've touched on this all along. I want you to
remember that you are their father. And it's not because you qualified or
applied for the job. It's because of whatever circumstances
led you to this point. You are their father. You're the only one they've got.
And I say that with an acknowledgement that there are other fathers that show
up in our lives. Sometimes there's a stepfather, sometimes there's a coach,
sometimes there's a mentor who comes and provides a fatherly figure. And you might
be filling some of those roles for kids too.
It's huge. That's important. You remember who you are. You are their father. And you
got to show up. You got to show up in a way that is honorable and courageous and
powerful and bold and humble and loving. I get out all kinds of other fun
adjectives to that. Remember who you are. I saw a video recently. A friend of mine
shared this with me. Where it gives that perspective. This has
a little bit of a spiritual touch to it as well. Which will reveal some things
about me and my beliefs in my faith. I would love to share that with you and
the card that you can click on right up here is going to link you to that video.
It's called earthly fathers, heavenly fathers and some parallels that are
there. But it helps me to have that perspective. To keep in mind who we are.
I'm so glad that you found this video, this channel. If you're new to our
channel, please click subscribe right here and we'll keep coming with some
good content.