(banging sound) - Oh, it's...
Oh, damn!
- [Claire] What?
What happened?
- I brought the wrong the screwdriver,
so, I'll be right back.
- All right, but hurry up, Phil.
- Doing my best, Claire.
- Oh, don't talk back, dad.
She'll just ground you.
- That's 32 weeks, young lady! (thudding sound)
I was 16 before, right?
("Modern Family" theme)
- What?!
- Nothing.
- Don't judge me until you've had a teenage girl.
- I've had four of 'em.
- God, how did you survive that?
- Girls were a piece of cake.
It was the boy.
Every look on his face.
Every stupid decision he made.
The way he sat there, chewing his food, like an idiot.
And then it hit me why this kid drove me so crazy.
He's me.
- Well, all the more reason she should listen to me.
I can stop her from making the same mistakes.
- Did you listen to your mother?
- No, God, no.
But, you know, I had a reason.
That woman was a psycho control freak.
(air whooshes)
Alex, wait.
- What?
- I wanna talk to you.
- Mom, I don't want another lecture.
- It's not a lecture.
I wanna tell you something.
Honey, I know exactly how you're feeling.
- No, you don't.
- Okay.
The joke that grandpa told tonight,
that, that happened,
that, that was true.
- So you were arrested naked?
- I wasn't naked and I was not arrested per se.
I was driven home one night by the police
because my boyfriend and I had gone swimming
in somebody's pool
and we didn't have bathing suits
and blah, blah, blah,
the details aren't important.
What matters is that everybody at school
was talking about it
and I thought I would die,
but it passed.
I swear.
(air whooshes)
- Hey.
- I wanna show you something.
- Let me guess.
It's a copy of "The Book Thief" that I begged you to read
but you wouldn't until your dental hygienist
said it changed her life.
- Remember this?
- Uh-huh.
- It's the first Thanksgiving I spent with your family.
- God, I hated that ponytail.
- I know, you said it made me look like a wimpy bouncer.
So I cut it off.
Just like I lost the feathered earring.
And the van with the bean bag chairs
and I changed my forestry major.
- I get it, Phil.
I get it.
I am the controlling witch
that made you give up everything fun in your life.
- No, no, you're the witch who saved me.
Look, look at this picture.
Now look at this guy.
You can't tell me your opinion doesn't matter.
You changed me for the better, in a hundred different ways.
Yeah, I might miss a book or a salad here and there,
but, I've got Claire all over me.
(air whooshes)
- Honey, I realize that this situation
is not an ideal for either one of you,
(knocking on car door)
but sometimes we just rise above things.
(knocking on car door) Yes?
- Excuse me.
Did you notice the curve here's painted yellow?
- No, I did not.
- Wow.
It means loading and unloading.
- Okay, well I was just dropping off my kids.
- And yet I see no kids emerging from the vehicle.
- Well, we were chatting.
- Wow.
- At the risk of surprising you a third time, officer,
I've been dropping off here for years that I've-
(bangs on car door) - Move it.
- Okay, you betcha.
- What was her problem?
Oh, you know what you should have said to her?
- Nothing.
I should have said nothing, what would be the point?
I have to see her every day.
I mean, why make it worse?
That's exactly what I'm talking about.
Awkward unpleasant situation.
Rise above.
Have a nice day.
Love you.
Buh-bye. (car door closes)
And yet I see no children emerging from the vehicle.
How would you like to see my fist emerging into your face?
Oh!
Now I think of it.
(air whooshes)
- It's all my fault.
Everything I touch turns to detention.
- I'm sorry, Mom.
- Me too.
(sighs)
- I don't really have a whole lot
of moral high ground to stand on.
I wasn't exactly my best self today, either.
All in all, not a great day for the Dunphys.
(dog barking) - Come on, dad.
Believe in yourself.
You're making the impossible, unimpossible.
(gasps)
- [Claire] Phil.
Oh, my God.
- Don't even bother he's in his zone.
He can't hear you.
- Go, dad!
- You got this.
(gentle music)
- [Claire] All week long,
I've been telling my girls how to act
instead of showing them.
But, not Phil.
Phil could have said,
"Alex, relax, don't take everything so seriously."
Or, "Haley, challenge yourself.
Don't give up so easily."
But instead of talking the talk,
Phil walked the walk.
And isn't that what we're supposed to do
for the people we love?
It's definitely a challenge,
but Phil made it look easy.
Seven feet off the ground.
- Whoa!
(screaming and cheering)
♪ Hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey ♪