- Hi, I'm John Cena.
It's time to get social once again through media
with another edition of Thirst Tweets.
(classical music)
Let's begin, shall we?
I want John Cena to choke me with his biceps, bye.
Well, my biceps don't have hands
and or a mechanism to cut off your circulation.
I could technically choke you with my elbow,
but a bicep would be extremely difficult.
John Cena just came on the TV
and it took all my energy not to lick the screen.
Well, there's been studies shown
that licking television screens
could possibly be hazardous to your heath.
I know the LED are low wattage emissions,
but don't let the clean picture fool you.
Licking the screen can cause long term damage
such as loss of eyesight and urge to lick screens.
Thank you ,Trainwreck movie,
for allowing me to see John Cena's butt
and a silhouette of his dick.
Thank you.
Well, here's the inside scoop on that.
Nowadays with wax prosthetics,
that actually wasn't my butt.
It was two Christmas hams painted in a flesh color.
Watching John Cena speak passionately about diversity
makes me want to let him crush me with his thighs.
Thighs are made for a lot of things.
Crushing human beings was not one.
I will stick to squats, thank you very much.
John Cena is hot as hell.
You could fry an egg on his ass.
I'd eat that egg too.
OK mom, crying smiley face emoji, crying smiley face emoji,
eyes closed surgical mask emoji, intense crying emoji.
Kat obviously is either seen me
in the great state of Arizona,
or does not have a pair of what we call human eyes.
I don't know if you could in fact fry an egg on my ass.
If that's possible, I'm a fan of eggs and a good breakfast.
Maybe we can make an over easy sort of eggs benedict.
Where would the hollandaise come from?
I think that's the question we need to be asking ourselves.
I just want John Cena to hold me close
and make me feel like I'm the only person
he cares about in the world,
with his penis.
Well, my penis is not the head of Medusa.
It can't hold onto people
and make them have emotional feelings.
Sit on my face and suffocate me at John Cena.
I would be wanted for murder.
Why would I wanna do that?
I'll try anything a few times,
but I can't go back to jail.
I want John Cena to pound me into the ground.
You would be part of the ground.
Like a gooey chalk substance,
you would no longer be around.
It would take massive amounts of surgeries
just to bring you back to what you would now
consider your normal life,
which would probably be being wheeled around places
to explain yourself, why you chose this path;
because I had John Cena pound me into the ground.
Could think of better things to do with my time.
I'd park my face on John Cena's abs.
Here's the going rate for that:
I don't charge on Sunday afternoons,
and weekdays you can park there free before 6:00 a.m,
but it is a tough spot to get
because traffic in the area's high.
They have since built some nice lofts,
there's a few nice food places,
and a cool bistro across the street.
So usually we accept credit cards
but parking can reach up to $50 a day, or $10 an hour.
Hope to see you there.
The bucket's empty, I'm no longer thirsty,
and neither are you if you've
hung in through this entire segment.
(classical music)