Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.
It's no secret that the Dr. Seuss films have had a bit of a checkered past.
Cat in the Hat: Dirty hoe!
Grinch: Kiss it, Whoville! Nyoiyoiyoiyoiyoiyoi!
Once-Ler: ♫ How ba-a-a-ad can I be? ♫
NC: Pretty goddamn bad, apparently.
But the one film that everyone agrees is
gooooooooooo...
the least bad is Horton Hears A Who.
Starring Jim Carrey and Steve Carell (because that worked so great before),
the film was based on the hit book that led to an underperforming box-office.
Overtime, though it's gotten the reputation as the closest thing to a good Dr. Seuss movie we ever got.
Well I'm here to ask: Is it really?
I mean, granted we all know Seuss needs more anime references, emo kids and...
...whatever the hell this is, but is it good enough to count as a decent movie or is it just...
ehhgh, the least painful?
Well, I think it's time to look over what was ironically overlooked; a film about being overlooked.
So let's look it over.
This is my review of Horton Hears a Who.
It starts off pretty enough with a colourful and creative environment,
as Jim Carrey - thank God not covered in makeup to look like the character at this time -
...is teaching a class of ugly about the various animals in the forest.
Horton: The leaf bug!
Horton: Noo, they're on me!! [screams]
[chaos]
Yeah...it's definitely movement your kid should like that.
Then a sour kangaroo - played by Carol Burnett - looks over the shenanigans Horton is causing.
Rudy: Why can't I play with the other kids mom?
Kangaroo: The jungle is no place to act like a wild animal.
She'll learn to lighten up and he'll be happy-- can we just skip that 1/3 of the movie now?
But a tiny speck flies by and Horton hears a sound from it.
The animation cleverly goes hand-drawn to show Horton's imagination mimicking Seuss's original style,
but unfortunately the rest of the style seems to like action and references,
for the sake of there just being action and references.
Horton: I love the smell of bananas in the morning!
[deeply] I feel the diplomatic process is beginning to break down.
It's just like Robin Williams in Aladdin, except he came in halfway through the film,
so we could get to know the characters, and this hasn't even been 9 minutes yet.
Horton catches the speck on a flower but the kangaroo is [snooty] not amused. No, really, she sounds like that.
Kangaroo: Absurd! There aren't people that small.
Horton: What if there was someone WAAAAY OUT THERE... looking down on our world right now?
Kanagroo: There is nothing on that speck!
[as Kangaroo] As an atheist, it's my job to be offended by that...
and then offended by anyone else being offended by anything.
But sure enough, there's a whole town of people on that speck, filled with people called the Whos.
Steve Carell plays the mayor named...
Narrator: The man named Mc[?]
Wait, what?
Narrator: Mc[?]
...Wait, what?
Narrator: Mc[?]
McGod?
Narrator: Mc[?]
McGaug?
Narrator: Mc[?]
Whatever; you just call him that to rhyme with 'odd'.
Narrator: He was devoted and fair and a little bit odd.
Apparently Who sperm come out of shotgun barrel testicles,
because the mayor has 96 daughters, and I'm gonna take a wild guess and say,
his wife would not look that good after so many births.
I think this will be a more fitting representation.
There is however one boy in the group;
he's the oldest named Jo-Jo, who the mayor is prepping to take over as mayor.
But he never speaks because, get this:
Narrator: And why didn't he speak? Well I think the lad was afraid if he did, he might let down his dad.
Clearly you understand why many children also don't speak. You read a child psychology book Dr. Seuss!--
...'s people.
Meanwhile Horton comes across his friend, Seth Rogen.
Yeah, they named this character something else but listen to him.
Morton: That's awesome Horton, that really helps.
Even if I said the character's name all you would hear is Seth Rogen. Watch.
(really saying Morton) Seth Rogen. See?
He tells Horton to keep the speck to himself but Horton's students
(I think; the whole teacher thing never comes back with Horton)
accidentally get him to blurt it out.
However Horton's movements are causing big earthquakes in the Whos' world because...
all of this somehow had no impact!
However, this disturbs the mayor who suggests postponing their big Who Celebration.
They of course don't listen to him nearing the rejection Horton is going for as well,
but it seems the Whos just want to ignore the problem and spend their time on whospace.com.
Yeah, you see why topical jokes don't always work, Seuss movies?
Horton and the mayor finally hear each other and they try to explain who/what/who they are.
Horton: Your whole world fits on a flower in my world. It's pretty amazing.
[as Horton] And if you don't want me to go astronaut from Twilight Zone on your ass, you'll...
ehh, that sounds like fun. (slap x9)
Realizing the danger they could be in, the mayor asks Horton to locate them a safer spot to be placed.
Horton decides to put them at the top of a mountain because...
those are safe as hell...
but he decides to do it once again through hand-drawn animation.
Oh cool, you mean like in Seuss's original style like what you did before?
Horton: [yelling]
Or if South Park just made fun of anime at the time I guess we can, too.
Horton: It is clear that you are no match for my techniq
Clover: Horton's the greatest hero of them all, haaa!!!
Horton, Morton, GO!
I think this calls for a facepalm WITH a facepalm!
Pikachu Morton: You are fast Horton but the kangaroo has monkeys!
I will make monkeys of these monkeys. It is their destiny, HAA!!
Horton: [yelling]
Where does an elephant in Dr. Seuss even watch anime? Is there a Crunchy Rhyme?
Pikachu Morton: But Mount Nool is that way!
Horton: ha ha ha
Oh, my God, STOP!
Thank you please never anything again!
Finally, we can get the story back on track!
Katie: haaaaaaa
Do you need a break? I need a break. Here's a break.
So Horton crosses a shaky bridge to get to the mountain, as once again,
Horton's movements seem to only affect the environment around the mayor.
You know Carol Burnett is in this, right? She won't like that we're ripping her off!
He makes it across the bridge and seems to be very happy.
Horton: I feel really good right now. Maybe it's my new sense of purpose.
You know, for a new sense of purpose, he sure does seem to do a lot of stuff with no purpose.
The kangaroo hates that Horton's imagination is spreading to the children,
so she decides to send a giant vulture after him.
Vlad: I would only do this for a price.
Vlad: This little kangaroo...
Rudy: MOM!
Kangaroo: Quiet, Rudy. Mommy's thinking it over.
I'm so glad she's fighting for the children by debating whether or not she wants to sacrifice her own to a vulture.
Vlad: I'll take it...
Nonono, I'm not done! What the hell was up with that?!
That seemed bizarrely out of character!
She can be mean, but not give up her kid mean!
I mean, don't get me wrong, she still says no, but would it make more sense if she was insulted by that gesture?
She seems to just smile and walk away, forcing him to change his tune.
In fact even for HIS character it doesn't really fit!
He's constantly trying to look scary, but it's revealed he's not as threatening as he appears.
In fact, he's kind of a screw up.
So why was this pointless moment of two characters breaking character even in here?
It doesn't seem to add anything, it's not very funny and it doesn't match their personas!
I mean it makes about as much sense as having...
Horton: [yelling]
Ahh, that's right. They just like pointless shit.
Isn't that sad, Bill?
Bill: Mmm-hmm.
It's very sad.
The vulture attacks Horton, resulting in one of my favourite jokes in the movie.
Horton: [panting]
Horton: I just know he's gonna jump out somewhere...
Vlad: Hello.
Horton: [screaming]
I can't help it, I like it when the movie critiques its cliches before I do.
He manages to fight him off, but the town finally notices that shit is happening,
resulting in the politicians high up saying nothing is wrong.
You sure this is fiction?
The mayor finally tells everybody what's going on, though.
Mayor: A giant elephant in the sky!
Mayor: Don'tbotherlookinghe'sinvisible.
Lead politician, town: [laughing]
Would it sound better if it was a turtle that was written by Stephen King?
They obviously don't believe the mayor, and the flower is taken away before he can prove Horton is really around.
Like in the book, it's dropped into a gigantic field of flowers, making it impossible to find.
...And exactly like the book, he finds it.
I never said the book was flawless.
The Whos finally hear Horton which allows him to do his best John F Kennedy impersonation.
Horton (as JFK): And we will, uh, put a speck on Mount Nool before the end of this, uh, decade.
There's a JFK in Dr. Seuss too? You know what, if there's a Who Christ, why am I questioning anything?
The kangaroo finds out, though and tries to rally everybody behind her.
Morton: This is Horton we're talking about! You all know him, he wouldn't hurt a fly!
Morton: ...Except for that fly city he sat on but he didn't do that on purpose.
Huh, so in this version Horton already killed a town of tiny living things...
The crowd rushes towards Horton to take the speck away from him, so all the Whos try to scream to be heard.
This leads to a musically and visually creative climax resulting in all the various noises they can make.
[NOISE!!]
Sure enough, Jo-Jo just HAPPENED to create a device in his off time to make the loudest noise in town...
Yeah, sure.
And Jo-Jo, of course, sounds off the final sound, speaking for the first time breaking the...
sound barrier... I don't know.
But the animals finally hear it, and the Kangaroo's son saves them and brings the flower back to Horton.
Town: [cheering]
Punk guy: YEAH!!
Now there's punk rock in Dr. Seuss too-- I don't care.
Horton apparently is nice enough to even forgive the kangaroo.
[as Kangaroo] It's the least I can do for attempting mass genocide.
Jo-Jo: What are we gonna do without you, Horton?
Horton: I'll always be around...
Horton [singing]: And even as I wonder...
Oh, and in the last five minutes we decided to become a musical because our
identity is not strong enough to say we shouldn't!
We zoom out and see a whole universe of beautiful specks.
...And this butt ugly thing. What do you know what's the joke with that? Don't tell me. I don't want to see it again.
Horton Hears A Who, I hear a middle-of-the-road shrug.
The bad stuff isn't nearly as bad as the other Seuss films and once in a while there is a funny and/or creative moment.
But it tries too hard to hit too many demographics, resulting in a weak experience, but not necessarily a bad one.
It's not painful, it's just kind of confused.
You can feel the pressure from studios, producers and [?] trying to make this something distinct,
and instead turning out something kind of underwhelming.
Still, I think kids can watch it, fine, there's no real bad lessons in it,
at least if you don't think TOO hard about them.
I guess in hindsight it is the best Dr. Seuss movie ever made,
but given his other films, that's not exactly a high bar.
It is what it is; a middle-of-the-road flick. And compared to the other Seuss films,
I'll gladly take that any day.
I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to.
Katie: SIIIGH...