So you have an addicted generation that doesn't have the skill set to ask for
help, combined with the fact that they're so good
at Facebook and Instagram, they're good at putting filters on everything.
So they're good at showing you how smart and strong they are,
these kids will commit suicide, you go look at their instagrams,
you would have no clue that they were depressed!
Because they're happy and they're star athletes. You'd have no clue. Cause they're really good.
So when we say silly things like, "My door is always open",
you're assuming they have the courage to come in.
Combined with the fact that they're subject largely,
not all but too many, to a failed parenting strategy.
Cause their parents told them they were special, they could have anything they wanted,
they can be anything they want, they got medals for coming in last,
which by the way we know doesn't work, it devalues the medal for the one who comes
in first and the one who came in last, it makes them
feel stupid because they know they didn't deserve it.
The kids got into honors classes not because they deserved it,
but because the parents complained. And some of them got good grades not because
they earned them, but because the teachers didn't wanna deal
with the parents. And then the kids graduate college and they
get a job and in an instant they find out they're not
special, they don't get anything for coming in last,
their parents can't get them a promotion and you can't have whatever you want just
cause you want it. And in an instant, their entire self-image
is shattered. And so you have an entire generation
growing up with lower self-confidence than previous generations.
And so the problem is, they're accused of being entitled.
I don't think they're entitled at all, not at all, I think they're impatient.
I keep meeting these fantastic, smart, driven, ambitious, idealistic, fantastic kids
who graduated school, they got a job, they wanna make an impact on the world
and I go up to them and say, "How's it going?" and they say, "I think I'm gonna quit."
I'm like, "Why?!" They're like, "I'm not making an impact."
I'm like, "You've been here 8 months." And it's is if they see the summit of a mountain,
it's is if they're standing at the foot of a mountain,
they can see the summit, they can see the thing they want,
"I wanna make an impact." What they don't see is the mountain.
This large immovable object. You can go up fast, you can go up slow, I
don't care. But there's still a mountain.
What they don't understand is that life, that relationships and career
fulfillment are a journey, there's no app for that. I got nothing.
You gotta go through the slow, plotting, annoying, meandering process
called career and life. But if they don't get it in 8 months, they
go look for it somewhere else, they don't get it, they go look for it somewhere
else... It's impatience. And because they don't have
the skill set to ask for help and because they feel lonely, it compounds
and compounds. So then, we dump them in office environments
that are built on theories from the 80s and 90s,
that prioritizes a number before a person and no one really cares about their confidence
and their personal growth, they're just numbers on a spreadsheet
and so they enter work cultures that don't help them.
And the problem is they're entering the workforce at a deficit.
I hear from kids, they tell me that they struggle to form deep meaningful relationships
and the companies don't care. I believe that now the responsibility on companies
is even greater than it's ever been before
to take care of it's people. Because if the environment in which we are
asking our youngest workers to work in,
isn't built to help them, I can't even imagine what the suicide and
homicide, and just the rates of depression, accidental
death due to overdose are gonna look like in the future. It's gonna
reach epidemic proportions. The statistics are already alarming and yet
nobody's sounding any alarm bells. Let me tell you a story.
So a friend of mine and I, we went for a run in Central Park.
The Road Runners Organisation, on the weekends, they host races
and it's very common at the end of the race they'll have a sponsor who will give away
something, apples or bagels or something.
And on this particular day, when we got to the end of the run,
there were some free bagels. And they had picnic tables set up, and on
one side was a group of volunteers, on the table were boxes of bagels,
and on the other side was a long line of runners waiting to get their free bagel.
So I said to my friend, "Let's get a bagel." And he looked at me and said "Ahh, that line’s
to long." And I said, "Free bagel."
And he said, "I don't wanna wait in line." And I was like, "Free bagel."
And he says, "Nah, it's too long." And that's when I realised that there's 2
ways to see the world. Some people see the thing that they want
and some people see the thing that prevents them from getting the thing
that they want. I could only see the bagels, he could only
see the line. And so, I walked up to the line,
I leaned in between 2 people, put my hand in the box and pulled out 2 bagels.
And no one got mad at me. Because the rule is, you can go after whatever
you want, you just cannot deny anyone else to go after
whatever they want. Now I had to sacrifice choice.
I didn't get to choose which bagel I got, I got whatever I pulled out,
but I didn't have to wait in line. So the point is, you don't have to wait in
line, you don't have to do it the way everybody
else has done it, you can do it your way, you can break the
rules, you just can't get in the way of somebody
else getting what they want. The United States Navy Seals, are perhaps
the most elite warriors in the world. And one of the Seals was asked who makes it
through the selection process, who is able to become a Seal.
And his answer was, "I can't tell you the kind of person that
becomes a Seal, I can't tell you the kind of person that makes
it through BUD/S, but I can tell you the kind of people who
don't become Seals." He says the guys that show up with huge bulging
muscles, covered in tattoos, who want to prove to the
world how tough they are, none of them make it through.
He said the preening leaders who like to delegate all their responsibility
and never do anything themselves, none of them make it through.
He said the star college athletes, who've never really been tested to the core
of their being, none of them make it through.
He says some of the guys that make it through were skinny and scrawny.
He said some of the guys that make it through, you will see them shivering out of fear.
He says, "However, all the guys that make it through,
when they find themselves physically spent, emotionally spent,
when they have nothing left to give physically or emotionally,
somehow, someway, they are able to find the energy
to dig down deep inside themselves to find the energy
to help the guy next to them. They become Seals." He said.
You wanna be an elite warrior? It's not about how tough you are,
it's not about how smart you are, it's not about how fast you are.
If you wanna be an elite warrior, you better get really, really good at helping
the person to the left of you and helping the person to the right of you.
Cause that's how people advance in the world. The world is too dangerous and the world is
too difficult for you to think that you can do these things
alone. If you find your spark I commend you,
now who you gonna ask for help and when are you gonna accept help when it's
offered? Learn that skill, learn by practicing helping
each other, it'll be the single most valuable thing you
ever learn in your entire life. To accept help when it's offered and to ask
for it when you know that you can't do it. The amazing thing is when you learn to ask
for help, you'll discover that there are people all
around you who've always wanted to help you,
they just didn't think you needed it because you kept pretending that you had everything
under control. And the minute you say "I don't know what
I'm doing, I'm stuck, I'm scared, I don't think I can
do this" you will find that lots of people who love
you will rush in and take care of you. There was a former Under Secretary of Defence
who was invited to give a speech at a large conference, about 1000 people.
And he was standing on the stage, with his cup of coffee in a styrofoam cup.
And he took a sip of his coffee and he smiled and he looked down at the coffee
and then he went off script. And he said, "You know last year,
I spoke at this exact same conference, last year I was still the Under Secretary.
When I spoke here last year, they flew me here business class
and when I arrived at the airport, there was somebody waiting for me to take
me to my hotel. And they took me to my hotel and they had
already checked me in and they just took me up to my room.
And the next morning I came downstairs and there was someone waiting in the lobby
to greet me and they drove me to this here same venue.
They took me through the back entrance and took me into the green room
and handed me a cup of coffee in a beautiful ceramic cup."
He says, "I'm no longer the Under Secretary. I flew here coach. I took a taxi to my hotel
and I checked myself in. When I came down the lobby this morning,
I took another taxi to this venue. I came in the front door and found my way
backstage. And when I asked someone 'Do you have any
coffee?' He pointed to the coffee machine in the corner
and I poured myself a cup of coffee into this here styrofoam cup."
He says the lesson is, "The ceramic cup was never meant for me.
It was meant for the position I held. I deserve a styrofoam cup."
Remember this. As you gain fame, as you gain fortune, as
you gain position in seniority, people will treat you better.
They will hold doors open for you, they will get you a cup of tea and coffee
without you even asking, they will call you sir and m'am
and they will give you stuff. None of that stuff is meant for you.
That stuff is meant for the position you hold. It is meant for the level that you have achieved
or success or whatever you wanna call it.
But you will always deserve a styrofoam cup.