- Yeah.
- You still say it like, go ahead.
No, you, go.
Sorry. (laughing)
(energetic music)
Hello everybody, this is Jack and Kate from tofluency.com.
And in this lesson, we are going to talk about greetings.
How to greet people in America, what to do,
and some questions to ask and what to say.
So I thought we would start by just showing you
some ways that you can greet people.
First one, it's a handshake.
Okay, and that's a handshake.
There's also the hug, like this.
There are the two kisses.
And then there's one I didn't talk about,
the fist bump, the fist bump.
So we're gonna talk about which one
is appropriate in which setting.
And I thought a good place to start
is with what you do when you meet somebody you don't know.
How do you greet that person in America?
- Handshake.
That is the only acceptable answer.
- I'm going to give you a scenario.
- Okay.
- What about if you are meeting my cousin
for the first time?
And you've already been chatting away on Facebook.
What would you do in that situation?
- I think that if it's somebody
that you're meeting in person for the first time,
but you have a strong connection
and you've been communicating with them
in a not professional way,
then probably a hug would feel more natural.
- Yeah, a hug.
And there's always that moment where both people,
they don't know what to do.
They don't know which one is the best one to do.
And that can lead to awkward situations,
and later we're gonna talk about living in Spain.
- Right.
- And doing that too.
- Can I just say too?
There's also the hug/handshake.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
- Like, like that? - Like, yeah.
- It's like a side on hug with a handshake.
- A side on hug, yeah I know what you mean.
Yeah, and sometimes you can use that handshake
to bring and pull somebody into a hug
if that's what you want to do.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, for example, guys do that.
- Do they? - Yeah.
So the other night, I met a friend,
I won't mention him here,
I hadn't seen him for a long time,
so I went to give him a handshake,
and he was like, "Bring it in."
He said, "Bring it in."
Which just means bring it in for a hug.
So, guys do that all the time.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Interesting.
I think in general though, that when women meet,
we're probably more likely to hug.
- Yes, I think so.
- Yeah.
- And when a guy and a woman, man and a woman,
meet for the first time, the default is a handshake.
- Yes.
- And I'll also say, this is very similar in the UK as well.
These are very similar things that you do there too.
Yeah, and the fist bump.
When is that appropriate?
- Um, I think it depends.
It's probably better for somebody
that you have a closer relationship with
that's a little bit, like, you can joke with them.
- Yeah, it's, we do it a lot at soccer.
That is very common.
- I think that it's also less of a greeting,
and more of a, like a way to go gesture.
- Yeah, like a celebration.
- Yeah, like a high five.
- Yeah.
Oh, the high five too.
(clapping) Like that.
You were going to do that one,
weren't you? - I was, I was.
Wait, hold on let's-- - So you can do it...
Like that.
We needed to practice this before.
This can lead to awkward situations, right?
Okay, living in Spain, how did you greet people in Spain?
- It was the double kiss.
- Always?
- Yes.
- Yeah, with a woman and a woman, a man and a woman.
I think two guys, it was more of a handshake.
- Really?
- Yeah, if I remember correctly.
If you are from Spain, please let us know,
because I don't have the best memory of that.
But I do know that it sometimes led to awkward situations.
For example, when somebody from the UK
and somebody from America met each other in Spain,
it was difficult to know which one was best.
Because, do you shake hands like you do in the UK?
Or do you kiss like you do in Spain?
Do you remember that?
- I do remember that, and I think that
just whichever one you choose, you have to commit to it.
- Yes, I like that.
- And usually like a, like a casual handshake
or a casual hug is not going to be awkward.
Not always, but most of the time.
You know, if you're just, there's little like,
a pat on the back, it's like very, I don't know, casual.
- I like that.
And obviously, in business settings,
the handshake is king. - Yes, yes.
When in doubt, don't hug.
- Yeah, I like that.
And can I show you something?
- I'm afraid.
What' gonna happen?
- The firm handshake.
- Oh, yes, the firm handshake.
- Yeah, which is, I think it's a power play in some ways.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Like, if you meet somebody in a business setting,
and they give you a really firm handshake,
they're liking control of that situation.
- Right, okay.
- It's like a dominance thing.
- I feel like whenever I shake hands,
I just wanna hold my own.
- What do you mean?
- Like, I don't wanna squeeze somebody's hand,
but I don't wanna let somebody squeeze my hand.
- Oh.
- Do you see what I'm saying?
- Kind of.
So, show me.
- Okay, if they go in for the firm, go in for the firm,
I'm just giving back the same amount of pressure.
- Right, so you're reacting
to the firmness of the handshake.
- Exactly.
- Yeah.
This reminds me of these YouTube videos,
where the guy would see how long
he could shake someone's hand for.
- This is reminding me of that,
and all of the hugging.
You didn't warn me
that there would be so much hugging today.
I love it, but--
- Oh, good, good.
Okay, so we have talked about handshakes, hugs, kisses,
fist bumps, all those, high fives.
- High fives, secret handshakes.
- Secret handshakes, yeah.
- Well, we haven't talked about that,
but maybe we'll make one later.
- Yeah, we'll do that at the end of the video.
- Okay.
- People also want to know
what you should say when you see someone,
somebody you know, and someone you don't know.
When you meet them, when you see them.
- Right.
- So I thought you could tell everyone
what is a good thing to say in America
when you see someone for the first time, for example.
- Okay, so I think that in general,
there's, you have to ask somebody what their name is,
or offer your name.
- Okay, what...
You go up to somebody who you don't know,
but you want to talk to them for whatever reason.
- Okay.
- What's the first thing that you say?
- I would usually just say, "Hi, I'm Kate."
and let them tell me their name.
- Yeah, I would say, "I'm Jack."
and then you say?
- "Nice to meet you."
- Yes, yes, I was hoping you would say that.
Because "Nice to meet you" is, I think,
the default thing to say in this situation.
"Nice to meet you."
It works every time when you're meeting somebody.
If it's formal, informal, family, you know,
when you're meeting them for the first time.
What about when you see a friend at the grocery store?
What's a question you would ask them?
- That's a really good thing to think about,
and actually, I have noticed
that when I go to the grocery store,
I really enjoy going to a particular grocery store.
- We won't mention it.
I don't know why not, I feel like--
- Trader Joe's. - Trader Joe's.
- Because I always have a nice, casual conversation
with the person who's helping me check out
and bag my groceries.
- Okay.
- And I've noticed that
they ask usually one of two questions.
And it is always easy to start a conversation
with these questions.
So, the first one is, "How is your day so far?"
- I like that, "How is your day so far?"
or maybe, "How is your day going?"
- Yeah, "How is your day going?"
Or "How has your day been?"
- Very good.
- And then the other questions are,
"Do you have any plans for the afternoon,
"or the evening, or the weekend?"
And I think that a lot of times,
when we try to start a conversation with somebody,
it puts all of this pressure on if we ask big questions.
And I don't know about you,
but for me, I hate questions like,
"What is your favorite band?"
or "What is your favorite music?"
- Do people at the grocery store ask that?
- Who knows?
Maybe not at the grocery store - I know what you're saying
I know what you're saying.
- But like, yeah, if you go to like, a language exchange,
- This is a great example. - Or a party,
somebody might ask you a question like that,
and for me, I always have to stop and think.
Because I'm not, you know, my favorite music changes,
or the book, and it feels like there's
a lot of pressure on that answer.
- And that's a very specific example.
When you go to the store,
and the person is, how would you say, checking you out?
No, that doesn't make sense.
- No, that means something different.
- That means like, yeah...
I'll leave the definition of that in the description.
But what, how would you say that?
They are...
- Um, yeah, that's a really good question,
because you would say that you're checking out
at the grocery store.
- Yeah, to check out means like,
to put all your things on that belt,
and then they scan them, and then you pay for them.
Yeah, so in that situation that's very specific,
because it can be quite difficult
to know what to talk about,
or if you should talk at all.
And some people avoid that conversation
by speaking on their phone or just head down,
that type of thing.
But I've noticed that, at Trader Joe's,
they ask you questions that you want to answer,
that are easy to answer, and little bit more specific.
- Yeah, and I think especially when
you're just in your day, or doing something,
then you're thinking about that in the moment,
and you're thinking about what's happened so far,
and what you're going to do.
You know, you're not thinking about
what your plans are for 10 years,
you're not thinking about, you know, your childhood.
- No, no it's a really good point.
And it just made me think about something too,
because there's this concept of breaking the ice.
- Yes.
- The first thing you say to start a conversation.
And I was thinking about some situations
when it can be difficult to do, when people are shy.
And one I thought of, was the first class at college,
when everybody is waiting to go into the class,
no one is saying anything, and then somebody breaks the ice.
And it's difficult, because you don't know if you should
speak to one person or to everyone.
Have you got any examples of what you can say there?
- Well, I am often extremely shy,
and feel really awkward, especially in situations like that,
where you don't know anyone,
and I think that it's always solid advice
to you know, introduce yourself.
- How would you do that?
- Just say, "Hi, I'm Kate."
- Just go up to somebody and say, "Hi, I'm Kate."
- Mmhmm.
- I've noticed what women do a lot,
is that they'll say, "I love your jacket, I love your bag."
And that's a way to break the ice, isn't it?
- Giving someone a compliment.
- Giving someone a compliment, yeah.
And I think you have to do it quickly,
because the longer you wait, the more difficult it is to do.
If it's silent for a long time,
- And your brain starts going,
and you're thinking about things, but yeah, it's yeah.
- And the last thing I want to talk about
is talking to people that you pass on the street.
Because I have noticed the difference
between the UK and America.
- Okay, what have you noticed?
- That it's more common to say hi
to people that you pass in America
than it is in the UK.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Interesting.
- So let's say we are walking in our neighborhood,
and we pass someone we don't, we've never seen before,
you would say hello, right?
- Oh yeah, definitely.
- And we're not talking about a busy New York street,
where you say, "Hi, hi, hi" to everybody.
But when it's in a setting
where it's a little bit more quiet,
you're in a neighborhood where people live, not downtown.
And people do say hi to you.
In the UK, people tend to keep their heads down more.
- Yeah, I've noticed that actually.
- And they won't make eye contact,
they won't smile, they won't say hi.
- And like when you go into a shop too,
you won't necessarily say something nice
to the person working the register,
or somebody that you see in the aisle.
Whereas when you're checking out, you do,
like you would say, like, "Hey, how are you?"
You know?
And there's that expectation that you act
like somebody is your friend,
whereas I feel like in the UK, it's much more--
- Reserved.
- Well, I'd say in certain shops, people are quite friendly,
like the one near my sister's house.
Everybody knew everyone else,
and they all talked about things.
And the guy who worked there,
he was very friendly to us,
although he had never seen us before.
- But I think in general, smiling and nodding.
- Smiling and nodding when you pass someone.
- Just a little...
- Yeah, I love it when somebody does it.
You know, like, let's just say I'm driving in the car,
and there's a situation where
you have to let them go or they let you go,
and they smile and wave.
I always feel happy about those situations.
- Oh, you do?
- Yeah.
- I hate that when that happens,
not because of the smiling and the waving,
but because somebody's like, "Okay, you go ahead."
And then you're like, "No, you go ahead."
And then it's this back and forth.
Or even worse, when you do it at the same time.
Like you're both say, "Go ahead, you drive your car."
And I don't know.
- I love your in-car voice, when you're talking to people.
- Oh, no.
Do I have an in-car voice?
- "Yeah, yeah, go ahead."
You know, you say really quietly?
But they can't hear you.
And the only way they could hear you is if you shouted it.
But you still say it like, "Go ahead, no, you go."
Sorry.
It's a good impression.
- Well, what do you do?
- I think I do the same thing.
(laughing)
Okay, I hope you enjoyed that conversation.
We've got Kate's question coming soon,
and our secret handshake.
Did you forget about that?
- I did.
- Be sure to check out the description
for some of the phrases we've talked about
and just the different ways you can ask people questions,
and the language you can use.
Anyway, Kate's question.
- How do you greet people that you don't know,
and what kind of questions do you like to ask
to break the ice?
- I love that.
Yeah, so how do you greet people that you don't know
in your country,
and the questions to break the ice.
- Yes.
- Okay, secret handshake.
- Okay, I want there to be a wave.
- A wave?
Before we do it?
- Or we could do a wave backing away.
(electric guitar music) - Okay, you ready?
- Ooo.
(laughing)
- Bye.
(upbeat music)