Hi, Andy.
Hello, Ellen.
How's it going?
Really good.
Good.
I feel real comfortable.
Thank you for volunteering.
Thank you for forcing me to do this.
OK.
I think it'll be fun.
OK.
You like the game, right?
I love the game.
Me too.
So we've done this once before.
It was really fun.
Before the show, we surveyed the audience.
And tWitch isn't here so Andy and I
are going to take turns guessing how many people in the audience
have done certain things.
And I'll still want you to raise your hands but we know how many
because we have surveyed this before the show.
So Andy-- don't raise your hands until we guess, though.
OK.
How many people here have broken up with someone by text?
I'm going to say 175 have.
Are you out of your mind?
You think that many people have broken up
with somebody by text.
You think that my fans are rude.
It's how people-- it's not rude, it's
just how people do it these days.
That's not how people do it these days.
It's rude unless, you know So I'm
going to say it's lower than 175 by a lot.
I'm thinking it's going to be maybe 40 or something
like that.
You're out of your mind.
Survey says what?
No!
Higher than I thought.
Right.
What did you say?
I said 40 or something.
All right.
All right, raise your hands if you broke up with somebody
by text.
All right.
There's a guy here in kind of like a coral-colored shirt
and you raised your hand.
Yeah.
And how long were you dating?
It was only a couple of weeks.
But it was a long time ago.
I can't remember exactly what I said.
OK.
Thanks for that story.
All right.
Have a seat.
All right.
Anybody like recently-- like in the last month you've broken up
with somebody by text?
Where?
Over here.
OK.
When did you do it and how long were you dating?
Well, I had a girlfriend and she moved to Virginia.
And then I broke up with her.
OK.
It sounds like she broke up with you because--
Well, actually no--
I mean, she moved to Virginia.
Did she tell you she was moving?
Yeah, she did.
All right.
And how long had you all been dating?
Well, we were dating for like a month.
Again, she broke up with you.
You'll figure it out.
Later in life you'll realize that that
was what a breakup looked like that
was when she moved to Virginia.
What did you say to her over the text?
I said-- oh God--
I said I thought that I can do this but you're too far away
and I'll always love you, but I'm sorry.
All right.
What's her name?
Her name was Catherine.
All right.
Catherine, bye bye.
Also, Happy Birthday to my friend, Juliette I promised--
Don't push it.
[LAUGHTER]
All right.
Andy, how many people here have walked in on their parents
doing it?
How many walked in on their parents doing it?
I'm going to say--
I've done it--
30.
30 people walked in on their parents doing it.
I can't even imagine that happening.
I think it can't happen that often.
I don't know how it happens.
It's common.
I'm going to say less than that.
I'm going to say lower than that.
How many people please walked in on their parents doing it?
Please, 30.
Wow!
How does that happen?
Have your kids walked in on you and Lorie?
No.
It hasn't happened to, well--
It didn't.
Not fully stuff.
But like, stuff.
But not stuff stuff.
Has Erin walked in on you?
No-- no, she never did.
But I will say that it's very common
if like a young kid doesn't feel good
or you think they fell asleep and you think OK, we're good.
And then they're like, I didn't fall asleep and they show up.
Or just you don't feel good.
And I would say that happened to about 65 people.
Clearly.
All right.
Raise your hand if you walked in on your--
you saw that sight that you'll never unsee.
All right.
Back here, over to the-- yeah, you.
Tell me, how long ago did this happen?
How old were you?
Man, I was in middle school.
So let me think I'm going to guess 12.
You walked in and they were doing it.
Yeah.
And how did you feel?
I was mad because I just came to get a towel
so I could go take a shower.
I said, Mom!
They said--
[SILENCE]
And I just closed the door and backed on out because--
All right.
You weren't scarred by that or anything?
Yeah!
Of course.
Yeah.
That's what I'm saying.
All right.
How many-- Andy, how many people here--
I think I'm supposed to ask one.
OK, you ask.
Ellen, how many people here have ever called out the wrong name
while making whoopee?
Well, for the younger generation,
while being intimate.
How many people here--
For the younger people, knocking boots.
Knocking boots?
How many people here have ever called out the wrong name
while knocking boots.
OK.
I'm going to say not a lot of people.
I think that's weird to call out the wrong name.
I'm going to say 10.
I'm going to say it's higher than that.
OK.
Survey says what?
Wow!
You're right.
It's higher than that.
Yeah.
Raise your hand if you called somebody else's name out.
OK.
Behind you, Andy Zenor.
Yes.
All right.
How long were you with this person?
Two hours.
Not long.
And you called out like an ex-boyfriend girlfriend's name?
Boyfriend?
Yeah, an ex.
OK-- ex-boyfriend.
Yeah.
And how recent had you been with that ex-boyfriend?
Probably a month before?
It was just you know you get used to it, so.
Right.
And what did that guy do when you called out another name?
He left?
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Don't you think, like-- and then you're mad but like
you just stop in the middle?
I guess so.
All right.
Oh, hi!
Hi!
OK, so when did this happen with you?
So it was right after I got divorced
and I was with somebody new and yeah,
I guess my ex was still on my mind.
And what did the person do when you did that?
It stopped abruptly, actually.
I just remember everything kind of stopping.
Right, right.
And did you just go, oh my God, I'm so sorry and--
Of course!
Of course.
And did you see that guy ever again?
Actually did.
We ended up living together for a little bit.
So you know, he was a very forgiving soul.
That's what I'm saying.
It could be a mistake.
And how far apart were the names-- like,
what were the names?
[LAUGHTER]
That's all right.
My ex's name is Jack.
OK.
All right.
Thank you so much.
OK, how many people here have seen a ghost?
What do you think, Andy?
I'm going to say like seven.
Seven people have seen a ghost?
Have seen a ghost?
Seven.
I going to say it's a little bit higher
than that I don't know why, but.
All right, survey says what?
Wow!
That's a lot higher!
That's crazy.
That's a lot of ghosts out there that people have seen.
Raise your hand if you have a good ghost story.
I want to hear the good ghost story.
OK, you right here-- yeah, stand up.
So I was in third grade and me and my mom we were
watching the movie "Alien."
Well, that's a good time for it to happen.
Yeah.
And then I kept seeing the alien in my closet
so I woke up my mom and I told her I was scared.
So she made me do math problems until I fell asleep.
[LAUGHTER]
Sit down.
[LAUGHTER]
You realize you didn't see a ghost, right?
Did you just want to be on TV, or?
[LAUGHTER]
I hope a ghost haunts you tonight.
They'll teach you.
All right.
I need to hear a real ghost story.
Who over here-- OK, over here.
My name's Carrie and a girlfriend of one
of my best friends from 1974 in Novato, California--
she and her family lived in a large, old farmhouse.
And the wife-- whose name was Virginia--
they assumed was the ghost.
And she would make the beds and move the stools
Ingenious, that's fantastic!
Yeah.
I would go in--
She would make the bed?
And she would be-- the stools would be--
she would be putting them on top of the kitchen table
or moving the teapot around the sink
and just move random things.
She was very friendly, but--
And yet, she stayed and cleaned up all the time.
She didn't want to leave the home.
That's a nice ghost, because usually they throw things.
But to make a bed--
She was really cool.
I was scared to death but once I knew the story and saw
that she was harmless--
she did, she tidied things up.
Pretty much.
That's a wonderful story.
Thank you so much!
All right, that's how you play "Survey Says What?!"
We'll be right back.