(upbeat music)
- I know what you about to say.
- [Both] We saw your nude.
- Yep.
So, my phone got hacked,
and someone leaked my nudes.
All of 'em.
And I got a lot of 'em too,
from every which angle.
I mean, I don't want people to see my junk or whatever
but you know, I ain't got nothing to hide.
(nervous laughing)
(clears throat)
- We have some questions.
- Ask away.
I'm an open book.
I'm not gonna be shamed.
- Let's take a look.
(screaming)
- What? I look sexy as hell.
- Yeah. Yeah, you do.
But what is all of this stuff behind you?
- Is this your room?
- Yeah. It's beautiful. Right?
- It's so chaotic.
What is in your hammock?
- It's all my beanie babies.
Don't they look so cute and dope.
I make them kiss like this.
They say (imitates kissing)
- I'm all for Keith posting nudes.
I mean, his body is banging.
His body is
banging,
but finding out that he collects beanie babies.
That makes me think a lot less of the guy.
Like, yuck.
- What's this?
- That's my penis, Jackie.
- (mockingly) I know it's your penis, Keith.
What's that behind it?
- Oh, my jumping shoes.
I use those for bounce club.
- What in the (beep) is bounce club?
- You know, it's when me and my friends
go to the beach on the weekends,
and we bounce around for like five to six hours.
- [Keith] Y'all should come, It's really fun.
- So I'm supposed to live with the fact
that Keith just bounces around the beach every weekend?
Like it's normal?
It's lame.
It's very lame.
I mean, the only things that are supposed to bounce
are titties, ass, and Tigger.
I'm devastated!
- Man, I wish y'all were judging me
for having my (beep) out.
I mean, that would've been fine, but judging my stuff?
That's hurting my feelings.
- Okay, but like, you took a wide shot.
Like you want us all to see it.
- Dude? What are these bottles?
- Oh, that's my Crystal Pepsi collection.
- Oh no, Keith.
What's on this whiteboard?
- All the airplanes I clapped in.
- Oh Boo! Is this just a person?
- Nope. That's a cardboard cut out of my idol.
Beans from Even Stevens.
You see he's right next to the Beanie Babies.
(chuckles) That's the Bean Corner.
- What are these cutouts then?
- No, those are actually people.
Those are my interns.
- Oh. - Oh yeah.
- Wait what?
- You have interns?
- Yes. I'm a very businessman.
- Hi, I'm Dory.
- I'm Lala.
- I've been Keith's intern for four years.
- And it'll be eight years for me in August.
Time has just flown by.
(forced laughter)
- Why do you have interns, Keith?
- Cause I have a lot of business to take care of.
You guys don't have interns?
- No.
- What are you busy with, Keith?
- So, every morning we pick up Keith's dry cleaning.
- And we put invisible ink in the collars
so we can return those shirts back to the dry cleaners
and demand a full refund.
- And then we take that money and we buy lotto scratchers.
- But then, if we find a winning lotto ticket,
we re-cover that ticket with the gray film
so Keith can do them himself.
- And when he realize he's won, we say,
- [Both] "Lucky Keith Wins again."
Ah!
- You know what?
See, that is what's wrong with you guys.
Like, it's just my stuff. - [Dory] Excuse me, sir.
I think it looks nice. (Dory and Lala whispering)
- [Dory And Lala] Excuse me, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- I'm so sorry. Hi, Jackie. - Sorry, guys.
- Coffee sir, here's your coffee, sir.
(quickly gulping down coffee)
- Ah.
(quickly gulping down coffee)
- Thought I told you to stay in the school bus.
- [Both] School bus?
- I know sir,
but there's something we had to tell you, sir.
- It's your nudes, sir.
We found out who leaked them.
- Who?
- Um...
it was you, sir.
You leaked them to TMZ and you said, "Have fun y'all XOXO".
- Man, y'all are fired! (Lala gasps)
- But sir, our college credits!
- Man, (beep) your college credits.
(Dory and Lala gasping)
And I don't need any of the judgment over here
because you know what, Jackie,
you love Harry Potter way too much.
- No! - And you, Noah.
You listen to music that sounds like
robots are queefing!
(gasps) Y'all live in glass houses,
and I got the rocks!
(Dory exclaims)
(footsteps scurrying)
- [Dory And Lala] Do you guys need interns?
- [Jackie And Noah] No!
(Screaming)
- (Beep)
- Who bounces around?
You just jiggle a little for fun on the weekends?
(chuckles) - I didn't say jiggle.
That's a whole 'nother thing.
Are we talking about my, nevermind.
(Laughing)
(beep)
- Let's go again. I said a Lala,
it made me sound like Malala.
(laughing)
- I am Malala.
(laughing)
- I think we should change my name to Malala.
- I'm Malala. Yes. Relation. (laughing)