So a husband wrote in and said his
wife is verbally abusive towards him.
My name is Paul Friedman. I founded The
Marriage Foundation and we get these
questions and these comments
at themarriagefoundation.org. You just
go to that website, our website. I'm the
founder of The Marriage Foundation
and click on the "Ask a Counselor" tab and
you can
put in a question that you want answered
too
maybe we'll use it for a video. So this
is really tough when a wife is
verbally abusive,
it's always an inclination of mine to
ask, well, what's
bringing that on? And usually,
and don't take this as
the only thing I'm going to say on this
topic but hear this as well.
Usually, a man
is already, let's use the term
not nice to his wife.
And by the time he's complaining that
she's verbally abusive,
the cycle has taken place the momentum
of the downward cycle has grown
so much that neither of you are nice to
each other.
And maybe she's verbally abusive and
maybe you're passive aggressive.
I don't know the other side of the coin
here
but the first step, the very first step
is for you to gain control
over how you behave towards your wife.
Now,
I'm not saying change your behavior.
I'm much worse than that. I'm
saying
change your thinking. Let me explain.
One of the things that we do not learn
growing up and nothing in society
supports what I'm about to say
is that the one
tool that we have trumps them all
and we never talk about it and that's
free will.
So psychologists love to ask,
"Well, what happened when you were a child?
Were you abused?
How was your father to you? How was your
mother to you? What were your siblings
like? Where did you go to school? Did you
have money? Were you poor? Blah blah blah.
blah blah."
They're looking for excuses for your
behavior
and you know if you have kids or when
you were a kid
if someone said now, "Did you take that
cookie because you were hungry?"
"Oh yeah, I was hungry that's why I took
the cookie." Right.
So this is what they do so they feed you
the lines
and you swallow them hook line and
sinker
and you sink. When they should be saying
to you
and I'm saying it to you now, I don't
care what happened to you when you were
a kid.
I care, I love you. I'm compassionate and
sympathetic
but every second
of the day you have free will.
Hopefully, you're not using drugs and
alcohol and destroying your free will
but
even with that you still have free will.
You could from this second forward
decide to do everything
that works to create happiness
and love. You have that power.
No one ever teaches us this. I was a
divorce mediator before. I know all about
western psychology
but for the last couple of decades, we've
been helping
people transform their marriage. It
begins with
and if you've got our course for men it
begins with
transforming yourself. First step,
learn how the mind works, and I'm not
talking about Freudian nonsense with the
id and ego and superego which leaves you
going, "What the heck is he talking about." I'm
scratching my hair.
So none of that works,
and the mind's not that complicated so
we start out by teaching you how the
mind works
and then we give you tools so that you
can gain
mastery over your mind so you're no
longer reacting to things.
You're behaving based on your inner
wisdom.
You don't lose any power. You gain power
in this process but much more than that
you're shown how to have the power
to have love which means more sex,
more intimacy and happiness.
You got married to be happy for goodness
sake.
Your wife is abusive to you verbally
and I don't know what that means but at
least she's not throwing things at you.
Some people have that
it's no fun but let's not analyze her.
Let's not give you the get out of this
marriage free card.
Let's do what's the most logical
reasonable thing
to do and that is work on yourself
so that you actually know what to do to
build up your marriage into a very
positive
vehicle for love and happiness. In the
meantime,
when she's being verbally abusive
mentally
step back. Instead of allowing your mind
to react
punch back or run and hide or whatever
it is your mind wants to do.
Take charge over your mind.
Just step back not think the world's not
going to fall apart.
Step back and
one of the things you should know about
emotions is they run their course.
Emotions only last so long it could last
a long time
but they only last so long so wait it
out.
See if you could deflect. See if you
could change the subject.
See if you could tell her, "Honey, you're so
beautiful even when you're angry."
You could try those things but do not
become engaged.
Don't let your mind suck you in. It's not
her that's sucking you in.
It is your mind so that's the message of
the day. Now look, subscribe to this
channel, like this video, leave a comment
if you want. Tell me
how much you appreciate turning you
on to this new information because it's
new in the world
and there's a reason for that. I'm
not a genius. I'm just a little bit ahead
of the times.
The whole
whole western psychology thing is
it's so stone age.
Thanks for spending time with me! Take
care
and God bless! And go to our website
themarriagefoundation.org
take a look around, see what products we
have to offer you.
God bless and take care!