- My name is Keith Robinson, South Philadelphia.
I'm a Scorpio.
October 23rd, 1994.
For me, starting comedy was hard.
It was a all-white scene and all of the white guys
were giving each other work.
And every time I turned, I was on the steps said,
"I'm here, can I have some work too?"
And they're like, "Beat it."
So I just started my own group, the Comedy Express,
and we're gonna get our own work.
Then we became like a comedy gang
and nobody would mess with us.
We'd walk around with satin jackets on.
Wanda Sykes was hanging with us, Tony Woods.
And everybody knew us.
We ruled Philadelphia.
The advice I would give to new comics is work hard.
Don't go to comedy class.
Get on stage.
You'll find out what you need to find out
by going on stage, bombing,
and taking a nice foot right in your dumb face.
It's good to get a nice, tasty boo every now and again.
Was my first TV performance at the Showtime at The Apollo.
I bombed my fucking ass off.
And I was at a hotel room with a girl.
The phone rang.
My cousin, Phil Robinson, called and he's loud as ever.
"Keith Ra, you on the Apollo right now and bombing!"
And I'm like, "Oh no," I'm trying to cover the phone up.
She said, "Let me see it."
And she tuned it on and she seen me bomb
and she actually left the room.
She left and didn't come back.
I ain't never heard from her again.
I had a stroke, man, I had a stroke.
Can we slow this music down a little bit?
Like a nice slow jam.
It slowed me down on stage a little bit,
but it put me in the pocket more.
Like a Peyton Manning.
I couldn't scramble as much
so I had to stay in the pocket with the jokes.
"How y'all doing?"
Joke number one.
Joke number two.
Aw shit, here come another punchline for that ass.
And nobody feels like, "Oh oh oh..."
I don't allow that.
Because that's what it is.
I'm still an asshole,
so don't feel sorry for me.
I'm still gonna give it to you.
But that soundtrack is a little bit different.
Like Earth, Wind and Fire soundtrack.
Yeah.
- Keep that clapping going for Keith Robinson everybody.
Come on for Keith!
(applause)
- (laughs) This girl called me creepy
the other day, you know.
I was up all night, I couldn't even sleep off that shit.
I was just, I wake up in a cold sweat.
"I ain't creepy, what the fuck you call for?"
(laughter)
It just was bothering me, man.
Then I realized I'm not creepy, man.
I'm just getting older and my reflexes
aren't what they used to be.
I used to look at a girl,
before she look at me I turn away real fast.
(laughter)
Now I just keep looking at her.
(laughter)
Keep looking, I don't give a shit.
(laughter)
I watch a lot of the crime TV, I love it.
You know what I mean?
I go to sleep to murder and I wake up to murder.
(laughter)
I love murder.
(laughter)
And I always looked at right?
I always looked at the wife who never knew
that her husband was a serial killer.
I don't know why I'm looking at you,
but I'm saying, (laughter)
that always bugged the shit outta me.
The wife never knew.
"I don't know, I didn't see it."
(laughter)
Get the fuck outta here.
He's coming in a four in the morning.
That's serial killer hours.
You gotta know what's going on dammit.
(laughter)
If I had a woman that was a serial killer,
I would know immediately and I would address that shit.
"What the fuck you doing coming in at 4:35 a.m.?
"Where the hell have you been at?
"Have you been murdering?"
(laughter)
(pulsing synth music)