As I mentioned in previous videos, something that my firm, immigration for couples, is
trying to do is to provide more information, more supporting advice about how to have a stronger
relationship as you navigate the immigration process. The immigration process is nothing
short of stressful. It really tests your patience and I know this, not just from being
an immigration attorney and helping hundreds of couples, but I also know this having gone through
the immigration process personally with my husband. I know that the immigration process
it just, for a lack of better words and I'll just step out of my lawyer persona, it just sucks.
I know it's hard and you want to be together. A lot of you have distance. You might be living
in two separate countries and I know COVID is happening right now in our world and that's just
an added layer of stress. But what I want to share with all of you who are going through the process
is a different perspective. A different way to look at the immigration process. Again as I've said
in other videos where I'm providing information like this, I am not a relationship expert.
I am just a person who has personally gone through the immigration process as well and knows what
you're feeling. I always say to my clients, "Of all the things I can do as an immigration attorney
to help you in your journey, the one thing I wish I could do but I can't is take away
all of the stress and emotions you're feeling because I know exactly what you're feeling. And
I wish somebody could have taken those away from for me as well."
But what I've learned, having gone through it myself and also seeing all of the hundreds and
hundreds of couples that we've helped navigate the immigration process, the immigration process
is something that can actually make your relationship stronger. For those
of you who are going through it right now and you're living separately, maybe you don't like to
hear that. Maybe it just sounds really frustrating to hear. "I don't want to hear
any advice for my relationship. This process is just horrible. We just want to be together."
I get it. I hear you. I felt the same way. My process with my husband took almost two years.
Even though we didn't have COVID going on, we had a lot of other
general issues that happened with immigration. There was a system that was down for
months that prevented anybody from completing their online application.
We were sitting in limbo, waiting for this system to be fixed. I remember checking
it every day, multiple times a day, just wondering, "Can you please fix this? We want to be able to do
the next step but your system is broken." And then there are other issues with immigration as
they have human beings working there. They make clerical errors. They had made
spelling errors that had to be amended and that prolonged our separation and the stress.
But what I have learned, hindsight's 20/20 and looking back on things that my husband and I did in the
process, we worked really hard on focusing on our relationship and not letting the immigration case
take center stage. We worked really hard at being very purposeful in our conversations to make sure
we weren't always talking about our immigration case and we talked about the future. I have a
whole other video about something called what I think is the phenomenon of the third-wheel.
Where this immigration case takes on a life of itself and it's a third-wheel
in your relationship. But today, what I want to share with you is the perspective of
going through this immigration case knowing that difficulties and relationships are universal.
Whether or not you are going through an immigration process or you happen to be
a couple who just is able to get married without having to go through an immigration process.
Having problems, having issues, having things come up in your relationship and in your life,
it's universal. Everybody is going to go through difficult things. You can look at your
immigration case as just this problem. You can obsess about it and just be stressed out about it
all the time and I know you can't get rid of the stress. I know I can't get rid of the stress
but you can look at this immigration case and all the difficulties that you're going to go through
is something that ultimately is going to make your relationship better, stronger, richer. It really is.
It's really true. My husband and I, having gone through this, living through it. It was more
than two years because of all the time before that researching and figuring things out.
Talking to attorneys and finding the best path. It was more than
two years. It's stressful. But what we found is we have a reference point now. We have this really
difficult thing that we both made it through together and our relationship's stronger. It's one
of those things that you think back, there's these new difficulties that's coming up in
life as they inevitably will. But you have this reference point of something difficult that you
you went through together in the past and you think, "We can do this." We've done
some of the most difficult things that anybody any couple could go through. This being apart,
this immigration process, the bureaucracy of it, not being able to see each other, and especially all of
you now who are going through this with COVID. You have even more difficulties that you're facing
that's ultimately going to make your relationship so much stronger. My advice to you is just
I know it's hard, I know you want to be together, I know you just want to be done
but try to look at it and remind yourself, remind each other
getting through this, we will. You're going to get through it. There's a light at the end of
the tunnel. I'll tell you because I have done it and I know it was a long process. I made it.
We have hundreds and hundreds of couples we've helped and they made it. It was a long journey
and when we get to the end with them they think, "We made it! We did it!" You will
regardless of where you are in the process. You're going to make it to the end, you're
going to be able to start your lives together. But look at it again is an experience that
you're going to share together to ultimately have a stronger relationship. As I mentioned, I'm not
a relationship expert. I have these amazing friends, Marla and Julian, who are relationship experts.
I should have them come and share information with all of you so you can learn from them about
how to really change your perspective, how to work on each other, communicate
with each other and have an even better relationship. I hope that that gives you
some kind of peace of mind knowing you'll make it to the end and a different way
to look at life. A different way to look at this immigration case in a way that's more
healthy not just for you but for each other and for your relationship. I hope that helped.