Have you ever wondered what a narcissist projection is? Have you heard that word before? By the
end of this video, you're going to know what the word projection means when it comes to
narcissists and also what you can do to fight back against it, and actually use it against
them. Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and
the best-selling author of the books Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R and Breaking Free: A
Step-by-Step Divorce Guide. And I've helped thousands of people go from those lives of
feeling abused, used, and the trauma and the chaos all the way to stepping into lives of
feeling alive, and purposeful, and breaking free. And that's what I do for you here on
this channel. So, subscribe and hit that notification bell. And that way you can learn how to break
free as well. So, let's talk about projection. This is part
of my Narcissism 101 series. And if you haven't watched any of the videos before on Narcissism
101, you can definitely go back and do that. I even have one that's just Narcissism 101,
you can check out that video. And then, I have videos on all other types of things with
narcissists in the 101 series, including flying monkeys and gaslighting, and all that good
stuff. All these words that you never knew that you wanted to know, and needed to know,
and probably would have rather not dealt with narcissists to find this all out.
But if you are dealing with one, I know that you're in hell. I know the trauma that they
can bring, because I've had to deal with it myself, not only in my law practice, but also
in my own life. And so, I have this mission, this personal crusade to help you guys escape
from narcissists. Not just be educated on what a narcissist looks like, because great,
you find out the person you're with is a narcissist. Fantastic. How does that help you? What you
really need is step-by-step guidance on how to get the hell out of this situation. And
that's what I do for you. That's what I do here on this channel and in my resources.
So, now, let's talk about projection. So, what happens when you're dealing with narcissists
is they never want to take responsibility for anything. Everything is always someone
else's fault. Or where they deny that it happened. Or deny, deflect, it's not me, it's somebody
else, or whatever. And projection is actually part of that. It's a self-defense mechanism
that narcissists use. It's one of their weapons that they use. They have many, but projection
is just one of them. And what's happening with projection is where
they actually are ... whatever you're saying about them that becomes what it is about you.
So, that's why I tell people, don't call them a narcissist because then that's going to
become what you are. So, if you say, "You're a narcissist," they're going to set say, "Oh,
well, that's what you are. You're a narcissist." But it's literally anything that you might
say about them. So, if you say that they're irresponsible, now you become the one that's
irresponsible. If you are saying that they are cheating, for example, let's say that
you're looking in their phone and you're seeing text messages with a coworker that seemed
to be a little bit too familiar, a little bit too flirty. And you say that they're having
an inappropriate relationship with that particular person. Now, they're going to start saying
that you're having inappropriate relationships. Now, you're the one that is potentially the
cheater. You're the one that's potentially the problem. If you say that they're irresponsible
with money, they're going to turn around and say that about you.
And it's not even necessarily just about you. It could be with anyone. So, they could accuse
people of being overweight and make comments about somebody being overweight when they're
overweight. And you're looking at them thinking, "Well, you're overweight, so why are you saying
things about this person?" But that's what they do when they're projecting.
A lot of times, they project even ahead of time. So, even if you haven't accused them
of something, they'll start going ahead and project. Let's say, they know that they're
manipulators, so they'll call you a manipulator. They know that they're pathological liars,
so they'll constantly accuse you of lying. Even if they're cheaters, they'll constantly
accuse you of cheating. So, they'll always be projecting onto you what it is that they're
doing that. And so, that's what projection is. It's a self-defense mechanism. It's a
weapon that they use. And if you have seen them do this, give me
an amen in the comments. I want to see amen in the comments, if you've seen this. So,
what can you do about it, if they're trying to use projection against you? For one thing,
don't take it personally. It has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with
them. I've often talked about the book, The Four Agreements, because one of the agreements
that you make with yourself in that book is to not take anything personally. And I'll
drop a link to that below. It's a very easy read.
But just one of the things you can definitely do to not have this bother you, and to kind
of deflect it is to just not take it personally. Understand that narcissists do whatever they
need to do in order to get narcissistic supply. And they do get supply from seeing you squirm,
from seeing you upset, from controlling you. And so, if you are saying, "What the heck,"
and, "Oh my God, are you crazy? That's not me. It's you," now, you're down into it, you're
into the thick of it with them. So, you just don't take it personally. You go, "Okay, if
that's what you want to think," and then just move forward, and move on, and don't give
it any energy like that. The next thing that you can definitely do
is what I started to allude to in number one, which is keep your emotions out of it. Once
you see them doing that kind of thing, and you're not taking it personally, it's a whole
lot easier to just kind of keep your emotions out of it. Don't get mad, don't get upset.
Don't scream, don't yell, at least in their face. You'd never want to show them that you
are upset, or that they're getting to you, because then you give them that narcissistic
supply. So, once you're no longer in their presence, you can cry, you can scream, you
can yell into your pillow, write it in your journal, tell your best friend, whoever you
need to, to vent about it. Come join me in my private Facebook group , it's called Narcissist
Negotiators. But whatever you need to do to not show them that it upsets you. Just, "Okay,
if that's what you want to think, you're entitled to your thoughts." And then, that's it. You
don't take it on, don't jump into the trenches with them. Don't take it personally and don't
get emotional about it. So, just remember that it's a self-defense
mechanism that they use. It's a weapon that they use. And by not being triggered by it
now you're, basically, almost using that weapon back against them because they're not getting
any supply out of it. So, they're not getting anywhere with it. So, that's projection. It's
something that a narcissist uses as part of their arsenal of weapons of abuse, and self
deflect, and manipulation, and not taking responsibility for things.
So, if you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist grab my free Crush My Negotiation
Prep Worksheet at winmynegotiation.com. And if you like the video, give it a like, give
it a share, if you think other people need to know about what projection is. And make
sure that you comment, give me an amen, if you've seen it, and comment any other examples
of projection that you have seen. I'm so glad that you stopped by my channel. And make sure
you subscribe and hit that notification bell, if you haven't already.
Remember, today is a great day to start negotiating your best life. Thanks so much for stopping
by, I'll see you in the next video.