While the impeachment train rolled on,
there's an even bigger scandal rocking D.C. today.
And just a warning:
if you have small children at home,
you should probably bring them over to the TV to watch this.
A congressman says he was not responsible
for a noise heard during this interview.
I've counted at least five people testifying this week
who were on the phone listening to the president talk
about this swap of dirt
for U.S. military aid.
Chris, so far, the evidence is uncontradicted
that the president used taxpayer dollars
to ask the Ukrainians to help him cheat...
-(passes gas) -an election.
(laughter)
(cheering and applause)
Okay, that was embarrassing.
That was a fart on live TV.
And it was a loud fart, too.
Like, that thing was so loud,
I bet someone made a noise complaint.
Just like, "Hello, 911?
I think there's been a wet shooting?"
And just so we all agree that that was a fart,
let's play it one more time.
The president used taxpayer dollars
to ask the Ukrainians to help him cheat...
-(passes gas) -an election.
(laughter and applause)
Yeah, that was...
that was unmistakably a giant fart.
It sounded like a game show contestant
got a question wrong from inside Eric Swalwell's ass.
That's what it sounded like.
Although, although, to be fair,
we don't know that it was Congressman Swalwell for sure.
Like, it could have been the host, Chris Matthews.
Yeah. In fact, this is the viral argument
that everyone has been talking about online.
Who let it rip?
And this clip got so big, so big,
that the two main suspects
have actually had to come out and address it publicly.
NEWSMAN: Swalwell says he didn't do it,
and even the Hardball Twitter account for MSNBC
says it wasn't him but instead blames a mug
scraping across the desk.
-Hmm. -NEWSWOMAN: Okay.
NEWSMAN: The congressman shared that tweet,
quoting in all caps, "total exoneration,"
seeming to take the whole thing in good spirits.
Because, look, that's embarrassing.
Oh, that's hilarious. "Total exoneration."
Yeah. It's a good joke by Swalwell,
but it's actually not fair to bring Trump into this,
because he's the one person who wouldn't try and hide it.
He would try and own a giant fart.
Yeah, he'd be like, "That's right. I farted,
"and it was the biggest, most beloved fart of all time.
"You know Obama could never fart like this.
"He tried, but he couldn't get it done, folks.
Couldn't do it."
So, for more on this flatulent scandal,
we're now joined by our senior D.C. correspondent,
Desi Lydic, everybody.
(cheering and applause)
Desi...
You're there in the Capitol building
at the scene of the crime.
What can you tell us?
Yeah, well, Trevor, the air is thick
with speculation, intrigue
and, obviously, farts.
Uh, it's clear the impeachment proceedings
have put Eric Swalwell under an enormous amount of pressure,
and yesterday on MSNBC,
that pressure was finally released.
(laughter)
But, Desi, MSNBC claims the sound came from a mug.
Ah, come on, a mug?
Now, that's a pathetic excuse.
Think about it. If mugs made fart noises,
coffee shops wouldn't be relaxing.
They'd sound like a yoga class and retirement home.
That's a... that's a good point, but, Desi, how do you know
it wasn't Chris Matthews who farted?
Well, because, Trevor,
the forensic evidence doesn't lie.
Didn't you see Swalwell's shoulders rise
during the fart?
He's like a-a dog sensing an earthquake
right before the moment hits.
And Swalwell's quick denial is the biggest tell of all.
Might I remind you, Trevor,
that the law says he who denied it supplied it.
It's right there in the Constitution.
Y-You know, Desi, n-normally, normally,
that would convince me, but, but a bunch of old clips
have been resurfacing online today because of the story
and they show that this isn't the first time
a fart has happened on Chris Matthews' show, all right?
Like, listen. Listen carefully to this clip from September.
And these are absolutely real.
What's the penalty for this kind of case?
So, that really depends on how it's ultimately structured--
if they were able to make
-some sort of a tax charge here. -(fart sound)
(chuckles)
Well, Desi?
Okay, Trevor, yeah, I-I did hear something,
but, yeah, I don't know,
maybe Chris Matthews was wearing leather pants.
But-but it seems to happen a lot though, Desi.
Okay, here's another clip from his show in December.
The president directed that activity,
according to this, uh-- this memorandum today.
-Ken? -Yes, Chris, and-and, in fact,
you know, Michael Cohen already stood up in court and said that
-when he pleaded guilty to these charges -(fart sound)
in the Southern District of New York.
-You heard that, right? -Yeah.
No, but, you know, that-that really--
that could have been anything.
For all we know, Rachel Maddow was practicing the trumpet
down the hall. And, to be honest,
Matthews wasn't even on camera when this happened,
-so this proves nothing. -Oh, come on.
Come on, Desi. Well, then what about this one?
Just give me the skinny here.
-Can we get a clean, fair, -(fart sound)
honest election in Florida tomorrow?
Come on, Desi. That one was obviously him.
I mean, he even paused. He paused!
He spoke, then the sound, then he paused.
He did that thing babies do when they poop.
Was like... (babbles)
(babbling)
It's clearly over, Desi.
I'll drop a mic, but Chris Matthews would probably find
a way to fart into it.
No. Come on. Trevor!
The only thing that this proves
is that you've been googling Chris Matthews' farts all day.
Oh-- You know what, Desi, I don't understand
why you're defending Chris Matthews so hard.
Why can't you just admit
that this guy is a one-man fart factory?
Okay, I will tell you why, Trevor.
Because even though this might be a silly story to you,
there's a real war on truth happening right now in America,
and we journalists are the ones fighting on the front lines
to defend all the institutions we hold dear.
In the words of Edward R. Murrow,
to be persuasive, we must be believable.
To be believable, we must be credible.
-And to be credible, we... -(long fart sound)
(fart stops)
-Uh... -Desi.
-Hmm? -W-Was that a...
(high-pitched fart sound)
(Desi clearing throat)
Sorry, I was just, um...
I was moving my mug around.
Just...
Desi Lydic, everyone.