Welcome to Psychology Refresh! Today, we're going to go over the 9
Red Flags In Dating You Should NOT Ignore Make sure to watch each one, because you
can find some of them in your relationship! Starting a relationship should be done with
an open mind. While you may not like the way, they cut their toenails in bed, they leave a sink
full of dirty dishes and they leave the toilet seat unlocked, these things aren't exactly deal
breakers. Real dating red flags tend to be a little more complex than habits you could pass
off as behavioral quirks. And with all the swiping apps out there and the new way of communicating,
they're completely nuanced and more complex than ever before. Since relationships are complex,
it is understandable for some quirks to go unnoticed, but for others, they are such bright
red flags flapping violently in the wind that they must be acknowledged. Red flags are subtle,
and easily forgiven, and sometimes you may even find yourself ignoring the really horrible ones
because you don't want to accept the person you love isn't genuinely that great for you,
or that the relationship just isn't good for either of you. People will do
a lot of things that should alarm you. Here are 9 Red Flags In Dating You Should NOT Ignore.
Number 1 - They are talking negatively about their exes
Usually when people are talking negatively on other people, chances are they could do
the same about you. You can learn a lot about how someone will treat you if you listen carefully to
how they describe their past relationships and how they talked about their exes. Whenever people talk
about their exes as terrible people and blaming them for their relationship's failure, that is a
really big red flag. This practically screams: "I cannot be held responsible for what went wrong. I
have learned nothing in these relationships. It is your responsibility to fix whatever went wrong".
It is likely they cannot manage to make a relationship with you if they weren't able
to handle it with anyone before you. Number 2 - They rarely apologize
Apologies are difficult. On the most fundamental level, they involve putting your ego aside.
The purpose of apologizing isn't actually to decide who is right and who is wrong.
It's about acknowledging your partner's feelings and validating them. Your lover may apologize,
but the apology has little to do with the thing you want them to apologize for.
They may say something like "I'm sorry I'm such an awful person!" Or, "I'm sorry for everything
I've ever done to hurt you!" In essence, they are trying to convince you that you are unreasonable
for even thinking they did anything wrong, because in reality they are innocent. As a consequence,
you may feel that you have been harsh or mean for opposing their behavior.
Number 3 - They treating other people in a rude way
Success in relationships depends on kindness, patience, and tolerance. Rudeness is a sign of
someone lacking those qualities. If someone you're interested disrespects a clerk,
server, or treats another individual unkindly, it's a definite red flag. Pay close attention
to how they treat people they don't have to be nice to. The way they behave toward the waitress,
their rudeness to the pizza deliverer, or the way they yell at the sales clerk...that's who they
really are. That's how they'll probably treat you, once you move in together or get married.
Also, they often present rudeness to other service industry workers or toward animals,
children, the elderly, etc. At some point you should realize that if they're rude to one person,
it's likely they'll someday turn that behavior on you - right?!
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Number 4 - They try to isolate you You might think this person really
enjoys having you all to themselves if they want you to spend all of your time with them away from
family and friends. Isolating you may actually be aimed more at gaining control over you. The
warning light should go on in your head if someone is trying to isolate you from friends and family.
Healthy relationships involve the introduction of each other to their friends, family members,
and co-workers. People want to get to know the people in your world, not keep you away from them.
If your partner wants to keep you all to himself all the time, that is a huge red flag. Eventually,
you feel like you have no one but your so-called partner, and that's exactly the way they want it.
Number 5 - They put you down It is a huge red flag when your
partner tends to cut you off with a superficial compliment or a kiss every time you try to
speak. They often make a passive-aggressive remark towards you in a very patronizing way.
Beware of anyone who makes condescending comments about you. No matter how much a person insists
they're 'joking,' snarky comments are a sign of insecurity, jealousy, or anger. People who
are passive-aggressive in communicating are more likely to create problems and get worse over time.
You're better off finding someone who can speak up directly, effectively, and respectfully.
Number 6 - They are very secretive If the person you're dating is purposely
vague and secretive, it's another red flag. You should be skeptical if they won't speak to
you about their past, their current job, or their family. If they are secretive about little things,
imagine how they'll handle the big things. You can detect if secrets are being kept from you
if your partner is excessively proprietorial of their smartphone. They never share their code;
they take it even to the bathroom and the calls are taken in another room. Also,
they might overreact when you face them, making you feel like you're mad for even asking about it.
When they say, "I'm going out!" they never say where they're going or where they've been. For
example, when they say, "I'm going out!" and you ask where exactly, they respond: "out just out!".
Beware of these behaviors as these are not signs of a good, healthy relationship.
Number 7 - They are testing your boundaries If your partner is constantly waiting to
cross over your boundaries it is a huge red flag. For example, if you have said
you do not want to go further sexually and they insist on it every day or when you say you are
not available on Friday, but they push you to see them, they want to move in even if you are
not ready for that or get married too soon. They are simply trying to convince you to do things
you're not ready for or interested in yet. In order to make you agree to the demands of others,
people will sometimes use disapproval and silence,
sometimes referred to as a 'freeze-out', to get your acceptance. If they can't respect your
boundaries early into your relationship, you don't want to be with them later on.
Number 8 - They are materialistic
When people only seem to be happy with gifts that have some significant monetary value or if
they are immediately and frequently curious about your financial situation these are huge red flags
because you don't want to build a relationship with a materialistic person. Also, if your partner
never offers to pay for anything, they might be setting the stage for what your future with them
will be like if you get more serious. Number 9 - They abuse you
Finally, it is important to realize that any form of abuse, even the one that does not
seem to be blatant, such as emotional abuse, psychological abuse, and of course physical
abuse itself is more than just a red flag, but clearly a sign to leave and never look back.
Don't be swayed by an apologetic partner or one who convinces you that "it's all in your head" or
they're doing it because they love you. Abusive behaviors tend to get worse and more frequent,
not better, over time. Learn to trust what you feel. Your gut is usually right.
Now, we have a question for you. Which of these red flags have
you noticed in your dating experiences? Please share your thoughts in the comments.
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