Lemme tell you about the worst night of my life.
It was about a year ago, I had a weed soda.
It's the worst thing's ever happened to me.
I just got one for free.
I was like, "This will be a fun,
me and my cat alone in the apar.
It's gonna be fun.
I'll drink half."
I didn't know what milligrams w.
I thought it was like trivia, like, "Hey, there's 12 ounces,
500 milligrams, and a hundred c.
Have a good night."
I didn't know the world was gon.
So I'm like, "I'll drink half.
If I want to get higher, I'll drink that other half."
I smoke weed every year, I got a good tolerance.
So I chug half of this thing.
I sit down on the couch with my.
I'm like, "We're gonna watch Si,
it's gonna be fun time, all rig.
It's comedy heaven.
I'll be real high and I'm gonna laugh at these jokes.
It's gonna be good."
And I'm like, "Oh, I'm already higher than I've ever been.
This is good stuff.
I hope this is as high as it go.
All right.
Like 10 minutes go by.
I'm like, "Ooh,
feel my heart.
Boy I can feel my heart beats.
That's good, I got a heart, I'm.
That means I'm alive.
I feel it beatin'.
I feel like I can see it beatin.
All right, here we go.
I'm like, all right, let's start this episode over,
I don't know what anybody's tal.
(audience laughing)
It's hard to laugh at these jok,
can't remember the setup, okay.
Finally, I lock in, I like try to really look.
(audience laughing)
Then finally a joke comes I go,
(Caleb laughing) "That's what I laugh like?
Oh, that's the worst laugh I've ever heard.
Maybe that's why my friends always gimme that look.
They're always like, they're li,
they can't be friends with me.
I gotta laugh good, I gotta lau.
I gotta laugh like a hot guy.
I gotta laugh like, (Caleb laughing)
I'm gonna laugh hot, that's what I'm gonna do.
Oh yeah, this is good."
Then Bart looks in the camera,
he's like "This episode's for the high people,"
and I'm like, "Oh, he didn't say that last time.
Oh man, this is good.
Oh boy," and I look down, my ca.
Hadn't been there for an hour.
I'm like, "Oh, okay.
Just touching the couch, I'm cool, that's good.
Let's get up, we need to get the blood flowing."
So I stand up and I can't remem.
So I sit back down.
Then I go, what if someone looked in the window
and saw me stand up and sit dow,
and they're gonna call the poli.
(audience laughing)
The police are gonna show up an,
"Did you stand up and sit down really fast?
You look high on soda.
We're here coming to jail forev"
and I'd be like, "Ah, I deserve.
Oh no."
So I'm like, "Okay, no more standing up and sitting,
if you can't remember, know why.
All right, what do we do?"
And I'm like, "Oh, the heart's beating really fast.
We're gonna die,"
and I'm like, "No one's ever di.
I remember hearing that, no one's ever died of weed."
And then I go, "What if I was gonna die tonight anyway,
(audience laughing)
and now I'm just high for it."
So I'm like, "All right, let's call an ambulance.
That'll solve it."
So I start Googling like good ambulances near me.
(audience laughing)
Scrolling through like, "Oh, let's get a good one,
five stars."
And so I'm like, "How do we tal?
I go, "Hello ambulance?
No, you can't say hello, ambula"
I'm like, "Hello, I'm high but that's not why I'm dead.
I think I have a family history of heart attacks,
so don't mark it down as a weed,
say it was family history with a little weed."
By the way, this is all in the first like 45 minutes.
I was high for 11 hours,
11 hours straight, didn't get l.
I was high the whole time.
Finally wears off as the sun co,
it's like, 6:00 AM.
One of my roommates comes home.
He's like, "What's this?"
I'm like, "Oh, it's a weed soda.
You should try, it's really fun.
Drink it as fast as you can.
Works good."