Are you in a relationship with a narcissist and you've seen love bombing, discarding,
devaluing, all these different things, and didn't know that these are actually stages
of a narcissistic relationship?
By the end of this video, you're going to understand that there are three stages to
a narcissistic relationship.
And today, in this particular video, we're going to talk much more about love bombing.
This is part one, of a three part series, on the three stages of a narcissistic relationship.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and the bestselling author of the books: Negotiate
Like YOU M.A.T.T.E.R. and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide.
And I've helped thousands of people just like you go from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos,
to step into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose.
And I do the same thing for you right here, in these videos, on this YouTube channel.
So, before we go any further, hit that subscribe button, hit that notification bell, so that
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Because if you're in a relationship with a narcissist, you need as much support as you
can possibly get.
If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, the way you got into that relationship with
that narcissist, the way it all began, this whole thing, all began with love bombing because
that's where narcissists start.
They start off with love bombing.
So remember that narcissists are the most shallow people you could possibly ever meet.
They have no inner sense of value.
All of their value has to be derived from the external and how they do that is through
what we call narcissistic supply.
That's their lifeblood, that's their food, that's their oxygen.
It's narcissistic supply.
So supply can be in the form of money, prestige, compliments, but it also comes in the form
of control, coercive control, psychological abuse, victimization, and just going after
people in a way that they get them under their layer of control.
Because by asserting control over people and exerting that control over people, they feel
better about themselves.
They feel like they are controlling the world around them and getting everybody to see that
they're so amazing and so wonderful.
Because if they see that side of them, then they'll never see what's really going on underneath,
which is that they are the most scared little people, the most fragile egos on the planet.
That's actually the secret.
The secret is that you're stronger than they are by a lot.
And they don't want you to know that though.
But how it all begins, how the whole fairytale begins is through what we call love bombing.
And then they graduate into starting with the discarding and the devaluing, or devaluing,
then discarding.
But really these three stages of a narcissistic relationship happen all at once in a lot of
ways, it's not linear.
It's not like they go from love bombing, stop, discarding, stop, devaluing, stop, and then
discarding, stop.
It doesn't happen that way.
It's actually much more mixed together that way.
They can actually be discarding you and love bombing you at the same time, and sometimes
that's called hoovering, but that's what they do.
They use love bombing as a method, as a strategy, to manipulate you.
So remember that narcissists are master manipulators.
You know that whole thing about 10,000 hours to become experts at something?
Well, they've spent their entire lifetimes.
They have way more than 10,000 hours in learning how to manipulate you.
So, the manipulation starts in the love bombing phase.
So in the love bombing phase, this is where you're going to start to see that they're
going to overwhelm the person, overwhelm them with how perfect they are.
So in a business setting, this love bombing might take place or manifests itself in the
form of being the perfect business partner, this person can get you the deals that you
want, introduce you to the clients that you want, has the skillset that you want, open
the doors that you want to open, everything about them just seems absolutely amazing.
In a romantic setting, they come on super strong.
A really great example of this is the Dirty John series, and if any of you haven't seen
that you should check it out, it's a mini series actually, on Netflix, it's actually
also a podcast which was super, super popular.
But the guy in that went after this woman who was a very successful woman in her fifties
who had lots of success as a professional, she also had beautiful children that she had
a wonderful relationship with and a close family, but the one thing that was missing
in her life was this perfect romantic partner.
So this guy comes along and sets himself up to be as absolutely perfect for her as possible.
And so what did he do for her?
He did everything a busy professional woman who's on her own would love to have, he was
taking care of her dry cleaning, and cooking her dinner, and making her smoothies in the
morning, and taking her on trips, and just becoming the most perfect person ever.
And so that's what they do.
What they do is they move super fast.
So the relationship is on this fast track, right away, within weeks, they're talking
about marriage or moving in together or what the future is going to be forever.
And they insist right away on meeting your children, if you have children from another
relationship, or meeting your family, or meeting your friends, they want to be fully moved
in and fully in control of you as fast as possible before you have a chance to figure
out who this person really is.
Because once they've got you under that layer of control, that's when they can start to
take over and start to actually move into more of the devalue phase.
What you'll see in this phase is massive amounts of compliments and lavishing you with gifts
and bombarding you with text messages and phone calls.
And you'll start to see where they want to know everything about you.
They want to know where you are at all times, and how come you didn't call them back right
away, and who are you talking to?
Right away you start to see these little signs of things that aren't necessarily right.
In the Dirty John movie, the man actually laid down on the woman's bed, in her bedroom,
after their first date and almost refused to leave, and she saw that as a red flag,
but she ended up ignoring it because of all these other things.
I mean, they just overwhelm you with love bombing.
As part of this, they want that commitment right away, they want to see right away that
you're not seeing anybody else, that you are giving them your undivided attention.
Right away early on you're going to start to see where there's going to be some jealousy
that you're giving attention to other people, "Well, if you really love me, if we were soul
mates, that you would just give me all of your attention."
And so you start to feel guilty if you're giving attention to somebody else, but you're
really feeling like, "Well, but this person really needs me."
They're extremely needy.
And they may even present themselves to you as personally victimized, like they just need
you so much because they had a terrible family or maybe their ex spouse treated them awfully,
or maybe their kids were alienated from them.
So they just really, really need you, and they need you now, and they need all of your
attention right away.
So these are the things that you see in the love bombing phase.
And you do see these red flags start to crop up, where they start to, right away in your
space, and right away jealous that you're doing other things, right away demanding to
know everything that you're up to, right away wanting to start controlling aspects of your
life, right away maybe actually even distancing you from your friends, or your family, or
your loved ones because you should be spending time with each other, and that person is just
jealous of the time that we're spending together, and jealous that you finally found somebody
that's perfect for you, jealous that you finally found a soulmate.
So that's the thing that you'll see, but they couch it in these terms that make it seem
like it's okay that they're moving in so quickly because you're so amazing and you're meant
to be together.
And if this has happened to you, and this is how your relationship with the narcissist
started, give me a yes in the comments.
And if you're not sure if you're married to a narcissist, check out my video on, Are You
Married To A Narcissist? and I'll drop a link to that below.
And if you're getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist, make sure you grab my free Crush
My Negotiation Prep Worksheet, it's 15 pages.
It's basically an e-book.
It is so helpful.
And I packed it with information.
So you can grab that at the link below, or you can just go to winmynegotiation.com and
check it out.
And if you are dealing with a narcissist and you want to connect with others, and you want
support from others who are dealing with the same thing that you're dealing with, check
out my free Facebook page called Narcissist Negotiators, it's a group, it's a private
group, and you'll be able to find other people and support each other there.
If you like this video, give it a like, give it a share, drop me a comment, let me know
that you were here.
And if you haven't already subscribed to my channel, now's a good time to go ahead and
do that, and make sure you hit the notification bell so that you can be notified every time
I upload a brand new video and new content.
And remember, that this is part one, of a three part series, so you're going to want
to definitely subscribe so that you can be notified when I upload parts two and three,
which are going to be on devaluing and discarding, the other two phases of the narcissistic relationship.
I'm Rebecca Zung, I'm so glad that you stopped by my channel.
Remember, today's a great day to start negotiating your best life.
And I will see you in the next video.